The cobbler is holding me hostage
 

So I participate in a language exchange group and last week the other members were talking about food from different countries. They asked me about some American foods and I mentioned apple pie. They all said they had never tried it. I told them I would make them some apple cobbler instead. True to my word, on Tuesday I made a pan of apple cobbler for the group. I made too much filling so I had enough for a second smaller pan which I used to "test" the cobbler before I brought the bigger one to my group. The big pan is gone but the little pan is still in my kitchen and I can hear it calling my name. I live in a tiny little loft style apartment and for the last two days I have been pretty much just staying upstairs so I don't have to deal with it.

I know the easiest option is to just throw the damn thing away but then I start to feel guilty about wasting the money (apples are EXPENSIVE here). Then I try to think of who I can give it to but none of my friends are really into sweets. Normally I would just bring it to work and my problem would be solved in thirty seconds, but we're still on winter break. I keep making excuses and avoiding the kitchen and the living room(proximity).

I hear it calling my name right now and it's also telling me how wonderful it would taste with ice cream from the mart downstairs...:s:

Help! I should just throw it away right? The money isn't worth a possible cobbler and ice cream binge, right?

Chuck it! Let's say the cobbler cost 5 bucks or so- atleast that portion does. Would you pay 5 dollars to keep from regaining a pound? Or to lose a pound?

Conversely- if someone paid you 5 dollars to deliberately gain a pound, would you do it? I know I wouldn't.

Next time don't offer to make your trigger foods for other people.

Just chuck it. Problem solved.
A.

Freeze it - take it to your next meeting. :)

THROW IT AWAY!!! lol Really, just throw it away. You have no one to give it to so why keep it? Are expensive apples worth the guilt you KNOW you would feel after the fact??? I am willing to bet however much those apples cost that it is not worth the guilt.

Ask the elves to set you free? :D

Seriously, either throw it out or freeze it in individual portions so you're not tempted to binge. I noticed you're short like I am - if you're just waiting to find someone to give it to, try putting it on a high shelf that's hard for you to reach.

I am shocked how readily a lot of people throw out food. I would say divide it into individual servings and freeze them. I am sure it will come handy when you have somebody visiting etc.

Is there anyone else in your building? Maybe you can leave it at someone's doorstep with a "from your friendly neighbor baker" note (and your name/apt # so they know you aren't a psycho). :P

Whenever I have an urge to make cookies, I freeze a few for the kids' lunch, then put the rest in a tin and ship it off to the office with hubby. Where's your language exchange course? If it's on a campus, college guys always appreciate random treats.

ETA another idea: Give it to whoever owns the "mart downstairs." :P

But y'all, she admits the tendency to BINGE and not only binge but go out and buy ice cream especially for this occasion... In that case, I see no other option than get it out of there. Some of us would do fine dividing it out and freezing but I got the impression from her that it could lead to sabotage. I don't like the idea of throwing out food either, but for her what else can she do?

Yup. Chuck it.

I would freeze it until winter break is over then bring it in for the others to enjoy. If it still tempts you just throw it away and chalk it up to an expensive lesson learned.

The only reason I disagree with this is because allowing a behavior to control you doesn't solve the behavior. If you have a tendency to binge eat, and simply remove temptation when at home, it won't allow you to fix the issue for when you have no option to remove temptation. Like with quitting smoking: a lot of people lock themselves up in a facility until the full withdrawal has passed. Once they get out, they have a huge tendency to relapse, because they never learn how to do day to day activities without it. Ditto on weight loss "programs" like the Biggest Loser.

I do agree with you there Altari, at some point she is going to have to learn the same self control all of us have. I'm going by her 3FC join date and the amount of weight loss she has logged so far and maybe she just hasn't had time for all of this to come together. But again, I whole-heartedly agree with you, she can't spend the rest of her life "running from food".

There were times when my mom would make my bday cake and offer me what was leftover, often-times at least half and I would happily lug it home and eat it over the course of a few days. Then I began only taking a piece. Now I just have one piece and leave everything and let her deal with it, LOL

By this logic, alcoholics should keep plenty of booze around the house.

It's true that alcoholics can't avoid all situations in which alcohol is served, but that doesn't mean that it helps to seek out those situations or make them permanent by living surrounded by booze.

Research consistently shows (regardless of the particular temptation) that removing the temptations from your home actually increases your ability to resist that temptation outside of your home. I suspect, because of extinction (cognitive behavioral psychology - it essentially means the reinforcement or reward for a behavior has been removed long enough to weaken it's strength as a temptation or habit).

In essence, not giving in, becomes your norm (even if it is because you've changed your environment to remove the temptation).

First, I'm not saying she should keep trigger foods around the house purposely. I'm saying that pitching a food to avoid eating it is simply letting the poor behavior control you. I don't keep cookies around my house as a rule, but I can bake a batch of cookies for my kids or guests without binging on them. Most importantly - and why I'm so baffled by your comparison - I know that the binge on cookies isn't going to turn me into a mad drunk, intoxicate me to the point that my car is a deadly weapon, or land me in the hospital with cookie poisoning.

Alcoholics have to totally restart their lives to recover. They ask friends and family to kindly avoid bringing alcohol to events to aid in recovery - and, if said people won't, they don't go. How many of us have completely cut out enablers and food pushers? How many of us ask Great Aunt Erna to not bring her world famous triple-chocolate cake to Christmas because we're a recovering obese person?

It's true that some unhealthy baviors have less severe consequences than many other harmful behaviors, but that doesn't mean that it is necessary to indulge in a behavior because it's popular and less harmful than some. No one needs to eat cookies or apple cobbler, and throwing away a cookie or cobbler doesn't mean that the behavior controls you.

What I find baffling is why a choice that is seen as a sign of strenght for a behavior with severe consequences is seen as a sign of weakness for a behavior with less severe ones. If an alcoholic throwing away wine (rather than saving it for social drinking friends) is a good choice, why is throwing away a cookie a bad one?



People have said the same thing (and some still do) about alcohol, smoking, gambling and other behaviors too. Pitching the food is a legitimate whay to control the behavior. It may not be the only way, but it is a legitimate way (and the research suggests it's a more effective way)


If you were a compulsive gambler and bought an instant lottery ticket, deciding to give (or even throw away) the ticket wouldn't be "letting the behavior control you."

If you give up smoking, and find an old pack, throwing it away rather than saving it for when smoking friends visit, isn't letting the behavior control you.

And if someone gives you cake or cobbler (even if that someone is yourself) throwing it away doesn't mean the behavior is controlling you. Throwing away the food is a way to control the behavior, not a sign that you don't.




Not many, but if more people did, weight loss success rates would probably be less dismal. The most common method isn't always the most effective

I have a BA and MA in psychology, and studied substand abuse and other behavior disorder treatment, and most early treatments were aimed at teaching the person to resist rather than avoid temptations. But willpower is actually the least effective method. Removing yourself from the tempting situation, or removing the temptation from the situation is the most effective. Learning to strengthen your willpower is less successful than learning to find ways to avoid needing to use it (and this has been shown to be true regardless of the temptation involved). Effective willpower is more about finding ways not to need it.




In the early days of alcohol treatment, the idea of total abstinence was considered just as strange and impractical as we now view total abstinence from refined sugar.

Some problem drinkers can and do return to social drinking, that doesn't make it the best way or the way for everyone - and doesn't mean that people who make different choices are less in control of their behavior. It would be like saying that alcoholic bartenders who don't drink are stronger and in more control than alcoholics who avoid drinking alcohol by other methods. It's hogwash, doing what you find easiest is more important than proving to anyone (including yourself) that you have control.

When you're living with other people, you may have to learn to live with problem foods (or substances for that matter), but when you're in charge of the food, throwing it out is a legitimate and effective way to control your behavior, and no one should be guilted or shamed from whatever techniques they find helpful.

my two cents on addiction- (i also come from a psychology background, i have a masters in social work, and have worked with people in various stages of addiction).

whatever you are addicted to, when you make that choice to recover, you do have start over from scratch. no matter what. you have to cognitively overhaul your way of thinking, modify your behavior, and learn to cope with daily temptations and struggles. because the urges will be there and you'll have to combat them on a regular. you'll have to cut some people out of your life, stop hanging out in certain places, find out who is really going to support you and who isn't, put yourself before your addiction. and it's a life long process. i've met alcoholics who have been in recovery for over 15 years, who still struggle not to buy a bottle of whiskey when life thows a curveball at them.

when it comes to food, it can be especially hard, because we can't entirely avoid food. you need to eat. yes, you don't have to eat cobbler, but you still have to eat, and you can't avoid every situation where there will be treats and such. if she feels as though throwing out the cobbler is going to help her at this point in time in reaching her goals, then so be it. maybe in time, she can deal with having some cobbler in the house. or maybe not, maybe it'll have to be having treats while out and about.

also, food addiction has awful consequences- not only to one's health, but it has financial consequences and emotional consequences. many times in the past, i have put myself in further debt or have blown money i should have spent on rent or other bills on food during a week long binge due to my compulsion and addiction. this kind of addiction causes one to feel shameful, often leading to isolation and one to go further down the spiral.

sorry for the long post. so, my verdict. throw it out, get rid of it somehow, if you need to.

I keep reading this thread title, in "recently updated" threads, and wondering if the shoemaker has let you out of his shop yet.

"You NEVER PAID ME after I replaced the little black thingies on the bottoms of your stiletto heels."

That is totally what I thought!

And I agree on pitching it. It's going to end up in the toilet anyway, why does it need to make a stop in your belly first?

:rofl:

@ seagirl and saef...too funny!

Thank goodness someone else thought the same thing. I made a comment earlier and since nobody said anything, thought you must all think I was insane!

:rofl::rofl::rofl: I'm going to need to remember that next time I'm tempted to eat something I shouldn't...:hug:

Thanks everyone for the input. As soon as I submitted this thread I realized I was having a weak moment and needed to be strong so I immediately went downstairs and threw it out and then went to the gym. The money was not worth the risk of keeping it around.

And to the poster that commented on my start date and weight loss progress, I'm sure your intentions weren't malicious but reading that was a bit of a gut punch. I didn't expect to feel judged on this website. Again I'm sure no harm was meant but that was just my initial reaction. I signed up on December 28th-ish and it has taken me a couple of weeks to get into the full swing of things, but I am fully committed now and that's why I posted this thread, for support. I knew what I needed to do: NOT eat the cobbler. I knew the best means to avoid that situation: Throw it away. However, I thought I needed some additional strength/support and thus posted about it here.

So again, thank you to everyone for the supportive advice and I think I will be taking down my stats for awhile.



Oh and thanks for the cobbler/shoemaker comments they provided a much needed laugh!

Well intended or not, this was completely inappropriate. You cannot judge a person's dedication or level of commitment or the odds of their ultimate success by the speed of their weight loss (well actually you could of course, but it doesn't mean you'd be correct).

I've lost far faster in every weight loss attempt than this current one, and yet this one is the one that's been successful in the long run. The others weren't. I've never lost so much weight, nor kept it off so long, nor gone so long without relapse/regains.

But if you were to gauge my progress by my speed, you'd guess that I "just don't get it."

I "get it" very well. My slow pace is partially by design (a small part), and partially by circumstance (no doubt I'd be losing faster if I had discovered my personal weight loss keys twenty years ago before I had insulin resistance/diabetes, thyroid, autoimmune, pain and mobility issues).



I've been "shamed" all my life by people telling me how I "should" be losing weight - what I should be eating, what I shouldn't be eating, what I should be able to eat occasionally, what I should be able to keep in the house without binging, how rapidly I should be losing, how long it should take...

It's all bullpoo, finding what works has absolutely nothing to do with "should." Many of us have wasted far too much effort on what "should" have worked, rather than finding what actually does.

I never gave low-carb eating much of a shot because I assumed it was unhealthy and unsustainable. The only plan that works and keeps hunger at bay was something I never tried, because I thought following the food pyramid "should" have worked. I tried it over and over and over again, thinking it eventially would work. If I had looked at what worked instead of what should have worked, I could have reached a healthy weight twenty years ago.