When I lost 50 pounds over a decade ago, I would step in front of the mirror and not see a woman who had lost 50 pounds. Basically, my body all the same imperfections it had when I was 50 pounds heavier. 235 and 185 seemed the same in my head. I didn't have before and after shots. I hadn't taken measurements, so all I could see was my reflection in teh mirror and the dropping numbers on the scale and clothing size.
I think I was remembering the 'me' before I had aged and before I had children. That me at 185 looked a lot different than the 'later' me and I wasn't happy with what I saw. My tummy sagged, my thighs were dimply and I had stretch marks EVERYWHERE on my tummy (from pregnancy) that when less filled out, looked worse. I was extremely disheartened.
Now, I'm over 40 and have matured a bit and I realize that my prebaby body will never be again. Yes, I will always have bigger upper arms as everyone in my family does. Yes, I will always have a saggy, wrinkly tummy as I've had two huge babies and my skin didn't stretch. Those are my life's battle wounds and I just have to accept it for what it is.
What I do like seeing, when I'm dressed, is that I'm getting my hour glass figure back. That I'm losing my huge double chin, that my eyes seem bigger and brighter and that I feel lighter and able to move around more and I still have more than 50 pounds to go!
I've given up the idea of having a beach body. I won't. That is gone with youth, babies, weight gain and age - life basically. It's just something I had to come to terms with.
We're taught to feel this way. We're taught to diet this way. You're supposed to kick yourself.
It's a lousy strategy, and it doesn't work very well. In essence, we're taught to fail. We're taught to make ourselves miserable (because if you're not making yourself miserable, you're doing it wrong).
You're supposed to kick yourself for being lazy, crazy, and/or stupid. Unfortunatley, in order to kick yourself for being lazy, crazy, and/or stupid, you have to believe that you are lazy, crazy, and/or stupid. And when people believe they are lazy, crazy, and/or stupid, they act as if they are lazy, crazy, and/or stupid.
Who you believe you are IS who you are. If you believe you're worthless, you act the way you believe worthless people act.
I've found that you don't have to kick yourself. You have a choice, and it's a choice that makes weight loss easier and a whole lot more pleasantly.
Weight loss doesn't have to be difficult and miserable. It's difficult and miserable only if we make it difficult and miserable (and unfortunately most of the popular ways to lose weight are difficult and miserable). We set ourselves up for failure, by making weight loss so unpleasant that you have to be crazy or self-destructive to stick with it.
Of course 90% of weight loss attempts fail, because 90% of weight loss methods are self-torture. And self-torture is very difficult to keep up. Eventually you start to doubt that you deserve it. You get tired of hitting yourself (metaphorically) in the head with a hammer.
It is possible to lose weight in an easy, low-key, low-stress, altogether pleasant way, but it yields slower results, and we're taught that slower results aren't acceptable. We're taught to do it the hard, unpleasant way (and if it's not hard and unpleasant you're failing, not only as a dieter but as a person). We're taught to fail for a good reason, rather than risk succeeding for a "bad" one.
For the first time in my life, I've chosen the easy way. The fun, happy, loving way. I like who I am. I like having a life while trying to lose weight. In the past I had to sacrifice most good things in my life in order to lose weight, because I thought only losing as fast as possible was ok. I didn't want to sacrifice joy for weight loss, but I thought I had to (otherwise I was lazy, crazy, stupid, and bad).
My doctor put it this way, when I griped that I wasn't losing 2 lbs a week like normal people.
"Normal people don't lose 2 lbs every week. Normal people don't lose 1 lb a month (which is what I was losing at the time), because normal people give up after a few weeks or months. Normal people lose nothing, because they give up. You're doing what most people don't, just by sticking with it."
It's like running in the Boston Marathon and deciding that you're "losing" because you see hundreds of people ahead of you, when you don't see the tens of thousands of people behind you.
Comparing ourselves to others usually backfires with weight loss, mostly because we don't have an accurate picture of how everyone else is doing. We think we're failing because we see people who are doing better than we are (never even looking for the people behind us).
It's why I love my TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly) chapter. Because the leader announces the total losses and total gains, I get a more realistic picture of how everyone else is doing (I subtract the gains from the losses and then divide by the number of members present to get the "average" loss).
We also have a contest every month in which your name (on a paper apple) stays on an apple tree until you have a gain or miss a meeting. Then your apple falls off the tree. At the end of the month, the people whose apples are still on the tree, split $10. The group has about 25 members, and about 20 who almost never miss a meeting. Sometimes there's no one left on the apple tree. Usually there's one or two. Very rarely are more than two people left (We meet on Tuesdays, and last night 4 people were left, and each got $2.50. Everyone was excited because it was such a rare event).
It puts things into perspective. When we see people lose 30 lbs a week on a show like The Biggest Loser, we can think that those results are more typical (and possible for the average person) than they truly are. We start to see phenomenal success as abject failure.
Stress hormones slow metabolism. In the natural world (the one we as humans no longer live in) it makes sense from a bio-physiological viewpoint. When times are tough, conserve energy.
Kicking ourselves adds stress (and it hurts, so we're going to be tempted to stop. And sometimes the only way we know how to stop kicking ourselves is to quit - and that's not good. It just means more and harder kicking later down the road). Easy no-stress weight loss is possible. And it's even fun, so there's never a reason to quit.
It's "normal" to kick ourselves, but it's also "normal" to quit. Learning to be abnormal (and feel good about it) has the bigger pay-off in the long run.
I just felt this the other day when shopping. Extra large in "regular size" is snug. I feel like i'm come so far (size 28 to size 16ish) but i still have so far to go. I have mentioned to people who say i'm "skinny" now that it just seems like that because i was SO fat before. I'm still overweight and working hard at it.
I've been stressed about a lot of things in the past year and half, and a portion of that is feeling like my weight loss hasn't been good enough. I feel I should be ecstatic about a 113 pound loss, right? But I'm still in a size 22/24 and still want to lose nearly 100 more, and to top it off my weight has been lingering around 250 for all this time.
But I've been relaxing my train of thought these past few weeks. I've realized that I'm smaller than I was in high school (I've had issues with weight since I was 12). I think I've managed to drop the bad cravings again, and since I started taking vitamin D supplements I've found I have more energy. So I'm relaxing and just making sure I'm doing the right things. I haven't gained any of my weight back and have no fears of reaching my high point ever again. If I keep working at it, I'm bound to get stronger and lighter. I started taking walks early in the morning and plan on building myself up to running, and I also started a new exercise video. Many of my health problems have vanished! I've made a conscious choice not to stress myself over it anymore, and it has made me feel so much better. I'm not sure if I'll ever be a size six, but that's ok. I've probably added many quality years to my life by making the better choices even throughout this plateau.
I've lost 70lbs since last August. I know it's a really good loss, but I can't get over the fact that I'm still FAT. I'm still obese, I still don't look good in my clothes, I still have a hanging stomach pooch and fat rolls on my arms. I don't want to sound rude because I know a lot of people lose a lot slower or still have a longer ways to go than me so I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad. I just wish it would go faster even though I know faster can be unhealthy.
I understand that this is a lifestyle change and weight loss is learning experience and will probably help with lifetime maintenance. It's just that right about now I'm kicking myself for allowing me to get to 280 pounds in the first place.
Linsy - are you living in my head? This is exactly how I feel. Just the other day I was checking the scale thinking "When am I gonna start to really lose weight?"
Quote:
How much has your stomach gone down? I HATE HATE HATE it--if I could change one thing it would be my stomach!
Yep, same here and I don't have any children to justify my stretchmarks.
I went shopping for exercise/yoga capris. There were none in the plus size section. I tried a XL and it was awful. My stomach looked the same as it did at 285. It looks the same no matter what. And I can't help but think it will never look any different. And that just makes me so sad.
Gosh, I know just how all of you feel. This hit me really hard when I hit 100 pounds down. I was mentally praising myself for having lost 100 pounds. So I allowed my husband - even asked him in fact - to take a picture of me in one of my new dresses. I have avoided having a picture taken of me for years. So hubby takes the pic and then puts it on my computer and I almost started crying. Here I've lost 100 pounds and I still look like crap. It felt like it was all for nothing and there was the brief thought of just giving up.
I am still battling myself every day, because I know that berating myself doesn't help. Only hard work does. So I'm trying to keep on keeping on.
I'm glad other people feel the same way. It's so discouraging to be 80+ lbs away from goal when I've already lost 70. I don't know when I'm going to start LIKING my body. For some reason I've thought for a while that 180 was going to be that magic number where I start to feel slimmer, but now I don't really see that happening anymore.
I'm adding my name to the list of "I totally feel that way." For me, it's all focused on the stomach (with an occasional trip to the arms). I've lost twice as many inches off my hips as I have from around my belly. If this keeps up, I'm going to look like a lollipop... It's my saggy over-hanging two-roll belly that keeps me from feeling confident in clothes when the bad days hit
However, eventually the good days do come back. For me, I do my best to enjoy those moments when I realize I can now do something that I couldn't have done six months ago...or when I realize I genuinely am craving an orange, or spinach, or cheeseless veggie pizza. About a month ago, I took a flight to Michigan, and it was amazing how much more comfortable the seat was being nearly 50 pounds lighter.
Whenever the bad days hit, I do my best to spend extra time on these boards, and I make sure to write in my journal. It's certainly not a perfect solution, but most of the time, it keeps me from turning to food for comfort
I always go in cycles. I feel good about myself for losing some weight, and then comes the negative feelings of still not looking good, etc. I look at pictures of myself 40 lbs heavier, and I can obviously see the difference. I also try to think of non-weight related accomplishments, like how I can now do so many push ups or run so far. I think that helps me a lot when I get in those moods
Linsy- You know what's funny? I was gonna tell you the last time I felt "good" was at 180, not so much bothered about my body or stomach. I feel the same way you do about your stomach- only thing that really bothers the frak outta me and has me worried about it often than I'd like.
In regards to my stomach- it doesn't stick out as it used to and I've noticed in my "before" pictures that I took, I have somewhat less hang in the lower stomach so I am taking that as a good sign!
Remember 30lbs can make a world of difference for us, especially being 5'2. Just keep going!!! You've done so well!
Add me to the list as well. I've lost close to 60 pounds, and it seems like everyone can see it except me. I still see the same body I had when I was 306. Logically, I KNOW I've gone down from a 26 to 18-20 so I HAVE to be smaller...but I can't see it when I look in the mirror.
Logically, I KNOW I've gone down from a 26 to 18-20 so I HAVE to be smaller...but I can't see it when I look in the mirror.
Does this ever get better?
God, I hope so! I'm sure you also feel differences in your body as well. That some places are just not as "cushioned". But for the life of me I'll never understand why I can't see it in certain areas. I hate the phantom fat syndrome! Even before and after pics don't do much for me. I'm constantly lowering my goal weight because of it. It used to be 149...dropped it to 144....and dropped it again to 139. Now I'm thinking 135.
