Unrealistic Expectations?!
 

Hello to everyone and thanks in advance for reading my "ranting"
I dont understand why ppl dont expect me to loose more than 50lbs. I mean ok i m 5'8 with a large frame, i have been overweight/obese for as long as i can remember myself, but that doesnt mean that i cant do it. When i say my goal of 165lbs to friends they always say smth like "omg you cant do that, you have a big chest, large frame, or whatever else they think it is big about me". And i just reply " yeah okay". But rly having a large frame doesnt actually mean that you need to stay under "overweight" bmi for the rest of your life. Its not that those comments affect me so much that i go off plan or anything(i do that for my own health and noone else), but sometimes they really get to me and i start thinking "maybe i cant be 165lbs, maybe 190 would be ok".
I m on the forum a lot, just not very active usually, and i saw ppl with my height aiming for even lower weight, which i find very brave.
I also read post saying " you ll know when you get there" which sounds reasonable to me. I m just frustrated that my friends dont really believe in me maybe :(
Did you ever think that you cant reach your goal, not because you cant stay on plan but because your body wont let you?

.. and sorry for any grammar mistakes (still learning :)

Well of course you can! I'd use their comments as fuel to reach your goal, and I'd probably also stop talking about specific goals if they're not being supportive and it's bugging you. I don't tell anyone anything specific because I got tired of their reactions and it's worked out well to be vague, or just saying I'm focusing on being healthy. I'm losing the weight for myself, it's my bod, so it's really no one else's concern unless I want it to be

Good luck reaching your goals

You can get there. Unless you're truly oddly shaped with your bone size or very heavily muscled it shouldn't even be too difficult.

I sometimes wonder if 150 is doable for me. I have a large frame as well and the last time I was anywhere near 150 I was a pre-teen. I might get to a higher number then that and decide I'm completely happy, I might get to 150 and decide I'd be happier lower. Everyone is different which you already know. I don't think you have unrealistic expectations at all. Just keep doing what you're doing and see what happens when you get closer. =)

Thanks for your encouragment. I m not oddly shaped or , heavily muscled. I m average i d say. I dont expect to become "petite"! yea that d be awkward. But i guess they dont really see me as "fat". Just big. So i guess they assume it cant go away, lol.

I am 5'8" too and when I started I swore I had a large frame. I am now at 160 lbs and am quite comfortable with my current size. I think 165 is quite appropriate for your frame and height. You can see from my avatar how I currently look.

Interesting question because I have been thinking about this a lot. I wonder if there is a "set point" that you just can't get below -- or at least get below and maintain. Then I think back to when I was 21, same height, and 125 pounds. That tells me my frame can handle that weight but I wonder if it is impossible to get that low now that I am older. I HAVE NO IDEA!

But that post you read is dead on -- you will know when you get there. My first goal weight was 145 pounds when I first started. I changed it recently to 139 and whatever I lose beyond that is just a bonus!

I say you keep your goal at 165 pounds. When you get closer, just adjust it. Up or down, doesn't matter. Your body will tell you. But do NOT adjust it just because your friends act as if they know YOUR body better than you do. Because they don't! And do not let them discourage you... EVER. I think it's time to adopt that, "I'll show them" attitude! :)

My friend said to me the other day, "You said your goal was 145. Aren't you almost done?". I said, "Nope. I'll be done when my body says I'm done".

See, I'm 5'6.5" and my goal is 175. My ideal weight is between 155-165 according to doctors because I really do have a very big frame. But... I haven't been anywhere NEAR 165 in so long, how can I know what will be perfect? Well, when/if I get close and I want to get smaller (which I may not). I will do a caliper test for fat or a water dunk test for fat. That's the only way to know what a person's ideal weight is. A BMI is only a measure of height and then a given range. It fits most people, but not the outlyers.

So, lose weight, by getting FIT. (What's the point of being thin if you're still living unhealthy lifestyle habits?) When you get going, have your body fat measured (those scales are grossly inadequate for body fat percentages, especially for women, by the way). You may find that yes, 175 is perfect for you with a healthy body fat, or maybe it will be 155.

Just start getting healthy and figure it out as you get there!

I have a goal of 160 and am 5'7". I have VERY broad shoulders and have a largish frame (and big boobs!) For me it's more about clothing sizes and being able to shop in "regular" stores and my fitness level.

Honestly, I don't think people in general are good judges of what we weigh. I was talking to a friend about how much I wanted to lose and he said, "so that will put you at what? 130?" I just laughed and laughed and told him to add 30 pounds to that! He couldn't believe I weighed & weigh as much as I do.

I'm a terrible judge of weight and clothing sizes for other people (and even myself at times).

Don't let other people get you down. In my previous successful weight loss effort, I was down to a size 14 (and not finished) and people were telling me I was too thin. They just weren't used to seeing me that size.

People really can't tell how much I weigh, when I tell them I'm over 200 they act like they don't believe me. With our height we can "carry it well" whatever that means. Maybe they think they are paying you a compliment when they say you couldn't possibly be that much overweight? Not necessarily saying there's no way you COULD lose that much weight, but that they don't think you need to?

Yea ppl are terrible judges of weight (including myself). I was 275lbs and friends would guess around 220 or smthing, which is a huge difference. I guess i dont like being said that is impossible to do smthing.
As for the healthy lifestyle, i come from a mediterranean country and rly all we eat over here is veggies , fruits, yogurts n stuff as a lifestyle in general, so i guess i ll concetrate more to what i can control and see where that leads me. thanks for all your answers <3

People who have never been fat have a very poor perception of what "a lot" of weight is. Think of how many people complain needing to lose a "whole 20 pounds". A twenty pound loss to an already small person is significant! To others of us, it's barely a drop in the bucket.

I started my journey telling people I wanted to lose 100 pounds and got concerns about anorexia and my overall health. :rolleyes: I got the point pretty quick that they had no concept of what I was up against. So I stopped talking about it. If people asked I'd say I'd know when I got there or that I just wanted to get to a healthy weight. People like that answer. ;) "I just want to be a healthy weight."

I don't discuss specific goals anymore because EVERYONE has an opinion. If people ask how much I've lost I say 45 lbs, if they ask how much more I want to lose I say "just a couple pounds more" and they nod in agreement. What they don't understand is a "couple" is actually 55, not 2 lol. ;)

If my friends were telling me I couldn't do it... I tink it would motivate me MORE to do and then find new friends! HAHA

My parents are the same way--They feel that right now I look so skinny, and if I'm 200 lbs right now, I'll look too thin at 165. But I've still got a lot of pinchable fat, most of it camped out in my gut. I have a large chest, and wear a size 12 shoe (narrow to medium width). I'm about 5'9.5", but I never count that half. I think most folks would not guess that I am a 200 pounder. I look to be probably in the 180's, if most folks would guess without me telling them my weight.

Now, when people ask how much I want to lose, I always use a clothing size "I'm a 14, trying to get into a 12". That way, I avoid answering weight questions.

Also, people get used to seeing someone a certain way. I weighed what I weigh now my junior and senior year in high school. I'm 20lbs less than what I weighed on my wedding day 12 years ago, so yeah, for me, I look skinny. For the world, not so much. I get why my parents think I look so thin. They've seen an incredible transformation. Then to say I'm going for another 35lbs is shocking.

I used to think that I couldn't possibly attain certain weights, I would think "I haven't weighed less than __ since high school" and how could I dare to dream that big now!? Since coming back to this site though I've completely changed my mind about that, I think it is possible for me to weigh 135 if i want. As others have said, maybe I'll find that another weight is 'the one' on the way there. You can see by my ticker that I set a higher goal originally...now I don't want to move it because I'm almost halfway...lol. I'll change my goal once I get to this one.

The last time I lost weight I got to about 170lbs and people started saying I had better not get too thin, but really it does work to reference sizes. When you say, 'well I'm a 12 now, but I'd like to be a 10' nobody will tell you that's too small :)

I just tell people either "I want to get to a healthy BMI" or "I want to lose somewhere between 20-30lbs" without telling them my current weight or my goal weight. Everyone is shaped so differently it's impossible to guess what someone weighs. Now looking at myself or DH I could guess how much we weigh at one point of time because I know how we carry weight. But I couldn't even guess what my own mother or sister weighs!

I'd just avoid talking about the tend goal for now and instead if you want to share with them about your weight loss experience talk about what great exercises you're doing, how you're watching what you eat and share non-scale victories like dropping a clothes size. That way they can feel supportive (and be supportive) without getting wrapped up in the numbers.

Oh, and FWIW I'm muscular, have large breasts and I was just fine at 15lbs into a healthy BMI in high school. You'd have to have a pretty unusual shape or be a seriously lifter not to be able to get into the healthy BMI range (I'm not saying it would be easily maintainable that's for YOU to decide but getting there shouldn't be unimaginable).

I believe that many people have lost the ability to recognize a normal, healthy body weight on anyone because so many people are overweight/obese/morbidly obese. It's even more difficult when they see many of us who have been obese suddenly at a smaller weight because they are not used to seeing us that way. If you look at someone who has maintained a normal, healthy, smaller weight over the years, you don't think they look that small or skinny because you are used to them at that weight.
Eventually people will get used to your new weight, but it will take a while. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is not to listen to those negative thoughts and ideas that tell you that you can't get to your goal or your goal is too lofty. It is your body and your goal. Look at various factors such as BMI and frame size and pick your goal and don't give up. Only listen to what you think and give others opinions and thoughts very little merit. Simply say "thanks for the advice" and then carry on! You can definitely do this!

biggest pet peeve i have is when i say i plan to lose X number of pounds and people tell me "OMG YOU'LL BE SO SKINNY" and i want to tell them, no i'll be a healthy weight for me... i just quit listening to other peoples' opinions and let myself do it my way.

i've quit looking at it as "i have to lose a total of...." and more "okay, 10 pounds at a time. get to that 10, start another" it's much easier for me that way... i think i saw someone else who does it that way too.