The wonderful world of awkardness
 

Has anyone else noticed how awkward it is to lose weight/be healthy? I know one thing that makes me SUPER uncomfortable is when people comment on how I am being healthy; like for example, tonight at Red Lobster my friend would not stop talking about healthy my dinner was (1/2 portion rainbow trout, asparagus, and broccoli). I know it sounds weird to complain about compliments about eating habits, but my belief that is my eating habits are my own and unless I start to display overt symptoms of an eating disorder, I would rather people just left it alone. It puts me on the spot and I know she is jealous because she says she can't go very long on a healthy eating plan (even though I am just pulling myself out of my extremely bad eating).

Has anybody else experienced this- attempts at compliments that are just really awkward?

I know exactly what you mean. I love Red Lobster! I usually get the sirloin, the walt's favorite shrimp, mashed potatoes, potato soup and I usually have one biscuit. Before I started my journey I'd also have soda, but now I've totally cut soda out of my life. I found an app that tells you the calorie amounts of food at restaurants and found out my favorite meal at Red Lobster is a wopping 1300 calories!!! I was so disappointed. I recently had this meal for my birthday, I figured it was high so I planned for it but I didn't realize exactly how high it was.

Now on to the awkward part, I was at a restaurant with my MIL recently and ordered a salad and a chicken sandwich and she was very weirded out by my choices. My in-laws have been trying to get me to be healthy for a very long time and it was like she was shocked that I was finally doing it. Now that I am finally getting healthy and making better choices, it's like they don't want me to. I can't tell you how many times the fam has tried to get me out to pizza. I know a slice won't kill me, but it's my biggest weakness. I know I won't just have a slice or two, I'll eat half the pizza. So I am staying away from it for now.

@ Peachy, Yes! People I work with eat out Every. Single. Night. Of course I have these nice pretty prepared meals I bring and they stare like I have green skin and antennae on the top of my head. Dont even get me started on my fat southern family at KeepChristInChristmasTime. I started my diet this past December and refused to eat the comfort food. They had less of a reaction when I told them I was an athiest.


@ Lauren. Tonight at work one of the guys offered pizza. Pizza! That creamy cheesy bready goodness that you cant eat just one but maybe stick your face in the whole thing and inhale until its gone food. I could smell it down the hall. I was salivating at the smell and glaring at my fruit cocktail. Ahh good times, good times. No I'm lying. Bad times bad times. I see a 300 calorie breakfast in my future.

For me it depends on who's commenting. If it someone in my life that already makes healthy food choices...ok which is pretty much no one, but lets say a coworker. I get the most support from coworkers. I don't feel awkward. We are all in healthcare and we have no reason we don't want to see each other healthier.
Now if its from someone I know has a long history of making poor food choices, and having the misery loves company attitude, and their comments reak of jealousy. I generally dont like it. But I will still give them a thank you and try to move on from the topic.

I, myself, am pretty socially awkward in general. Not creepy awkward (I hope!) but I do have trouble with knowing the right thing to say at any given time.

Some awkward compliments and my awkward responses since I've been losing weight -

Friend: You're half the woman you used to be!
Me: Uhh . . . .

Friend: I almost didn't recognize you! You look so different.
Me: Well, um, but I'm still the same person.
Friend: Well, yeah, that's not what I meant.
Silence.

Friend: You've been working really hard. You look great.
Me: Well, um, maybe a little. (Yes, I know this one made NO sense!)

Friend: You've lost a buttload of weight!
Me: (Uncontrollable laughter.)

Friend: You're so skinny!
Me: I'm definitely NOT skinny.
Silence.

Since it's so hard to tell tone in print, I should say that all of these compliments were well-intentioned, delivered with smiles and goodwill. I just . . . am really, really bad at replying appropriately. :)

As far as healthy choices go, I agree with you - don't comment on my food/activity choices, and I won't comment on yours. If you're genuinely asking questions because you're interested, then great, but otherwise, don't we have better things to talk about?

Jenmusic, I might be wrong, but it sounds like its uncomfortable for you to accept a compliment. (Assuming its a genuine compliment and not a left handed one. And I hate that term for it, as I am left handed!!!).

I felt like that for years, and still do. My response to any compliment was to deny it or say nothing. Not just about my weight, but anything. If someone said my hair looked nice, I had to either say something like "oh this rat nest, I hate it" or I'd said nothing at all.

But then one day someone pointed out to me, that first, it was kind of rude to refute a compliment. I put myself on the giving end, and how it would feel to give someone a compliment, and to have them shoot it down, especially if I knew it was the same person that could never just take a compliment.

Secondly, it was told to me that it would feel a lot better, if I just said "thank you."...and you know, it did.

So I practiced. And I try when someone compliments me, to simple say thank you. (sometimes, I end up refuting it before I can just say thank you, but I'm getting better) Its nice because they are 2 simple words, so I can't forget them or mess them up. (I know I get a little lost for works when I get uncomfortable)

After awhile you'll start to feel good when someone gives you a compliment. Not all compliments are going to be, um, clean cut. People have their own way of saying things, and some compliments may seem awkward, but really its because some people may not be smooth with words. But you should enjoy all the compliments you receive just the same. You deserve to enjoy compliments people pay you! :)

I have this horrible feeling that my friends like me less now that I watch what I put into my mouth. What a sad world we live in when it's "weird" to want to be healthy and live long.

It's hard for those around us to compliment us on our weight loss.

Basdically any comment that we have lost weight and look good carries with it the unsaid implication that we were fat and looked bad before, and no one wants to say that because it's rude, even if it was true.

There was a girl that came to my choir who started losing weight and she began to look really fab. She wasn't very large, maybe a size 14 - chubby rather than fat.

I was talking to her parents one day and they were telling me how worried they were that she was losing so much weight (they are both very overweight) and that it wasn't healthy and she was refusing to eat. But she was at a very healthy weight for a girl her age and height (15 years old and about 5'8" tall). She looked amazing - not too skinny - but beautifully slim.

She had done so well, and all they could do was put her down.

She was probably just refusing to eat the food they gave her as it was so unhealthy and they had no idea.

Anyway, I have digressed a bit - the point is, that it took me so long to compliment her on her weight loss, but when I did, her face just lit up and she was so pleased that I had noticed.

So learn to accept compliments graciously - as the person giving it to you means it with a good heart!!

I find awkward when people make a comment that I look a lot better, or that I am not as big as I was. It makes me feel horrible, like I was some gigantic freak, and I didn't realize it. I did not feel that big or overweight. I just hate it when someone points it out. It makes me feel like they lied to me or was not honest about how I looked before. I dunno. It just makes me feel ashamed of myself.

*I haven't lost much yet in this round of WL, but from my past experience I guess I'm just easy to please :^: Anyone gives me a compliment and I'm wearing a big smile with 'Oh, thank you!' coming out of my mouth. The big smile is genuine, I'm happy that it is starting to show because I'm a nut about instant gratification.

This time around I am working with all men soooo its only a matter of time before someone starts giving me crap about the cottage cheese and apples in the fridge. That will feel awkward for me, because any comment that I will see for a good long while WILL be teasing, that is just the way these guys are. So, I'll be the fat girl eating carrot sticks for awhile, but then later I'll be the healthy girl who brings healthy food to work - so I will just have to not let it get to me.

I am lucky in the friends dept. My two best friends have both lost a significant amount of weight and have been so supportive, but waiting I think, for me to join them. I'm the type who has tried and true 'BEST friends', and 'acquantences' (sp) who are great, but their opinion doesn't affect me.

Oddly, I really don't experience this. But my eating habits haven't change dramatically either. My portions have changed, and now and then someone will say something about that. But there's very little I won't eat. It bugs people that I won't drink pop. LOL! "But it's free." :dizzy: I pass on doughnuts at work and someone generally will say something about that, and yes, it's annoying. Mostly though, I surround myself with supportive people who are either in the middle of losing weight themselves or have watched me struggle for years and years. Once I stopped telling my mom how much more I wanted to lose, life got good. ;)

If someone comments about my food choices being healthy, I generally reply by saying something about the food also being delicious. If the comment was well meant I don't mind further discussion, but if it was backhanded or jealous then I try to change the subject nicely.

GlamourGirl - I say backhanded rather than left handed. I do it very purposefully as my father and nephew are lefties, as is my ex with whom I am still friends, and I have even had a left pawed cat. I am basically right handed, but pretty close to ambi.

I have used a multitude of coping phrases when confronted with comments from others. I will share a few and maybe you'll find something that works for you.

MIL says: Oooh, look at her plate. She's being such a good girl. No rolls for her. Me: To be honest, I don't really care for canned rolls. It's not that difficult to pass up. (since I made the dinner I don't consider this rude).

While eating out with a friend, she says: I don't know how you eat like that. Me: If I had your waist line, I wouldn't worry about what I put in my mouth either. But I don't, so I do. (I just gave her a compliment so there is no back talk and we go on our merry way).

Over at a friends house: But one won't hurt! Me: I can't stop at one. It's a drag sometimes but since my health has improved so much it just isn't worth it. I then proceed to bore them with my lowered blood sugar numbers, cholesterol and blood pressure.

Each and every conversation is different. Sometimes I sense people feel guilty about their own choices and maybe feel judged. Sometimes people feel sorry for me, because they know I love food and I'm missing out on things I used to love to eat. I always make it about me, what I'm getting out of it and the benefits to me. I think they feel less judged and I think they then see I'm not missing out because I'm so much healthier. I try for an open dialogue and transparency but I also try to keep it brief. But really in the end, I don't have any friends who want me to risk my health. I've been really open about my health issues and so they have a clear understanding of what I risk if the weight doesn't come off and stay off. In the beginning I played the doctor card ruthlessly--who's gonna argue with my doctor????

I will say, that as time goes on people comment less and less on what I'm doing. It's just kind of normal now. I can pretty much go anywhere and find something to eat so it's not like anyone has to go out of their way to feed me. Although I will say, 99% of my friends and family will make a point of having foods that I do eat and like. They love me ;) So, I will field a few comments on occasion and try to not take offense.

But, I also have to admit I don't have to deal with anyone who wants to sabotage me. They may feel sorry for me sometimes but they are quick to let it go.

OOps not what I meant, what I meant was Thumbs up to ANewCreation!!

Yah I had one person at work tell me that I was going to look so cute when I lost weight, hm, thanks :( Another co-worker tell me that they were happy to see my losing weight as my diet was pretty horrible before that. Seriously?? I mean it was sometimes but I didn't eat most of my unhealthy food at work, imagine if she saw what I ate at home! Now that I am eating healthy I had another co-worker ask me how I was losing weight as all I seem to do is eat now. Granted I am eating a lot through the day but fruits and healthy snacks, but this comment stung as I am still pretty sensitive about my weight and for someone to point out that I am always eating hurt my feelings.

You're not wrong. :) For most things, it is VERY dfficult for me to accept compliments. I know it's a self-esteem issue. I think your advice is great, and I need to practice accepting compliments gracefully, but it's so stinkin' hard!

I have this feeling about a few of my acquaintances. There was also some tension between my sister and me when I saw her over Christmas. She even told me she was sad and disappointed that we would never eat Cinnabon cinnamon rolls together - which we've never done before! :dizzy:

Ugh. Don't judge my food choices, and I won't judge yours.

Yes, that is true. And I try to keep it in mind.

ANewCreation - I know this wasn't the point of your post (which was helpful, by the way) but the whole "You're being a good girl," compliment bugs the heck out of me! I hate the good/bad terms of eating, and it sounds condescending besides. :mad: You were much nicer than I would be - in my head, at least.

@peachykeen: I've been fortunate that hardly anyone comments about what I eat. There's only one person in one group of friends/acquaintances who comments in a way that makes me really uncomfortable...I hardly see her anymore, but, if it comes up again, I'm going to flat-out tell her that, while I think she means well, I'm not comfortable discussing food with her.

This person is not a saboteur--just kind of an annoying, awkward person. If I was dealing with many jealous or otherwise not-well-meaning people, I'd probably get a set of canned responses ready to use if the situation called for it. To a food pusher, I think I'd first reply "No, thanks". If the pusher persisted "Come on, just one" or something similar, I'd probably try "No, THANKS" with an edge. I don't think it's anyone's business why I do or don't eat something.

@JenMusic: canned responses might be a good solution to your awkward situations, as well. I've never been socially adept, and, over the last 10 or 15 years, I've worked hard to improve my social skills. (FWIW, I'm definitely not saying I've ever noticed anything amiss in your posts--just basing my comments on what you said.) I'm fortunate that I'm in a field where many of the people are socially awkward--I think I'm actually socially above average in my work group.

Anyway, depending on how well I know the person, I usually reply to comments about my weight with "Thanks for noticing" or "THANK you!", whatever fits better. On rare occasions, people will say something like "now, don't lose too much", to which I now say, "Well, I'm at goal now" (had been saying that I was nearly at goal).

I noticed some of us feel that a "looking great now" comment, suggests that we were looking not so good before. I never really thought that with compliments. Just because someone looks good now doesn't necessarily mean that looked aweful before. (Unless the compliment involves saying "...because you looked aweful before") LOL!!

Think about when someone gets a new hari style and they really look terrific. And you tell them they look super cute with their new hair. Does that mean everyday they ventured into daylight before their new do, their old hair style was murder on anyone's eyes that dared to glance in their direction? Probably not. It just means they look even better now. :) That's how I take weightloss compliments.

Yeah, genuine compliments I am fine with, but it's the ones that contain undertones of jealousy or when they are upset because they think by eating healthy, I am going to judge their food choices. I don't even notice what this one girl (really it's just one) eats, except for she always says sarcastically "I am so healthy" while eating a big plate of fried shrimp and then comments about how "healthy" I am. It's so awkward! It feels like they want me to eat unhealthily to justify their unhealthiness.

And don't get me started on the "it's just one time...you're turning anorexic" comments. I eat up to 1600 calories a day...not anorexic.

This may sound bad, but I'm glad I am not the only who has struggled with backhanded compliments.

Ok those anorexic comments drive me crazy!!:bomb: Of course, these are not honest compliments, but just rude comments. I have one particualr obese aunt that crosses the line into rude when ever anyone doesn't behave like a glutten in her presense. I mean everyone knows it. And heaven forbid I don't eat a cookie when there are cookies out, she just can't resist commenting. And the worst is, since I've tried to lose weight so many times (and at times I have) but I usually end up gaining it back, she takes the "well you've failed anyway" tone. :mad::mad: She's been put in her place many times, but nothing seems to stop her from making rude comments.

Can't seem to fix my post so it "quotes" the right way! ??

You need to put a / in front of the word "quote" in your second [quote] tab

Thank you Robsia!!!!!

The "anorexic" comments are THE WORST. Sorry darlings but being mindful of what I eat is hardly comparable to having an eating disorder.

I also really dislike when people who are thinner than I am tell me to stop losing weight. Might as well just say "I'm threatened by your weight loss and I want you to stay the fatter one."

Oh Krampus, that reminds me of back in highschool, the first time I started taking steps to be healthier. I started jogging everyday, and watching my portions and making healthier choices. Considering I came from a family that never moved off the couch and deep fryed everything then covered it in buttter, bacon, sour cream, lard...and never served a veggie that didnt come from a can....my few changes in diet and exercising AND being only 16 made the weight come off pretty easily. Well, my very good THINNER friend was convinced I was throwing everything up. I was so hurt only because she basically believed I couldnt be doing it the right way, the healthy way. She even told her mother I was bulemic, and I wasn't. I was always the "fat friend" through our early teen years, and I guess she couldnt handle not being the one to get all the attention.

Ugh, what is wrong with people? I'm sorry to hear that GlamourGirl. The stigma and weight of an eating disorder is hard to shake off and it's really cruel and unfair for people to just throw accusations like that at someone and then spread the lie to other concerned parties.

I got told I was being anorexic too. Hello, I'm still firmly on the obese side thank you. My caloric intake goal each day is 1650 because I would so much rather be tired than hungry. I could never be anorexic, I like food waaayy too much for that. I want to scream when people say that to me.

There is this one woman I know who keeps going on various fad diets, giving up, blaming her kids, her husband, and everything else. I have been doing the same thing the entire time, counting calories. She started trying to lose before I did, yet here I am, having success and there she sits probably a good 50-75 pounds higher. She is constantly trying to convince me to try whichever new plan she is on. Ya gotta love those people too!

I know exactly what you mean I get embarrassed when family comments about me losing weight. It is a very personal thing

GlamourGirl I was with you on the whole not taking the "you're looking so good" comments as meaning you looked not so great before - until this past weekend when I got one of those comments.

It came from a girl I barely talk to because she's made kind of an effot to just not talk to me unless she is EXTREMELY drunk. She wasn't drunk on Saturday, but took the time to come over and sit down next to me and put her hand on my knee (in case it wasn't awkward enough). This is the conversation that followed:

Girl: You're looking so good!
Me: Uh, thanks.
Girl: Like, seriously, SO good.
Me: Hah, thank you.
Girl: Are you happy?
Me: Uhm..yeah, I guess?

And at that point I kind of just excused myself to go and get another drink. She made me feel really weird. I think the hand on the knee kind of took it to the next level. I felt like she was asking me if I was dying or something, like..the tone of her voice was very strange.
I guess it was a compliment but I'm not entirely sure if it might have been backhanded...

My best friend/roommate has started doing that thing where she announces my weight loss to other people...along the lines of "Doesn't Teresa look great? She's doing really well with her diet?" Then the person she's talking to is, of course, obliged to give some awkward compliment. She's only done it a couple times now, but if it happens again, I'm going to have to just knuckle-up and tell her to cut it out. If I never bring up my weight loss or the fact that I've been eating healthier, why in the world would you think I want you to???

This. Thank you for this.

Luckily all the people I currently have in my life are totally supportive. The only thing that gets awkward is that every time I eat at the MIL's house everyone makes a big deal about what I drink! And not in a bad way, it just seems they forget that I just want water and offer me all sorts of other things while saying, "Can you drink this? Well what about this one? Oh wait, we've got this in the back of the fridge, would you like it instead?" I don't drink sugary drinks anymore and can't have aspartame, yet this somehow confuses them, lol.

Not that I've never had the issue of people making a big deal about whatever my current choices were at the time. I've had all sorts of people pick apart my food choices in the past, healthy or not. The most amusing time was when I'd made myself some kind of sandwich on whole wheat for my lunch at work, and a co-worker freaked out on me for eating something so unhealthy and full of carbs . . . as she was scarfing down a BK Whopper! Some people. :lol:

Serenity, same here! I also do not drink sugary drinks and cannot have aspartame. I drink...water. People run through everything: tea, coffee, every variety of pop, flavored water, lemonade, beer! LOL! "Just water" isn't often well received.

LOL! I will order iced tea in a restaurant and am happy with just lemon, and I'll brew some fresh at home as well. The only tea they have at my MIL's is already bottled and either loaded with sugar or aspartame . . . bleh! :dizzy: I also will go to McDonald's drive thru specifically for iced tea when I'm thirsty and on the go, and will get angry when I explicitly state that I want unsweet tea and they still give me sweet tea out of habit (many managers have told me that typically far less than 10% of their tea sales are unsweet so the employees are quick to assume people simply want the sweet tea).

I'm not sure why some people seem to have such a problem with plain old water. That was all we were allowed to have with our meals growing up, as soda or kool-aid or whatever was a rare, special treat. I also get really annoyed when I ask for water at a place and they won't give me tap, but instead want to overcharge me for bottled water (which is why I got in the habit of ordering the tea, it's cheaper for its size).

I think I am pretty thick-skinned regarding comments about my food choices. Being a recovering vegetarian I am used to tons of people commenting on what I eat. I am more annoyed when people ask 15 times whether I "can" eat this or that meat now. I could before I just chose not to. And yes, I "can" eat any meat now!! And yes, I will.
No fish though. Yikes. ;-)

YES! Sirenity, I do this too at McDonalds. Same with iced coffee. I ALWAYS taste test before I drive away because I would say about 50% of the time they mess it up!!