thank you everyone for responding, and sharing your thoughts and experiences.
shannon- i didn't exactly go into a panic, more into a depression. i felt so bad. and i had that "mindset" when i go into a binge. mindless, shove it into my mouth, i know what i'm doing is awful, but i'm not going to pay attention to that...
i didn't weigh myself this morning, because i felt so 'heavy' you know? i'm rational enough to know that one bad night isn't enough to undo my physical progress; i guess i was just so surprised that it took a small argument to throw me off. thank you for the words of encouragement- and for the hug
joyfullloser- thank you for bringing the positive side to this. i think that's what bugged me the most. that despite the things i can't control (the relationship, the unemployments, being laid off) i was able to harness control over my weight loss. i don't want to lose control over this
i just got over TOM last week, so it's definitely in response to my stupid boyfriend and the bad conversation we had (which honestly, we've had worse and i haven't turned to food). i'm not going to give myself the out! i woke up this morning tell myself that last night sucked big time, but it was last night. take it as an unplanned cheat. thanks again for the positive boost!
initiative- good advice on the exercise. i like yoga- it eases my mind. i'll pop in my fave video today
ncuneo- i definitely hear you. i know that me losing weight won't be the cure-all to my food issues. i guess i was just so surprised that a small argument lead me to it. i've been through so much these past few months, and have been so strong, a little argument threw me off kilter? i was like huh? even the day i got laid off was an on plan day...that's why i was so confused. i still battle with my urges to binge, for sure, but manage to talk myself out of it. i am taking today as a new day, and just trying to understand what about last night was so annoying that it made me leave my apt so late...i'm not going to beat myself up over it anymore. it happened. that's it. thank you
martinimouse- your post was great and really resonated with me. i guess my fear last night was that i would let my bad feelings and guilt dictate today-and as joyfulloser said, almost give myself an out. but i want to "latch" on to the good feelings i have, like you do. i feel better, i'm starting to look better, but more so, i'm proud that i've been consistent this time around. i usually don't stick to something for longer than 3 weeks. so that's my good feeling to latch on to.
also, like you mentioned, i feel as this time is different for me too. i think i'm taking the time more to really change my relationship with food, and my relationship with myself. i don't want to feel bad/guilty anymore. i don't want to just look good... if binges/emotional eating happens, i don't want to beat myself up anymore. i just want to get through it, learn from it, and grow. i truly want this to be a journey of the mind, body, and soul.
i couldn't sleep last night at all and woke up super late. (boo). but, after washing up, i read all your posts, fixed up an omelet with spinach and a glass of 1% milk, and it's really a new day. i feel crappy about waking up late, but it is what it is. i'll make sure to get out of the apartment today, do my yoga, and log this in my journal.
again, i can't thank you all enough for your posts- you've helped me pull through with your kind words and honesty. and we all get through, one day at a time. much love