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Old 03-16-2011, 03:05 PM   #1  
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Unhappy Do you ever feel like it's all just FUTILE??

This might just be because i'm having a bad day...but my LORD i feel awful! I made the mistake of going shopping for new jeans yesterday....standing in that dressing room...looking at myself in the 3 way mirror. Then trying on pair after pair after pair, just to have them all look absolutely HORRID. I stood there and cried. Told myself i didn't deserve to be loved...dont deserve the boyfriend i have and i'm an embarrassment to him. How did i get this way and WHY is it not clicking that i need do get off my fat A** and DO something. I've joined weight watchers, I have a gym membership...but it's CONSISTENCY that i just cannot seem to find. Has anyone else had this hump and how on earth did you get over it????
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Old 03-16-2011, 03:12 PM   #2  
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I feel that way sometimes and I've lost 60 pounds and dropped from a size 20 to a size 12. I know that I've been getting results but I feel like it's not good enough or I look worse then I did to begin with at times. When it happens I just try and remind myself to stick to plan and worry about it later. Fat comes off randomly so I figure when I reach goal I will have a better idea of what I'm going to have to live with. It helps to look at old pictures and stuff but you're so early in you just gotta power through it until you can start seeing tangible results.
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Old 03-16-2011, 03:18 PM   #3  
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It happens to even the most successful. (which I am not) but we just have to remember that everyone has a bad day in the dressing room, everyone has slip ups, and sometimes we fall we stay down longer than we should, its normal. You said you know what you need, consistency, dedicate yourself to yourself, if that makes sense. Focus on yourself, in a positive light, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Get back on plan. Don't wait til tomorrow start now, because you deserve it. Plus the beautiful thing about love? We can give it to whom ever we want, whenever we want and that applies to your boyfriend, its his choice to love you, not yours.
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Old 03-16-2011, 03:21 PM   #4  
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I think we've all felt this way at one time or another. And finding jeans/pants that fit is a nightmare at any size! And it's because none of us are shaped the same! Have you ever watched "What Not to Wear"? Those women are every size and shape and the one consistent message to all of them comes with an eye roll from Stacey...you have to try on a lot of jeans! But the end result is worth it. Some are cut short, some are cut narrow, some have huge waists, some small, tapered legs, skinny legs, huge legs, big butt, and I could go on forever. It is frustrating to buy jeans and not just for you!

I just went pants shopping the other day at Old Navy and bought two different pair in two different sizes...from the same store! You just have to try them on.

I like that word "consistency". You'll get there. Find a plan and make a commitment to stick to it for a period of time. If all you can handle is a week, then stick to it for a week! At the end of the week you'll have kicked some habits, learned some new behaviors and hopefully curbed some cravings. Re-evaluate and commit to another new week of being on plan. I did exactly this with a commitment to one year's worth of being on plan. When my one year anniversary rolled around I hadn't lost all 100 pounds, but I had lost 75! I never would have lost so much without a commitment to doing so. And on that day I re-committed to another year of being on plan, no matter what.

Last edited by Eliana; 03-16-2011 at 03:23 PM.
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Old 03-16-2011, 03:43 PM   #5  
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Like niafabo said, you just have to power through it. It's a day to day struggle sometimes, but you can do it. You might have to "positive talk" yourself every single day, and that's ok because it can help get you through the negativity. You are worth it, and you are worth being loved. Just be patient and try your hardest!
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Old 03-16-2011, 04:40 PM   #6  
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Originally Posted by shoeluver67 View Post
I stood there and cried. Told myself i didn't deserve to be loved...don't deserve the boyfriend i have and I'm an embarrassment to him.
Oh, honey. Do not let trying on pants do this to you. I mean, you should never talk to yourself in such a brutal way, but particularly not because a pair of pants isn't fitting right or flattering you.

You are calling yourself unworthy of love.

That has nothing to do with the fit of an item of clothing. But you know that, don't you?

When your thoughts start flying thick & fast, and snowballing, and getting all stuck together like that, you need to take a deep breath & try to stop it. Because it's leading to you hurting yourself.

We often say here that people say things to themselves that they'd never say to a dear friend.

I mean, think about it. You are out with a girlfriend, and you're in a dressing room, trying on clothes. You ask her to show you the pair she just took in with her. She tells you no, they don't fit right. What do you do? This is your friend, remember. Do you tell her that, since pants don't fit, she's worthless, that she doesn't deserve to have a boyfriend, that she's an embarrassment to him & also to you when you're walking down the street? No, you wouldn't. You know anyone who'd do that would be EVIL and unspeakably cruel. So why do that to yourself?

What would you do instead? Say, "Cheer up, we'll try on some other ones. Or maybe we need a break. Let's go for a walk, enjoy the sun. We can go back to looking at jeans later." I mean, you'd try to distract her in this low moment, wouldn't you?

Treat yourself gently when you feel yourself going to pieces like that.

Do not let it escalate & lacerate yourself more.

I'm glad you posted here about this.

(And yes, dressing rooms can be squalid places & many tears are shed inside them. And not only by you. I'm at goal & I still have a habit of grabbing parts of me & lifting them up or pulling them back, wishing to see how I'd look if they disappeared or were minimized. Then I realize I'm kind of, er, mutilating myself, and I get out of there & go have a cup of tea someplace & watch the different-shaped people walk by. People-watching makes me feel better. Because so few of them are mannequin-shaped. It brings me back to reality & away from Dreams of the Ideal.)

Last edited by saef; 03-16-2011 at 04:41 PM.
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Old 03-16-2011, 05:00 PM   #7  
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I feel that way now and then but I refuse to let that person win!

As for jeans- you need to brand shop- some brands look TERRIBLE on me while others are made for a person with my curves. I remember I used to wear these jeans called "c'est toi" (It's you) and they WERE made for me lol. I adored those jeans when I was younger
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Old 03-16-2011, 05:13 PM   #8  
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Yes, I feel that way almost every time I look in the bathroom mirror and see any of my numerous flaws. Its strange but when I look in my bathroom mirror I am more close up in brighter light (hmm, sounds like a fitting room) and all I can see are bad things. But when I look in my bedroom mirror, I stand further way in softer light and I see improvement and progress.

I have to stop the horrible self-talk right in its tracks and try to remember why I am doing this. I try to use the bathroom mirror only for the neck up.
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Old 03-16-2011, 07:40 PM   #9  
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I remember going shopping right after I had hit the 100 pounds lost mark and standing in the dressing room in some too-tight, completely unflattering pants and thinking "Holy cow, I've lost 100 pounds and I'm still a fat mess."

I had a moment with myself where I thought about what it would take to not feel like a fat mess, and I realized that I was already doing it. I was on-plan every single day and that's all you can do; I couldn't change the rate the weight comes off, I couldn't change the fact that it comes off your boobs long before it comes off your hips. Just stay on-plan, and be a little nicer to myself, was all I could do.
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Old 03-17-2011, 10:47 AM   #10  
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Not futile but I will use another F word -- FRUSTRATING! Jeans are my achilles heal. I can fit perfectly into a size 12 pant but when trying on jeans....forget it. They are SO tight in that size. So I made the decision that cargo pants are my new best friend. Besides, with the warm weather coming up, I don't want to wear jeans anyway.

And I'll never go shopping when I am having a bad self esteem day.

You are not alone. And I understand how you feel about your boyfriend but he should love you from the inside out -- and I am SURE that he does! You have lost weight and you are going in a downward direction! That is something you should be VERY proud of. And you'll get over this hump as more and more weight comes off. But even when you get close to your goal, you'll have bumps in the road. It's just a matter of knowing how to deal with them effectively when they happen.

Hang in there honey! We are here for ya!
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Old 03-17-2011, 11:17 AM   #11  
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Originally Posted by ShanIAm View Post
Not futile but I will use another F word -- FRUSTRATING! Jeans are my achilles heal. I can fit perfectly into a size 12 pant but when trying on jeans....forget it. They are SO tight in that size. So I made the decision that cargo pants are my new best friend. Besides, with the warm weather coming up, I don't want to wear jeans anyway.
Prior to gaining the weight, I always wore jeans a size larger than my pant's size. Now that I'm smaller again, it seems to be true again. At least THAT hasn't changed with vanity sizing! I personally think jeans are supposed to be comfortable, but designers think they're supposed to be tight.
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Old 03-17-2011, 11:34 AM   #12  
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+1 saef..... That's a great post. It's so true. Those mirrors and lights are awful.

I recently went to exchange an outfit that was one size to another smaller sized one. I went to the dressing room to make sure the smaller size fit. It did, but under those florescent lights it looked AWFUL. I knew the outfit looked fine on me, under normal daylight because I had tried on the bigger sized one at home.

But if I hadn't know that, I don't know if I would have bought it.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Be your own best friend.
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Old 03-17-2011, 11:57 AM   #13  
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I feel this way ALL the time. Not sure how to get past my mental block about everything, but I'm sure I'll find a way. My life is kind of chaotic right now, so that's probably got a lot to do with it. We're a lot harder on ourselves than we ought to be, which I think is part of the problem.

You'll be fine, I promise. Plus, those lights and mirrors are SO horrendous it's not even funny.
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Old 03-17-2011, 02:33 PM   #14  
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There is a proverb- fall down 7 times; get up 8.

I have had periods in my life where I was very focused and successful, and others where it seemed like I could just not get it together as far as fitness goes.

I feel like I am back on track now- but I know this is a day to day struggle.

And the hard thing is that you have to work a lot of days to really see results. When you are working out daily and get on scale or look in mirror and don't see a change, it can be frustrating.

But you are right- consistency is the key
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Old 03-17-2011, 02:48 PM   #15  
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It must be "that kind of day." I was feeling the same. It does seem that the diet goes on and on endlessly. And, yes, I look in the mirror and see every fault. I start wanting to channel my Mother: "I don't know what to buy for you. I never know what size you are going to be. You are fat and dumpy." or my all time favorite: "You look like an Irish washerwoman." (guess it was the tone of voice that got me, since I have no idea what an Irish washerwoman would really look like.) Anyway, I had to remind myself this morning that I am going to treat myself gently. It is the only way to get through this. I just want to be the best ME that I can be... that's all!
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