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Old 12-28-2010, 07:56 AM   #1  
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Default The importance of people that share your lifestyle~ long

I wanted to share an amazing experience with everyone.
As someone who has basically always been either very overwieght (as a kid) "heavy" as a teen, or fighting to stay a healthy weight and not gain it back (various times inbetween being overweight, at times when I started eating better and exercising), Its always been a battle to live healthy and stay living healthy

I never really thought about the fact that the people in my life were not healthy. Not my parents, family, friends, or even my husband. Whenever I tried to eat healthier, or exercise regularly or just get into healthier activites, I was always going against the grain of my life.

Does this sound familar to anyone??

I was aware of it, but not until the past months did I really see what a difference it makes to have people in your life that value healthy eating and exercise and make it their regular way of living.

A relative of my husbands, that lives many states away, that I'd only met twice in 10 years, and my husband had only seen those same 2 times came to stay with us. He's in the army and very health conscience.

What a change in my life style by just living with someone who lived like that. Firstly, he eats healthy. Makes healthy choices, cooks healthy, and if he eats a treat, doesn't just eat til his hearts content. He also says no to his food impulses. Like we stopped at a breakfast place and he said he wanted a donut, but he doesn't need it today. That simple. He said that junk food, while tasty, simply cant be eaten frequently.

And of course he exersices regularly. And its not even that, he's into active activities. One thing he does is rock climb. I was so thrilled because I've always wanted to rock climb. At one time in my life when I was getting into shape, I thoght about it, but no one in my life was ever interested. All my current friends, and sadly my husband, are over weight or obese, they dont workout or really do anything active. Its like pulling teeth to get my husband to play a Wii game with me that involves moving.

While my husband's relative was here, I told him that first I used to be in much better shape before I had kids, which I was for a few years, but it was always hard to maintain that kind of life style for me. Also I told him I want to get back into shape because I really enjoy things like tennis that I cant play when I'm out of shape. Also I really do want to go rock climbing. And I would need to be in very very good shape for that. Also I used to run before I had kids and I miss it.

It was just so easy to live healthy without any thought when he was here. When I cooked a healthy dinner he didnt complain like my husband does, he ate it! If I cook veggies, my husband picks them out, while this guy makes a point to eat veggies with his meals!!

Everything was just so smooth. Easy.

Unfortunately he's gone, and I'm back to the daily battle with those around me about eating healthy and having a more active lifestyle. (Meaning there's no one in my life that wants to do active things together. So I do it all solo, which gets boring after a while)


This really was an eye opener to how important it is to have people in your life the live the way you want to live.
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Old 12-28-2010, 08:18 AM   #2  
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Yes, having people who share your same interest/goals around you make it easier, BUT, inevitably, WE are responsible for what goes in our mouth and how much we show appreciation for OUR bodies by taking care of it.

I say this because we cannot always CONTROL the action of others. This journey (to me, at least) is about learning control over myself, what I eat, what I drink, when and if I exercise, etc. and learning a healthy balance of both, moderation...if you will. It's my journey to END the ALL or NOTHING attitude and realize that if I fall, it's ok cuz this journey isn't about falling...we all fall...we are imperfect, of course we do...but it's about GETTING BACK UP!

I have many people around me that are of great encouragement in other areas of my life other than physical health, however those same people ARE NOT encouraging me to workout or eat healthy!

I say all this with absolute LOVE, it all begins and ends with self. If we win/fail, we have no one to blame but ourselves....CONTROL...that's the name of this game...yes

Last edited by joyfulloser; 12-28-2010 at 08:20 AM.
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Old 12-28-2010, 08:20 AM   #3  
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Could you send that guy over for a few weeks?

My husband is basically supportive, as long as my weight loss, etc., doesn't interfere with what he wants.

He's been a good sport about the food and actually eats his veggies better than he used to.

But, I don't exercise in front of him, because he makes fun of me. And he thinks happy hour has no calories. If I don't want to have a drink, he thinks I'm rejecting being with him. He complains on Tuesday nights about my getting home later because of WW meetings.

I understand your dilemma totally.
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Old 12-28-2010, 08:31 AM   #4  
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts and observations. I guess I'm lucky in a way being a single mom...I get to choose what we all eat and pave the way for my kids to be those healthy people in the future.
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Old 12-28-2010, 09:38 AM   #5  
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It is an eye-opener, isn't it?

I've had an experience analogous to yours in different social situations, when I'm invited to dinner at someone's house, and they're health-conscious. Or when I'm invited to be a house guest for a long weekend. Or even when planning to meet a friend for lunch, or going out to lunch with work colleagues. One of my first thoughts is whether I'll be with a like-minded soul. That translates into someone who's educated about health and food choices. Which, in practical terms, means my more educated and often more affluent friends & family, or, if not so well-off, then someone who's had a bad health scare & has changed their ways.

As I discovered this past summer, the other issue is alcohol. How much does the friend or relative drink? That cuts across any class lines & lifestyle choices. If they drink a lot, it's often harder to negotiate through a social situation with them.
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Old 12-28-2010, 09:54 AM   #6  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gottadoit2010 View Post
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and observations. I guess I'm lucky in a way being a single mom...I get to choose what we all eat and pave the way for my kids to be those healthy people in the future.
It's funny most people lament being a single mom- I just love your attitude

I agree the people around you can help or hinder your weight loss.

I had similar issues with my husband but over time he's come to see his poor food choices have led to poor health and so on. Over the past year he's changed quite a bit. This week he actually didn't buy soda for work- I seriously almost fell over from shock lol. Don't get me wrong- he slips up now and then (asked to eat pizza TWICE in one week) but I know he's trying too.

I know for me- I sat my husband down one day- told him he was the love of my life and that I couldn't sit around and watch him throw his health away and that I want him to be around as long as possible. I begged him to start eating healthier and it's been a slow process but overall he eats more veggies and fruits and less junk. The other day he was actually CRAVING veggies- I was like I TOLD YOU! Haha your pallette is changing! We also exercise together more, etc (of course now we haven't exercised during the holidays but January we plan to get back on it!)

Oh and I do things like grind veggies in with meat so my husband can't pick stuff out anymore I make meatloaf and add at least 1 cup (more like 2) of ground zuccini and it just looks like herbs and spices and he LOVES it. Last time I made it with half ground beef and ground turkey he didn't even notice lol.

It's really hard but I think if your spouse loves you enough they'll at least be supportive, not suggest eating out all the time, and at least TRY to eat what you make without complaints. My husband still takes his sandwiches to work and it's totally fine with me because 1- he keeps all the fixings at work and 2- I don't have to be tempted by it
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Old 12-28-2010, 12:13 PM   #7  
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My former husband did not want to eat healthy. But I just continued to cook meals the way I wanted them...healthy and balanced.
I was the one doing the shopping and cooking.
When he saw all the veggies, salads, and broiled meats, he wanted me to cook his favorite fried foods every day, no fruit, veggies or dairy. And no veggies but corn.

I told him I was not running a greasy spoon restaurant. I was cooking healthy balanced meals for myself for years and would not lower the quality of my meals to the detriment of my own health to suit anyone.
If he wanted to eat unhealthy meals he would have to pay the cook at the restaurant to make his meals. Or make his own meals.
Otherwise he was welcome to share the healthy food I was cooking at home.

So he went out to eat a few times, discovered it was too expensive, and began eating at home. But just the meat and potatoes and bread...and a LOT of coffee and soda. No veggies, fruit, juice or dairy products.

His eating habits were awful, but he was thin. He had skin problems and no libido... probably due to his very limited diet.

I divorced him and my next husband was a real gourmet cook. Better cook than I was. And he was healthy.

A friend of mine married a guy who wanted pasta 3 times a day. She tried to change his diet also. But he refused...Another one. He had to cook his own pasta. She would not. He wasn't into veggies, dairy products, and fruit either.
He had his gallbladder removed, then died of diabetes before he turned 45. Some guys never learn.
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Old 12-28-2010, 01:51 PM   #8  
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Goodness Jolina- that's ridiculous that he let his health get that bad till it killed him cuz he wouldn't eat some freaking vegetables.

Last edited by beerab; 12-28-2010 at 01:51 PM.
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Old 12-28-2010, 05:44 PM   #9  
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I agree with the whole concept!!!!

One of the things that helped me in this journey is that I started paying attention to what my friends were eating. They were a lot healthier than I was. I have a boyfriend who eats a ton and eats a lot of crappy food but he's also a tad overweight.

I realized that there is work that's required to be thin and I started paying more attention to my friends. I have learned a lot from their eating habits and I'm even joining them in their hobbies (cycling) so I can develop my own healthy lifestyle.
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Old 12-28-2010, 06:28 PM   #10  
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Truly, my hubby having a high cholesterol problem for the first time in his life has seriously helped with my journey. I know everyone says that you control what goes in your mouth, etc., but this has been easier as a "lifestyle choice" and changing the way the family eats.

He is gearing up to get another blood test after losing 20lbs and changing his diet. I hope his cholesterol is normal. We'll see.
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Old 12-28-2010, 07:06 PM   #11  
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It's great to have others around you who share your way of life. I'm so glad that my husband and I both decided to get healthier together. I can't slack on exercise because he'll ask me, "Want to go for a walk?" and I realize that yeah, I actually DO want to go for a walk with him. It keeps us both more motivated than either of us would be alone.

Ultimately, though, we are traveling parallel paths, but not leaning on one another for support. I think it's important to realize that your weight loss is yours; it's great that my hubby and I go for walks together, but that doesn't mean I get to slack off from my walking if he happens to. He isn't my "food cop" and I am not his.

I also think it's important to steer clear of judging others' habits too harshly. Sure, I'm glad that my husband eats more vegetables than he used to, but it's not like I'd yell "serves ya right!" if he had developed a serious illness while eating a junk-filled diet. Diabetes, heart disease, and cancer happen to people who eat all their veggies, too. I'm glad he always wears his seat belt, too, but seat belts don't magically make accidents not happen any more than certain diets magically prevent serious illness.

Just had to throw that out there because my mom died at an early age of heart disease and I have had an astonishing number of people who'd never met her ask me how much she weighed--they assume that because I'm fat, she must have been as well and what they're really wanting to know is if she "deserved" it. (She actually weighed 119 pounds and had never been obese a day in her life.)

Anyway, that's tangential to the original thread, so to get back to it--yep, it is awesome to walk that path to health in tandem with someone. It's one of the reasons I like being here on this forum so much.
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Old 12-28-2010, 07:18 PM   #12  
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I can relate. I loved having my inlaws over for the Holidays because they're both health-conscious. My husband is not. It's not unusual for him to wake up in the morning, rush out the door, grab a fast food breakfast on his way to work, drink diet pop and eat candy at work, eat takeout for lunch, come home, drink a few beers, eat dinner (which, if I make it is as healthy as I can make it, if he makes it, it's generally VERY rich, in cream sauces and lots of grease) and then a couple of hours after dinner, he'll eat AGAIN. Usually, his after dinner meal is delivery or frozen pizza. He's obese. He's in trouble with his job because of his weight, he has high blood pressure and cholesterol, and he's only 29.

I used to blame him a LOT for my own struggles with weight. Whine about how he was bringing the bad food into the house and I couldn't say no... The problem is that I COULD say no, I just didn't want to. I have the mentality of a spoiled child when it comes to food. I want it, so I get it regardless of the consequences. Since I've accepted that and actively tried to change it, what he eats and does has little if any impact on me. If he orders pizza, I don't eat any. If he's going to make something "bad" for dinner if he cooks, I fix myself something separate. If he chooses not to eat what I cook, well, that's his choice. I do slip up and eat it, but it's not him making me do it. I chose to do it.

It is important and lovely to have like-minded people in your life, but the realistic part of me sees that if my lifestyle has deteriorated this far, it's because of my own choices and habits. Sometimes those habits form from the people around us, and usually, if I'm around unhealthy eaters for a long time, I've noticed it's more "acceptable" to slip up. Well, it's not... but yanno... it isn't outside of the norm to eat unhealthily. I just decided I want better for myself and no one has control over what I eat except me.

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Old 12-29-2010, 08:06 AM   #13  
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This thread is interesting to me. I have wondered from time to time if I would have had a different life if I had been brought up in a family of health conscious people. When I was a kid, there was no one in my circle who actually exercised on a regular basis or was the least bit interested in healthy food choices. I remember when I was a kid and McD's had a new item on the menu -- chicken mcnuggets -- and my dad took my sis and I to get some. YAY, McD's created a new food item! Or the first time I got to order a Big Mac instead of a kid's meal. Both fond childhood memories for me.

I am in no way making excuses, because I DO know better. But it must be a different experience growing up if the whole family looks forward to their Sunday bike ride rather than their Sunday trip to McD's. It just doesn't come naturally to me or anyone in my close family, to think, "We're all getting together today, what should we do? Go rock climbing, hiking, canoeing, play volleyball, go skating?" 9 times out of 10, getting together means we are going to EAT!

I have a daughter who just turned 10, and unfortunately, I think she has already "grown up" in a sedentary family. She does dance 4 days a week and would absolutely LOVE it if we did more active things as a family. I am making an effort to incorporate those things more and more as I get fitter and stronger, and I hope to take some of these other family members (including my husband) with us along the way! I have been thinking that THIS is the lifestyle change I'm looking for, not just the healthy eating, but really getting out into the world and ENJOYING all the adventures that life has to offer - opening up my world and becoming that adventurous, active family. Everything we do seems to start with ME, so maybe I can make this happen gradually, too!
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Old 12-29-2010, 08:56 AM   #14  
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I went to California and stayed with a friend & her husband for two days. I was struck by how they didn't snack during the day and ate really great breakfasts & dinners. Their idea of going out to do something active was taking the dog to walk around or run at the dog park. They don't belong to a gym and are very fit.

That's not what we do at all. We snack a lot and for exercise either go to the gym or do nothing. I don't even like the gym that much. I guess I don't consider my own lifestyle active at all, but I'd like for it to be.
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Old 12-29-2010, 09:59 AM   #15  
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I also grew up in an inactive family with good times centered around eating, not activities per se. I think our society just wasn't as health conscious as a general rule--more smoking, 2-martini lunches, living the "good life" eating out more and not making food from scratch, more convenience foods (tv dinners, etc.) as both parents would often be working outside the home.

Now we have a wealth of information available to us, and small changes have been happening in our day and age regarding our views about what is healthy and what is not. It's just hard to be the first ones in our families trying to change. It is helpful to be around those whose lifestyles are healthier--and I've been lucky enough to have a couple of friends now in my circle who are living examples of the attitudes and habits I'm trying to emulate.

Just gotta keep working at it.........
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