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Old 02-01-2011, 07:40 PM   #1
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Default Stop trying to control EVERYTHING mom!!!!

Urgh!!!! While my failures in the end are MOSTLY my fault, my mom's extreme need to micromanage everything doesn't help. My mom and I are opposites in at least that respect. While I dont mind following directions or obeying authority, I absolutely cannot stand ANYONE trying to control me! ESPECIALLY when it comes to personal things like hygiene, diet, etc. In the past, my mom has always "researched" things for me and convinced me to do them. And so, because I get HARSH glares ANYTIME I do or eat ANYTHING that isn't "approved" by her, I instinctively rebel against it, and ruin myself. And now I have a GREAT plan, I am feeling good, and she RUINED it!!!!!!!!!!!! She came in and sat down on my bed, and began talking about how she wants me to do a Vegetarian Atkins. No offense to anyone who does Atkins, but I personally HATE it. I absolutely REFUSE. I NEED carbs to keep me full. Protein, while I NEED it without a doubt, just does not keep me full! I explained that to her, but she refuses to believe me. I'm sorry, but Atkins has never worked for me in the past, while low calorie HAS, so I want to stick with what works.... Sorry mom, next time, ask permission before you make those kind of decisions for your 18 year old daughter. Urgh!!!!!! I feel like crying or ruining everything I'm working for, just because she wants to be in control!! *sigh*

I just don't understand, if something's not broken, why does she feel the overwhelming need to fix it to fit what SHE wants to see, even if it's not what I have found to work really well????
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Old 02-01-2011, 07:50 PM   #2
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I'm so sorry you feel stuck and angry. I'm the same type; I love practicing my flute but if my parents mentioned that I should do it I'd refuse on principle. I've gotta make my own way, too.

One thing you might do to show her that you've done your research is look into your metabolic type. I'm reading Winning by Losing, one of Jillian Michaels's books. In it, you can take a detailed quiz about what metabolic type you are. From there, she offers tips about what nutritional balance (protein, fat, carbs) you should be eating for you type. Some people really should have a higher balance of carbs than others.

Good luck showing your mom that you have the reigns. I'm sure she feels that she's helping you, so it's probably prudent to let her know how you feel about her interference and the fact that it's messing up your plan. It may be difficult for her, but I imagine the last thing she wants to do is sabotage your plan.

Good luck!
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Old 02-01-2011, 08:14 PM   #3
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One thing you might try is "let's make a deal". Tell her you have a plan and you don't want to abandon it, but if in three months, it isn't working, you'll try her plan.
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Old 02-01-2011, 08:23 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Shmead View Post
One thing you might try is "let's make a deal". Tell her you have a plan and you don't want to abandon it, but if in three months, it isn't working, you'll try her plan.
good plan and congrats lady, good luck!!
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Old 02-01-2011, 10:07 PM   #5
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Thanks guys...

I'm sorry... it just... really upsets me... when she begins to say things like that... especially the "I don't believe you, that's not true" comments (when I have spent days, sometimes weeks researching)... just make me really upset. I know it's because she wants the best for me... but sometimes what's the best for me isn't what is the best for my Dad. My Dad did AWESOME on Atkins. Lost around 80 lbs. As for me... having my mom force me on it just... well... made me cheat. Over and over again. To the point where I would steal money from her purse to use over the course of the week to get little snacks. This was when I was 11. Sort of my first "rebellion" I guess.

I fell off the bandwagon last time I did calorie counting... but that doesn't mean that those 10 pounds I lost were nothing.

It's also sort of a feeling of "am I good enough for mom?". It frustrates me because I work hard on something, and then mom wants me to do something completely different or tells me that I shouldn't do it, or I should do it this way instead. Doesn't quite make me feel... I dunno... like I'm good enough. I know it's not true... and I HAVE told her this before... but... I'm always the one who's supposed to change... not her...

Like I said... thanks. Sorry for the vent...
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Old 02-02-2011, 03:43 AM   #6
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I dont think diets are the answer.. and atkins is a classic diet.. you cant do that forever, can you? You are 100% right, stick to the low calorie thing.. i think thats the only proper way to lose weight and MAINTAIN it afterwards. You mum might seem controlling but its only becuase she wants the best for you and doesnt think your mature enough (even though you seem it) to make such decisions yourself but as long as its working then keep doing it! Hope this helps!
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Old 02-02-2011, 04:23 AM   #7
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Oh honey, she had you on Atkins at 11? Had she spoken to a doctor or nutritionist? I agree with Shmead, you need to be firm that you are trying something and if it doesn't prove sustainable, you will consider her option. However, it is most important to be clear that YOU will be the one deciding what you do. You need to let her know that her controlling nature and repeated attempts to make you conform to her plans has led to you using food as an escape valve. Essentially, you are eating off plan to exert your will and have at least one moment where you feel you are your own person.
This exertion of control is therefore happening from both your mother and yourself. One of you will have to cede control eventually in order for either to make progress. You need to commit 100% to your plan and be FIRM, do not let her glances stop you from doing this for your health, OR you need to let this go and try her plan with NO cheats for a set period of time and if you cannot maintain or do not see results you have proof and you can bring that up to her every time she tries to sell you on another one. Someone has got to give to break the cycle.

either way, you cannot let your stubbornness be the reason you cheat. The only person you hurt by cheating is yourself.

Never wonder if you are good enough for your parent, it only leads to despair. I should know, I spent 15 years trying to please my anorexic father with my weight loss and NEVER succeeded. We are not here to please our parents, we are here to be ourselves not them. My parents respect me more for being me and following my path than they would if I did everything they wanted me to.

Mini Goal #1: 145 (DL weight) Met:2/27/2011
Mini Goal #2: 140 (5 lbs to go!) Met:3/20/2011
Original GOAL: 135 (Swimsuits!) Met:5/12/2011
24 Months of maintenance! 05/12/13
Half Marathon Finisher 9/16/12, x2 7/4/13!

Re-committing 4/26/14 at 145
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Old 02-02-2011, 05:03 AM   #8
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Oh man, I would for sure be making a vent post if I were in your situation. That is just plain HARD to deal with! What does your dad say about the whole thing?

You definitely need to try to have a heart to heart with her -- and as hard as it might be, try not to get too snippy when you're talking to her (even though I think you have every right to). That'll just make her dig in. You could ask to see a doctor or nutritionist with her for advice as well - kind of a neutral 3rd party who could explain to her that her way isn't the ONLY, or even necessarily the BEST plan for YOU.

Best wishes, I really hope you get it straightened out!
START: May 25, 2010
FIRST GOAL... 299lbs - ACHEIVED 9/28/10
SECOND GOAL...250lbs - ACHEIVED 4/13/11
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