I think a lot of overweight people are complacent about their weight, but I blame the media for making people think it's OKAY to weigh 300 pounds. Love the skin you're in, and all that crap. Overweight is never healthy and the raft of shows that are focused on making fat (yes, FAT) women feel good by giving them makeovers is not helping.

As for me, I was always aware I was overweight but I never thought I should lose weight because I'd always been 'the fat girl' and had been made to believe that I'd never be thin. So I was just chronically depressed, even though I knew I was unhealthy. What spurred me on was a terrible photo taken of me on holiday - it was then I realised what a whale I was and did something about it.

I can remember a time about 10 years ago that I was filling out a survey and the question was:

"If you could eat anything you want what would it be"

I can remember laughing because I ALWAYS did eat anything I wanted.

I don't think anyone can get to 310 pounds like I did without an unhealthy dose of complacency and denial. And just downright feeling powerless in the face of seemingly overwhelming fat. (that's why my "goal" on my ticker is so high... I'm only focused on 30 pound increments... the whole thing is too overwhelming for me)

That being said, I do think that as complacent as I pretended to be, there was always that part of me that KNEW deep down that I needed to lose weight, wanted to be healthy, etc. I needed to reach a "pain point" where I could seriously consider that the pain of losing weight and keeping it off (and it is HARD to lose weight!) was less than the pain of staying morbidly obese.

I keep a journal (not so much these past months but definitely in the beginning) where I discuss those pain points. Whenever I am wavering, I go back and re-read my anguish. It helps remind me. I need that.

Good to know I'm not the only one with this issue! I've been trying to become more aware of when my problems began, what triggered them, etc.

It seems that most people with a weight problem can pinpoint when or why it started. The hardest part is trying to work all of this mess out in my head to make it where it's not going to continue. I know my mom hid sugary and bad snacks for us as kids because my dad didn't allow it. I know when I moved out on my own that the sudden burst of power as an adult sent me on fast food runs at midnight simply because I didn't have to tell anyone where I was going! I know that continued to become a habit and I was then known to eat 3 or 4 brownies at 2am washed down with coke, again, because I purchased them and there was no one there to tell me I can't or shouldn't do it. That power has followed me in areas that are even different than just food. I've done it with my relationship with my husband, friends, child, with money...I've taken on this "right" as an adult to do what I do or do not want to do and it's literally killing me in so many ways. I've just grown used to the pain and suffering over the years to where it's just what I know and what I handle everyday. I don't remember feeling great, different, free, healthy, so I don't have a certain feeling that I miss or even look forward to. Which sucks. Plain and simple.

I know if I don't change my mindset about this that it's a fruitless effort to lose anything as I'll just eventually go back to these same behavoirs and become complacent again.

Since really focusing on this in 2008, I've been almost obsessed with it, which is also unhealthy. The obsession feeds the complacency in a lot of ways. My natural tendency is to push any anxious obsessive thoughts WAY down where they can just hang out unnoticed. Every once in awhile they surface, I would hit the gym or do my one week of eating right and get comfortable again. It's also an issue that the size I am now is still the lowest size I've been since I started in '08. Being this size means that even though the scale has changed, for the most part, I still fit in the same things (just don't look good in them!) and since getting from a 24 to an 18 was a big accomplishment, I feel like for the last year or two, I've rode that accomplishment till I can't anymore and need to see new, lower sizes now. I need to have my AHA, I feel DIFFERENT, BETTER, GREAT moment so I know what it feels like to TRULY change my life! I need to stop "controlling" what I do in a negative way by giving into every want I have and start to recognize my needs instead.

Wow. I just had a moment!

I think it's a negative thing to say that fat people must be complacent. That simply isn't true. A lot of morbidly obese individuals fight those pounds tooth and nail and simply lack something, usually education. That's true for me. I tried and tried and tried and tried and it just didn't work until I educated myself beyond what I thought I needed to know.

I TRIED to become complacent, actually, most notably just before this final attempt. It wasn't working, so I decided I needed to try fat acceptance on for size. It didn't work. Fat acceptance for me became death acceptance and that was a scary road. I remember it well. I went from accepting Lane Bryant as my only shopping venue to accepting death a desirable and wished-for event.

There seemed nothing in my life I could just avoid. I was the big thing no one could avoid, or at least that's how I viewed myself. I felt like an obstacle, not a person, and I was always in someone's way.

Fat didn't work well for me and I was fat for a good 10 years.

Eliana, thank you for sharing that. The more I read about everyones different thoughts or experiences with this struggle, the more I learn about it. I've been reading a lot about what you mentioned, about how you lacked education. I do too! I didn't even think of it that way. I still don't know how to do it right. If I did-I guess I wouldn't be here right now.

It seems like the two most common feelings we're all having are either complacancy and/or depression or just hopeless. I don't think overweight people have to be complacent, I just experienced over my own life and with having been overweight for the majority of the years I remember, that I did get to a place of just "eh, I am who I am" ya know? In thinking of what you mention about education, truly, that is most likely the biggest root of it. I was educated to eat on the sly. When dad wasn't looking. That treats were good, but you had to enjoy them as much as you could while they were there because who knows when more will come in or when you'll have time to indulge when dad isn't looking. There was never a healthy approach to food on either side. It was either militant or way too lax. The yin and yang unfortunately resulted in a very unhealthy view of food and how to eat like a normal person.

It's really helpful to read everyone's thoughts and stories. This is really the first time I've said, written or expressed any of that.

It's really hard to say "I'm uneducated!" I have the hardest time with that! In fact I typed and deleted the statement several times and had the urge to clarify exactly what I mean. Still do! :rofl: And I'm going to! I consider myself a well educated person. Certainly I knew a lot about losing weight. I knew many diets. I learned a lot from South Beach diet and still use many of its principles. What I didn't have a full grasp of was exactly what a portion was and what it meant. That a portion of chicken is half a chicken breast blew my mind! That a bowl of ice cream was not the claimed 200 calories but only 1/2 cup is was equally mind boggling. I had to learn about water weight and how it affects the scale. I had to learn that weight blips both up and down are normal and that it's OK to weigh every single day if that's what works. I had to learn that patience is every bit as important as what I put in my mouth. Oh, there's so much I didn't know I didn't know! Things they don't talk about in books! You don't read so much about calories even. Everyone wants to sell you on their miracle diet, never mind the fact that all those miracle diets are based on calories in one form or another.

Those people who want to lose weight but "can't"...I'm convinced they are not properly educated, scholars though they may be.

And yes, complacency fits in there too. That and self-acceptance, which is not a bad thing!! I wish I'd had a higher dose of that at my high weight, but it was not to be. I could not accept the fat me because it didn't match the me I felt like inside. It's so hard to explain that to someone who has never been there. But those who have been there...they know.

Ha! I know what you mean. I teach for a living, so I usually feel like I have a pretty good education and am a quick learner! For me, I reckon I just learned to do it the wrong way. lol

I've definitely been complacent. I accepted who I was and tried to live how I wanted to. I tried not to let it stop me from doing things I wanted to do, like swimming, or going on roller coasters (when I could wedge in the seat) and going on vacation, or getting married, or having children (although my weight did give me a run for my money on this one, in terms of my fertility). I was also in denial - I would also do the "oh that was a bad angle" thing with pictures, and think I'm not really that fat. Oh, but I was. I look back on pictures where I had to be close to 300 pounds - I really was in complete and utter denial. I tried to lose weight a few times, but never really bothered too much with it. I didn't have any health problems...in fact one time my doctor said "you're very healthy" and that was a moment that stuck with me, like, if a doctor says I am "healthy" when I am this fat, maybe I am OK! :dizzy:

I don't know why this time has worked so well. I'm so afraid of becoming complacent again...this journey has been very smooth for me, the weight coming off quickly, not feeling hungry very often, just feeling really good. I am terrified things may change some day, and I could go back to thinking being morbidly obese is "ok".

Liz, you've come a long way and look great! Good luck on maintaining!

Liz, I agree completely. Your post really resonates with me.

Oh yes, I definitely know what you're talking about. I've been overweight pretty much my entire life- we're talking since the time I was about 5. By the time I hit high school, I had just accepted the fact that I was doomed to be fat my entire life. I would wish and dream that I was skinny, but it was nothing but a far off impossibility to me. When I got to college I had clearly broken 200 lbs, but I just refused to weigh myself because I knew it would depress me. I HATED going to the doctor because I knew they would weigh me there. I was absolutely in denial. I don't think I would have ever been shaken out of complacency if a shift in lifestyle didn't accidentally cause me to drop almost two pant sizes before I even realized what was happening. That's when I realized that this formerly unattainable goal was happening to me without causing me major discomfort at all. I was thrilled with the prospect of taking control and losing even more weight. If I lost that much by accident, imagine what I could do if I tried! Since then, I've never looked back, and I know that my goal weight is not some outrageous dream that will never happen. It's happening, and it's happening soon.