Co-worker Woes!
 

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So here is my backstory and inspiration for this thread:

I have worked with the same man for 3 months now. We pull the nightshift together so we only have each other to talk to. Up until now I regarded him as a sort of an accidental friend since we are complete opposites and would probably never get along outside of a work environment. He is socially awkward and keeps to himself. I am outspoken and love talking to people. Anyways we chat about non-work things sometimes and I off-handedly commented last night that I had joined a weight loss support group and had already lost 10 pounds. It wasnt a big revelation for me. I've told many people. I'm really proud, you know? I feel like my life just started over. Anyways.

I also commented about how I was so excited to get rid of my 'baby weight' (LOL, jokingly of course 100 pounds is a little more than baby weight). His comment? "My sister in law had 3 children and did not gain any excess weight. She is as thin as a twig." I shrug the comment off and babble about terrible Irish genetics for a moment just to end the conversation as it definately seemed to be going downhill. I turned around and resumed working on my Excel document and after a few moments the A-hole blurted out with "No it is most likely lazyness and inactivity."

Now, my rational mind was telling me, cool it Noel...this guy has known you for 3 months and he lives with his mother and he is afraid of women and and as a mother that is why you are trying to talk to him in the first place right? Out of pity? I was not listening to my rational mind. :( I'm afraid my Irish genetics really did have a part in my behavior last night because I said some snipy comment about him having one girlfriend in his whole life and that I had seen the 40 year old virgin and it seemed like a likely scenario. Now I feel really bad NOT ONLY because i acted like a child but because I let his words actually hurt me. And I am still thinking about them, obviously. So maybe he was partly right? But he did not know if he was right. He didnt know me until 3 months ago. I gained most of this weight while I was pregnant and bed-ridden. And for the record I tried to get back to running a year and a half ago and fractured my feet. ARGH.

Just take my advice and do not try to talk to the socially awkward man-children you work with about your weight loss. I'm such an idiot.

My co-worker has had weight loss surgery...she weights over 300lbs...and stated that she enjoys being over weight. Thursday she brings in a cheese danish along with chips and 3 dips for 5 of us to enjoy. She knows that two of us are trying to change our ways...her comment..."I want you to be fat with me"...what on EARTH! She has a snack pile under her bed at home and enjoys eating midnight snacks...I'm not trying to change her but at least respect ME and my space!!!

chatterbox - that sounds more like jealousy than anything else. She is afraid of you having success when she did not. Obviously she does not actually want to be fat or she would not have tried WLS. If she sees you succeed then she'll have to admit that it is possible, so she's trying to sabotage you.

The Last Noel, I used to be an EMT years ago, and on overnights found myself paired up with some unusual men, as you described. So I pictured this whole thing talking place in a rig, while you were posted! LOL, and I know you mentioned an Excel doc, but I just pictured a laptop!

Ok having said that, I too, gained a lot of weight while pregnant. And I'm Irish too. Personally, I gain because I ate too much and moved too little. But I don't need anyone to point that out. You know, it shouldnt matter to this co worker why you gained the weight, it wasnt his place to judge or comment. It just shows what you already know, that he lacks social skills, since he didnt know not to make that comment.

I think I'm supposed to tell you something about the moral high road, but I've taken the high road, and sometimes I'd rather just put someone in their place. It depends on the person and what they said. If I were in your shoes, I'd have said the same thing. But then again, I'm Irish, so.... ;)

Don't talk about your weight loss at work at all! Especially not with men. Maybe not even with women!

Men converse by exchanging facts. Watching out for someone's tender feelings aren't part of exchanging facts. You mentioned your baby weight--he told you about his sister. Exchange of facts. You suggested Irish genetics as a cause, he replied that it probably wasn't that, but inactivity and laziness. More exchange of facts. Now you're all bent out of shape because of the "mean thing he said," and he probably has no idea that his facts were seen as insulting.

And then you lashed out. So, what do you think he's thinking now?

All I can say is, conversation with ANYONE about weight is a minefield, and it's best just not to go there.

Sorry about that!
Jay

Glamour Girl, I'm a defense contractor so you are not far off. We have pretty similar shifts to EMT actually. Also can you please point me the way to the high road? I seem to have gotten lost on my way there. LOL.

Chatterbox wow what a terrible situation. You must be torn between hating her guts and feeling really really sad for her. I also agree with FitGirly.

I would just be friendly next time you see him and pretend nothing happened. That's what a guy would do.

Hmm. That sounds like a broad sweeping generalization and I'm not sure it applies here. I think you had to be there and/or know the person. ;)

This guy is definately not a facts type of guy. He is over emotional and easily offended. I am used to walking on eggshells around him to keep the peace. It is more likely that he was being spiteful and lashing out himself as I had recently had a talk with him on his work performance (I am the site supervisor). As I said before I should have taken the high road. I think my greatest fault here was my attempt to be rosy glasses maternal when I should have instead corrected his behavior the first time they were brought to my attention by civilian employees.

I agree with this completely unless is it with a professional like counsler or a weight loss center!! There are sooooooo many posts on this site that start by making a weight related comment and getting a response that isn't good or what the person is wanting, resulting in that person being offended or hurt.

I agree about not sharing...I tried not to share that I was even trying to change but everyone eats lunch in my office so I had asked not to have unhealthy foods such as CAKE...because I think I love cake more than my husband at times...in the office and WOW the response from the one lady was crazy. Now she is He$$ Bent on bringing anything and everything fatting into my office just to tempt me. I'm def learning WILL POWER!

Weighloss, the journey, the process, the means - all of it, becomes our focus. Really, though, thats our thing. Not many other people want to hear about it/listen to it. Some people are just blunt enough, social awkward enough or genuinely just put their foot in their mouth - to show us what internally I think even the really nice people are thinking.

I try so hard not to be the fat person who is always talking about calories/diet/loss/gain/goal. I know have been that person, and observing a few others do it too gave me the self awareness to see that unless someone is:
1. weighloss buddy
2. super supportive personal friend/family member
3. going through the exact same struggle -

Then they don't care and probably don't want to hear it :^:

poop on them. :)

<3 I have learned my lesson!

lol your co-worker sounds delightful! While it isn;t great that you snapped back really idk who wouldn't have lol. I really can't believe he would be so rude to you like that, he is most definitely socially awkward!

I remember once at my old job one one of the women started a rumor that my husband beat me. I still don't know why. i was always super nice to everyone and i mostly kept to myself. But I found out from my boss that everyone had been gossiping about me and repeating it. They didn't have the guts to even say it to my face. It totally left me shocked and so upset. Even more so if you really think someone is being abused you should try to help them not gossip behind their backs.

I ended up not saying anything but hating everyone and myself alittle bit everyday at work :(

You're right, I wasn't there and didn't know him. So I could only respond to your version of events.

You're the site supervisor?? Even more reason not to get too personal...

I hope things turn out OK.

Jay

i mostly only share with good friends. now i'm a little more open because losing weight is the popular thing to do. but i didnt tell people who saw me every week that i was trying to lose. various things happen when you tell that. some people just ignore it and assume you won't ever do it. others will laugh if you don't make progress and quit. i also inadvertently discovered that you can tell people that you are eating more healthy, know as much or more than they do in discussions about natural foods, etc. and they can see you doing it regularly, then when they see you have lost weight they look so shocked???? they had nooooo idea that seeing me avoid the junk food and choose apples and almonds had any connection with my conversations on natural food and its benefits??? so, it often does no good to tell people you are trying to lose weight anyway.