I don't even know if he has a lot of self control or if he really doesn't have a desire for 'bad' foods. He is mostly drawn to healthy foods. Though, sweet foods he can't resist if they are there.

And our foods haven't changed. We ate a realllllly healthy diet, just I ate too much of it. Now, I make the meal, skip the potato or rice or bread and eat teh meat or beans and vegetables.

He's just a realllllllly honest person and he won't say something unless he reallllly means it. So, he won't say "I look nice" unless he means it 100%. He won't say, "you look thinner" unless I really do. This I know.

I guess I'm expecting too much. I'm SO excited about this journey. I feel so hopeful because all the building blocks are in place - I already have a healthy diet in place, I don't have a lot of the life stressors that made it difficult before and I am SLEEPING for the first time in ages. I'm not worried about failing, because I know I can do it. I guess I want him to be excited for me too?

He has said very little about the process. I know he admires me, but he admires me anyway. He wouldn't be any more proud of me if I cured cancer, because he already assumes I could if I put my mind to it.

Look at it this way: you can't change him. So either you find a way to do this on your own, or you stay fat. This board is full of people who can help you find ways to do things on your own, and I really, really hope you will work on solving the problem you can (and you really, really can--significant weight loss IS possible!) and not wasting energy wishing he were different.

Couldn't agree more with the ladies! Who posted previously.

As much as you need his support, you need to buck up and take the bull by the horns and get to It with or without his comments or you need to tell him EXACTLY what you want/need him to say. Being together that long doesnt make him a mind reader! "Man logic" is a prefect way to describe how alot of guys think!

I think some of you are thinking I need his support for losing weight. I don't. I'm excited, I am motivated and well, I want him to be excited too!

I 'KNOW' I can do this this time. All teh garbage that made it hard before, is gone now and I want to share that excitement.

Does that make sens? I don't need his cheers to get me to be more motivated, but it would feel nice to share my excitement.

You need to tell him some of the stuff you've posted.

I used to have a big bad hang-up about things like this. "I shouldn't HAVE to ask you to pay me compliments or offer some support! They don't mean anything if I have to ask!" I figured. I was wrong about that; praise still matters even when I ask for it, and sometimes I do. (I totally do that "Hey, look at how clean the kitchen floor is--praise me for it!" thing, too. It really works!)

How much of this is perception and how much is what he's really doing, too? Is he really giving you disapproving stares and making lugubrious faces whenever he sees you or are you perceiving those expressions on his face because you're searching for them? Pretty sure most of us have had the experience of catching a partner with what we see as a sour expression on his or her face and saying, "Oh, what was THAT look for!?" only to find that it wasn't a "look" at all.

You need to let him know that you notice the lack of praise and "I love you"s. You also need to be prepared for things not to change much; some people just don't express things with words. Period.

Losing weight is an almost entirely solitary endeavor. Encouragement is wonderful when it happens, but you don't dare need it. If you do, what happens when it's no longer there? What do you do when people stop telling you how great you're doing on your plan? What do you do when you realize (as I do sometimes) that you've lost a good bit of weight, but still have a long row to hoe?

The more ways you can find to support yourself emotionally, the better off you'll be. I'd still have a good long talk with him or write him a letter, though; lack of diet support is one thing, but a complete lack of compliments or words of endearment is more concerning than a weight issue.

I agree with Shmead 100%.

My boyfriend tried to give me support at the start and it didn't work well for us. We finally had to agree never to discuss weight or nutrition or any of those issues again.

Then later, when I finally ready to do this on my own, I started doing it. He gave "helpful" advice that went against everything I was doing. But I ignored it. I know he meant well.

I'm also in the camp that this is a journey that only YOU can do. No one else can make you feel good or bad about yourself unless you let them. This is about your relationship to your body, your food plan, and your health.

Talk to him if you want. But I suspect that he is not going to be very supportive because you've shown him in the past that the weight loss doesn't last. Until this becomes a life changing event for you, it may be hard to convince him otherwise. My boyfriend also thought this last attempt was just a temporary blip. It was only when he saw it lasted a long time that he finally accepted this was not just another failed attempt.

I won't lie to you. Men are visual creatures. My boyfriend would compliment me less and less as I got heavier. He still loved me, but he wasn't going to say something that wasn't true either.

As I've lose the weight and regained my shape, the compliments are thrown at me left and right. I could wear a burlap sack and he would think it looks great on me.

As you lose the weight, you'll notice the compliments get better.

But look, this is a change for the rest of your life. It has to be a fundamental change in your perception of your relationship to food/health.

Thank you. it is so true. Weight loss is a COMPLETE solitary venture and I'm up for it. I think I've been building up for it for years. First with getting rid of emotional eating. Then, better habits about food. Then I lost those ten pounds (with exercise) and kept them off. Then I lost another ten pounds (with working on projects around the house) and kept them off. My confidence was rebuilt. I finally felt I could DO THIS. My husband could have begged me before, and I wouldn't be able to do it. You have to be in a right frame of mind... a perfect point in your life. It's so true. Hard to explain this to someone who has never gone through it, but it's true.

And I just need to tell him. We've had so little time to talk, that it's crept up to 'bothering me' stage. It's hard when your teen is always awake, you live with your mother in law, and I'm always asleep by the time he comes to bed.

I know he is 'trying' to show support. I just need to guide him how to be more support and yes, that means TELLING HIM.

May I be the devil's advocate here and make a slightly different reply than all others?

I would jump down my husbands throat and either make it clear he needs to support me or keep his trap shut. Blithe criticism is not support in my eyes and I feel like the bacon comment was a dose of snide passive aggression. Not that this makes him a bad person, but I would have stopped right there and said "Oh, are you on board now? If not, keep it to yourself."

But that's just me. I have a big issue with people that seem to want nothing to do with your journey of self improvement no matter what it might be but are A-okay with being a backseat driver/sports commentator.

Ticks me right off. My vote: If he's gonna have you go it alone, fine. If not? He needs to do more than patronize you. Pronto.

As a man I can tell you that we are very simple. If you are expecting us to somehow know what you're thinking and what you want you can forget it because for the vast majority of us empathy is not a trait we posess.

On the other hand we are very good at following instructions. Tell us exactly what you want us to do.

:hug: Listen to what his actions say. They say more than words ever will.

I think your partner should support you. However, perhaps he hasn't honestly noticed a difference yet visually (since men are so visual)? I know for my DH, it took at least 50 pounds for him to say anything about the difference without prompting (and yes, I would prompt for compliments!!). Now, he sometimes looks at me and says he can't quite believe it's me. I really enjoy that, but it took time. He never said anything about my healthy food choices - but now that he's seeing a difference, he talks about it more.

I only skimmed the thread so I'm sorry if I'm repeating what has already been said.

Once he sees you visibly slimming down, looking happier, and making an effort to change your eating habits I have a feeling he will get a lot more supportive. Explain to him that having 1 piece of bacon is okay as long as you count it in your calories/carbs/points/whatever plan you're doing.

This made me laugh. I guess that's how I took it too. And he does a LOT of backseat driving, and it DOES drive me nuts. I take care of everythign with the kids and house. He'll just comment, "why haven't you done, X". or the WORST, when I'm working in the kitchen - the only one who cooks in it and the only one who cleans it and he'll say something like, "Why do you put the apple core in the sink and not directly in the trash when you're cutting up the apple?" MAN does that bug me. I'M the one who cleans it all up, so why the comment? he basically stands by and watches and only comments to correct things (like his mother, now that I think about it).

So, it was hurtful, and berating... but I know he didn't MEAN it that way. he was trying to help. I know that, but that's that stuff that hurts me personally, more than helps me. If you don't help a person they way they need it, then it's not help/support.

True enough... My husband is a wonderful man and a wonderful father and I realllllly love him to pieces. Sometimes we just don't get the time to talk.

Well, I can't see a difference visually either - it's only 1 month and 7 pounds.

And it took your husband FIFTY Pounds to notice? LOL But see, you were good enough to prompt him. I need to do that.