What made you connect her actions with your weight loss? That seems like a leap unless there were other things leading up to it.

If a "friend" of mine did this to me repeatedly I would just figure I had just found an easy way to lose a couple hundred pounds of dead weight. If it were a single or a couple times I'd ask WTF and give them another chance (assuming that the conversation where I asked what was up didn't go REALLY poorly). It sounds like you need some new buds. I'm sorry that you've gone through this.

If it is a friend then I agree that she deserves a 'wtf?! that is not cool, friend' moment. It not - then no reason to whine about it, like above poster said - if you outgrow a shoe you throw it away.

I wonder though, like seagirl, why do you automatically think its a weight thing? I doubt that I have only had amazing luck and that I am THAT good at weeding out bad eggs, but in all of my weight ups and downs I have never experienced the negativity, 'sabotage' or betrayal that I read a lot of the posters here have. Some examples make me think that its all a matter of perception, and I believe that sometimes the only answer can be found when you take a step back and let yourself have a moment of genuine self awarenes.

PS - not at all implying that you were whining, just a phrase.

<sigh> . . . My take is that this is a real consequence of losing weight. It's mentioned a lot on various threads on 3FC. I've seen it happen in RL when someone quits smoking, quits drinking, quits gambling, or quits chasing skirts. You read that divorces frequently happen to folks after they join a 12 Step Program, just when you'd think that the wronged spouse would be celebrating.

Once had a marriage counselor warn us that divorces are fairly common after a successful major renovation of a house - go figure.

Change tweaks the pecking order and one can find themselves shut out of a deep and loving friendship just because the other party isn't willing or able to deal with the change.

With sadness, this seems like a reality you just gotta accept; there may be more. One of the hard things in life for me to learn has been that friendships aren't forever - whatever the reason. It's one of life's challenges to keep making new ones.

Sending supportive thoughts for your handling of this; accepting reality is a key first step, but it doesn't make it easy.

In one word: Jealousy. Yep, the old green eyed monster. It took me a long time to figure out what was going on with a few of my "fat friends" (and one thin one). They got more distant, more defensive. At first I started doing everything in my power to make them like me again. I'd buy them little gifts, send them cards, etc. But nothing I did helped. I was so depressed over it. Finally, another friend had to spell it out to me, that these girls were insanely jealous of my weigh loss accomplishments and could not stand to look at me. Sadly all 3 of (the overweight friends) have probably gained 30-80 pounds each since I began my lifestyle change. :(

Then I thought that maybe I was going overboard on the "diet" talk around them, so I joined 3FC to give me a voice about weight issues with like minded people. I tried to never mention weight loss around these particular friends unless I reached a major milestone...(like when I hit the 100 pound lost mark). Sadly, they have "left me". I am no longer one of them, and they don't want me in their chub club. But, I always think about what a friend who is in AA once told me. She said, once you make a major life change, sometimes you have to change your playgrounds and your playmates if you want to continue on the path of health. So yea...I just had to make new friends. It's hard to lose a friend of 20-30 years but life goes on.

Hang in there. You'll find new friends.

It's really sad to hear all this, i'd never dump a friend because they are suddenly thinner than me. I guess it really shows you who your real friends are. I had similar thing when i went teetotal. People i thought were my friends either wouldn't bother to invite me out or would try and persuade me to drink, where as the real friends would still invite me out and if i said i didn't want to drink they were really supportive.

JMO but I know someone who lost a lot of weight and suddenly her attitude changed like she was the bomb, she knew everything about diet & exercise, every person who was in her position before now suddenly doesn't have the willpower to 'get the obvious'.

Sometimes when people drastically change their lives (ie religion, ethics, lifestyle) then they can become overzealous about it.

Now,I don't know you and have no clue if this applies - but when people turn away from me, I look in the mirror first.

Its really hard to say, I mean what makes you think weight is why shes suddenly bailing? Also, I have noticed in the past that jealousy is a tough thing to handle. People do not want to admit that they are jealous, but we all have felt it about something at sometime. Or maybe they are oblivious about it. I have learned to keep my weight loss journey talk to a minimum, i'll be open if they ask first. Maybe extend her a little grace, she may not be sure who you are anymore, because this does change us, better or worse. If it continues, maybe then consider slowly ending it. You both gave each other what you needed for a season.

Dancing I never talk about weight loss to friends. Mainly because I feel like I'm always on the edge of gaining it back and don't want to look like a fool if it happens. Actually talking about weight loss to friends is something I hate because I am really ashamed of getting so out of control in the first place when most people can maintain a healthy weight on their own. I guess I feel like meeting new people without them knowing my past is something I need to explore. Without me saying a word it's obvious people act differently and sometimes wonder why I'm always the one to make them feel comfortable with the change.

Well I once cut a friend out of my life after she lost weight. It wasn't that I was jealous, it was just that the more weight she lost, the meaner she became and I was at a very bad time in my life and I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I was very over weight, had just finished uni and was out of a job. We would go out and when we passed a person who was fat she'd say things like "god look at her! So disgusting!! I am glad I am not like that anymore" or "no wonder she is fat, look at what she is eating!!" and I would take it personally, as I was meant to, because I was fat and eating unhealthy stuff. Also all she talked about was what food she could eat, what she couldnt and how much weight she was losing and how much she was exercising. It came to a point that being with her made me feel bad about my inaction and lifestyle and also about myself but I wasnt at the point where I was ready to change it. Or we'd go out shopping and she'd look at sexy outfits while all I could buy was fat people clothes and i hated it!

Looking back now, I think maybe I was over sensitive most of the time but it was just hard being with her and I stopped. Now that I am losing weight, I sometimes catch myself at dinner with friends going "wow that has so much carbs" and I stop myself and just ask them how they are going etc. Losing weight is something I am obsessed with but I try not to talk about it when I am out with friends and its hard sometimes because that's one of the things I think about the most.

Do you still have things in common? Because a lot of times, if the friends are our fat time friends and we used to hang out and eat junk food and watch tv, then it could be that you dont have much in common with them anymore and being with you makes them feel guilty about what they eat and how they live their lives and its easier to avoid you than face the reality.

Do you still show interest in their lives and tell them things about yourself thats not only related to diet and exercise and do you make jokes and laugh or do you mentally calculate the amount of calories you are eating and they are eating and in your head judging them for it. Because as the person on the other side, it shows on your face. I remember once eating a slice of princess cake and i looked up and caught a look of disgust on my friend's face and it was horrible.

Tryhard, I didn't mean for that one statement to be the whole meaning of my post. Like I said maybe she was just there for a season? It happens, I have had to learn that hard lesson that people will sometimes move on, whether we did something or not (with many a hurt feeling involved don't get me wrong, been there done that). If you can think about yourself and know that you didn't do anything wrong don't waste time on it.

Mascara Blue-
I have often wondered if people who say stuff like that are just that unaware of who they are with and of how insensitive it is.

Yes. I am kinda curious to see who will REALLY stick by my side after I reach goal other than my family and immediate family and all that. Sorry to hear that but they were obviously not your true friends.

maybe for some of us it is easier to think, "make new friends" when people diss us. But for someone who has had lifelong insecurity and difficulty making friends, that can sound pretty lonely. Some of my best friends have moved away, they are still good friends, but we can't get together often. Other than my husband, I have no one to hang out with on a regular basis, someone to go out after work for a drink with etc. I hang with coworkers I like, but we talk shop too much. I am engaging in new activities and interests too, but feel rather lonely. So dumping people might seem difficult to people in similar straits.

I think that is such a good suggestion... Keep the positive influences in you life!

As we get older is is harder to make friends. I actually moved about 2 years ago and tried so hard to make new friends and none of the ladies out here seemed interested. Then I started looking around and they were all so pretty and fit... I thought they didn't want to be my friend b/c I didn't look like them... that is part of why I started wanting to lose weight... now that I am losing weight I feel so much better about myself... but those ladies still don't want to be my friend~! Oh well... sometimes life is lonely.