what's wrong with me?
 

so here's the story. i've been trying to lose weight for almost 2 years. i've gone from 225 and a size 18 to 128 and a size 4. now, of course i think this is a miracle but i've noticed that no matter what the scale says i feel fat. i plan my meals most every day and keep a journal to track how much fat, calories, carbs, etc that i eat. so far this seems reasonable but within the last 4 months or so, i've been on the scale about 7-10 times a day especially just prior to eating and just after meals. also, i suffer extreme guilt when i feel i've eaten too much at one sitting or during the course of a day. i think if i eat more than 1000-1100 calories i'm immediately going to gain back some weight. and it's not like i'm starving myself... i'll still have some skinny cows or cookies and cake especially with the holiday season. but the guilt or constant regret for eating them lasts throughout the day. in the morning when i step on that scale the results determine what mood i'm in for the rest of the day... if i gain .5 lbs or 1-2 lbs, i'm miserable and feel disgusting all day. i'll cut back on what i eat, kick up the activity and then try to lose the weight again. if i do, i feel great about myself until the first meal i eat actual food. (i mostly eat cereal and fruit for breakfast and dinner.) guys, i know this is starting to get unhealthy but at what point do you stop the insanity of trying to lose weight and just start eating normal again? and how do you eat normal without fearing everything you eat will make you fat again?

Have you thought about going to talk to someone? This is just me talking but it kind of sounds like you may be on the verge of having an eating disorder. You never want to let food and exercise or the scale for that matter run your life that way. Please don't take this the wrong way I just want to help.

You just described me a few years ago. I had bulmia. I'm not saying you do, and I dont want to offend you, but my problem was not in the disease itself, but my compulisive nature, which I'm still trying to control and get help for. I went from 275 to 140 to 362 all within 7 years. Its a dangerous road. I beg of you, seek someone to talk too, Self image and self acceptance is everything.

First - congrats on actually achieving such an amazing weight-loss, you must've worked incredibly hard and you should be proud of yourself. :)

Second - I must agree with previous posters that you should seek out a qualified therapist to deal with this. Sounds like you still view yourself as that overweight person you once were, and even when you were at your highest weight, being disgusted with yourself for gaining .5 lb or feeling such overwhelming guilt is not healthy, good or constructive and will only lead to more anxiety, frustration and self-loathing. :(

Best of luck to you & take it easy on yourself!!

I agree with the advice ...
 

to seek help from a professional therapist. Preferably one that specializes in eating disorders and disordered eating.

If you do not have an "eating disorder" you certainly have "disordered eating" and should ask for help before things get out of hand and you end up sick. 1,000 calories isn't enough even for an 128 lb. woman. No person should drop below 1200 calories without medical supervision and most active women need at least 1500 just to maintain basic metabolic rate (the number of calories to do automatic functions throughout the day).

Until you can seek help, there are a couple of books I'd like to suggest. They are "Overcoming Overeating" and "When Will Women Stop Hating Their Bodies". These books discuss self-esteem as it relates to body weight for women and might help you in the short term.

Good luck!

thank you all for your help...