Forgetting How to Eat [Confession]
 

So, I have a secret.
It's not a huge secret, but it's there.
For the past... couple months, I've been living off of 1,000 cal/day average.

I DO NOT believe in the 'starvation mode' myth. I do not believe I'd gain weight or my body will shut down on 1,000 calories. That's not my issue, and I'm not interested in hearing lectures that reflect this.

Heck, I even support 1,000 calorie diets for certain people. Do I get to qualify? I thought so before... But now I don't. My BMR is about 1,400... so I figured 1,000 was a good number for a person who was ~135 and never goes to the gym. Heh. Maybe it was. But... NOT the way I was eating. It was PURE junk. Sugary 100 calorie treats. No chicken, no eggs, no meat even. No beans. No nuts, and rarely any fruit. No veggies (unless you count pickles). No yogurt... fiber from popcorn only.

The thing is, I don't FEEL any worse than when I ate healthy and went to the gym all summer. I worked out like crazy, and ate the healthiest things possible. I was just as lethargic then, as I am now. I wasn't any more motivated than, than now. I didn't feel any better. I didn't feel more satisfied (despite eating crap now, I'm never hungry). I poop a lot less now, but I don't feel bad.

I kind of hate it, actually. I should feel GREAT when I'm eating healthy and working out! I should feel like Super Woman! But no. I feel the EXACT SAME. I don't feel like I have any more energy. None. So what's the point? You could say I'm healthier, but if I don't see it or feel it, it's hard to believe its even there.

And weight loss? The same. Heck, for a month or two, it was actually FASTER than when I ate well and exercised.

(And yes, I always counted my calories, even when I ate healthy.)

I'm so discouraged. I feel guilty about my eating habits, yet I can't convince myself that I should change them. And I CAN'T find the middle ground between the two eating extremes, which is what I really need.

I'm starting to go to the gym again, which means that I need to eat more, but I have no idea how much. I'm guessing 1,200 plus whatever I burn at the gym, but I really don't know. SIGH. This is so hard sometimes.

Hi Wild,

You are saying that you feel lousey whether you are eating well or not....maybe there is something else causing your lethargy. I know for me it was a Vitamin D deficiency. My doctor also ordered tons of bloodwork on me because I told her I was always feeling exhausted and that is what she came up with. After I started taking Vitamin D supplement I felt a lot better.

Regardless you already know that you SHOULD be eating healthy....so I won't lecture you on that. And I also do not believe in the "starvation mode theory"...There is absolutely NO scientific evidence that supports this theory. The metabolism may slow down when you restrict calories but it does so at such a minimal amount that it shouldn't make a difference.

I really almost didn't comment because I was at a loss for words???

All I can say is that food = nutrients (vitamins, minerals, etc.). The "healthy" foods are simply HEALTHY because they are more nutrient dense or, simply put, have more nutrients. More nutrients mean that your organs can do their job properly.

Example of people who don't get enough nutrients over time include what you may recognize as "Third world countries" you see on T.V. asking for donations. This is why we are supposed to eat a wide "variety" of nutrient rich foods like lean meats, green and orange veggies, complex carbs, and even some simple carbs like rice has some valuable nutrients.

Bottom line, if you starve your body of nutrients by eating only simple sugars are consistently depriving your body of life sustaining nutrients, your major organs will eventually shut down. When that happens, you die. This is why we need to EAT to LIVE...not just to "fill up our bellies"...but we eat to supply our body with the necessary nutrients it needs for survival. Most of the "bulk" is removed in our waste anyway! LOL!

Ok...soooo, I'm not going to lecture you on 1,000 calories, however, I will tell you this, all WEIGHT LOSS is NOT good!!! What typically happens to people who go on severely reduced calorie diets is that they will lose weight (again, might I refer you to the starving children you see on t.v. standing next to Sally Struthers), the weight they lose is mostly MUSCLE...not fat.... When you lose muscle, your metabolic rate (BMR) drops even lower and its steadily becomes even harder to maintain or lose. Most GAIN twice the weight back because of this muscle loss.

In order to gain/keep muscle...you have to feed it. Might I recommend a really good book about nutrition, diet and exercise? Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle...google it...it'll help you make sense of all this.

Hope this helps!:)

Try eating more.

I am surprised you don't want to eat more than 1000 calories.

I need my food!

Thank you both for your compassion :)

Zumba - I think you're right. I should talk to my doctor. I brought it up with her before, and I got a blood test to see what my iron levels were... but she never brought it back up, so I assumed everything came out normal. Next time I see her, I'll bring it up again and be a bit more assertive.

Joyfulloser - :lol: A guilt trip is the PERFECT way to get to me! Now I want to eat better just because I'm lucky enough to have that opportunity. Thank you for reminding me how lucky we are. I'll check out that book too.

I know what I said was pretty... weird. Obviously bad foods aren't good for you. Obviously your body needs things to work right. My head gets it, but the rest of me is lazy and decides that thawing the chicken, cutting it, then cooking it is so much more work than just grabbing a quick little snack out of the fridge. (I hate hate hate hate hate hatehatehatehate cooking :) I'd live off chicken breast delimeats and frozen cooked shrimp if I could afford to.) Maybe my problem with being tired and lazy directly effects my lack of desire to bother feeding myself appropriately. It's not as though I dislike healthy foods. I'm not sure.

I am sorry that you are feeling bad.

Have you tried an exchange plan to help you with your eating? It might help you to make better food choices and eat enough calories at the same time. I am restarting mine on Monday (after a LONG absence from it).

Jeez, just buy some Lean Cuisines! What's this cutting up raw chicken business? No wonder you hate to cook! I'd never eat at home if I had to go through that.

Buy some boneless, skinless chicken cutlets from the meat counter. All you have to do is cook them in some olive oil in a frying pan. Shake some McCormick's Montreal Chicken spices on them. Yum. Enough to last for three meals.

Buy microwave-ready bags of green beans, add a spoonful of olive oil and some dill weed when they're done cooking. Enough to last for four meals.

Hate preparing salad? Bag salad! Quick! Easy!

I mean, come on... It is as hard as you make it! There are no Diet Trophies given for making food difficult. ;)

As for not feeling any differently... Well, there is no guarantee that living a healthy lifestyle is going to solve being listless and lethargic. Maybe look to what else is going on in your life other than food?

Jay

So where did you hear that nonsense?

Pardon my bluntness, but that's a load of crap. You're talking about food and exercise, not cocaine. If you're expecting to feel like a superhero, of course you're going to be disappointed.

It's a bit like dieting for a month and deciding it's not worth it, because you haven't lost sixty pounds yet.

Or deciding that a college degree guarantees that you'll love every minute of your job and become a millionaire overnight.

There are a lot of things you do in life because they'll EVENTUALLY pay off, not because you'll receive immediate rewards. The rewards may take years, even decades to pay off.

Likewise, bad habits can take decades to do their damage. If you only make choices that have immediate consequences, you short-change yourself on all the benefits of long-range goals. And you'll also take a lot of risks that will eventually take their toll.

If you're only worried about today, then the **** with diet and exercise. Eat what you want, do what you want, spend what you want, tomorrow doesn't matter anyway, right?

If it sounds like I'm angry, I'm not. At least not with you. I'm very angry at myself. Angry that I didn't take care better care of myself just because I didn't feel any worse for all the crazy crash diets, diet pills, poor sleep habits, crazy work hours burning the candle at both ends... all for the short-term rewards, yet not saving for retirement... all of the ways in which I lived without realizing the long-term consequences of an unhealthy, unbalanced lifestyle, because in the short term it didn't seem to make much difference.

In the long-run it does make a difference, and if you don't believe that, then you're not going to work for the long-term goals, you're only going to live for today.

Just because you don't feel any worse eating junk does not mean your body isn't feeling worse. You're already starting off feeling lethargic, so you might not notice a change because of that. Besides that, eating junk consistantly can have a long term effect on your body. It's like when smokers insist that smoking doesn't make them feel unhealthy right NOW, but years later they develop health problems because of their habit. You can develop nutrient deficiencies, among other things, if you aren't feeding your body properly.

And just because you don't feel or see a change in your body doesn't mean it's not there. You need to get past the need for tangible results, because they aren't always going to be there. Again, since you're already feeling lethargic, you might not notice something getting better because you're feeling crappy. You should probably go see a doctor about that, as if you can correct whatever problem there is, it might help with your lack of energy and motivation. :)

Is fast weight loss your only priority? Or do you also want to develop long-term habits that'll keep you from regaining and help you preserve your health for your entire life? If it's the former, then just do what works for you; if eating nutrient-light, but tasty stuff in tiny amounts peels the pounds off of you, then go for it and enjoy the smaller number on the scale. If you'd prefer to lose only fat instead of lean muscle tissue too, then it's probably a better idea to eat a more varied and nutrient-dense diet.

The human body is incredibly resilient. We're true omnivores and can thrive on anything from a strict vegan diet to pure junk to a buffet of meats and cheeses. People aren't regularly keeling over and dying in the streets from eating nothing but fast food and pre-fab snacks, and you're unlikely to either.

The trouble is, over time your metabolism changes. I don't know how old you are, but I would guess early to mid-20s. What will you do in your 40s when the tricks that used to peel the weight off of you quickly no longer do the trick? How will you cut your calories to less than 1000 per day and still get enough nutrition to live?

That's a potential future for you, and I know it because I have been there. Yes, every body is different and my story isn't necessarily yours, but bodies also change over time. I was in the 120s in my 20s--worked two jobs and went to school and had the energy for all of it despite eating virtually nothing but fast food, mall food, and gas-station snacks. It was easy to maintain that weight, too--until the two retail jobs became one sedentary desk job and I gained sixty pounds in a year because my rotten habits caught up with me in my late 20s/early 30s.

I don't want to give you a guilt trip or a lecture. If losing weight NOW is your highest priority, I can well understand that; it was my highest priority at one point, too. (That's how I got into my 120s in my 20s. ;) ) But there's a price to pay for it later--also a price to pay for over-restricting your calories, for that matter, as it can mess with your metabolism to the point that you have real trouble paring off pounds when you're older.

It's ultimately up to you whether you think the price paid later is worth an easier road now. You might luck out and pay only a small price; you might also wind up struggling to get below 200 pounds and wishing like **** you hadn't screwed up your metabolism and had learned saner dietary habits earlier in life, too.

They're your dice to roll.

Chicken breast isn't known for any special energy-giving or feel good properties. People on here just talk about it because it is low in calorie and keeps you full longer. The only things that give me a remarkable blast of energy are fruit smoothies first thing in the morning (fruit mixture w/ splash of rice milk) or a normal starbucks coffee (which seems to have a special blend of caffeine).

People talk about feeling a special clarity in thoughts and a rise in energy while fasting.... but overall, I totally agree with kaplods, the superwoman feeling is nonsense! Sometimes I get an adrenaline rush from running, but I still can't say I feel like superwoman.

Your story reminded me of my nephew (but not as extreme). He is now 14. He has been eating a diet of cottage cheese, meat, eggs, cereal, milk, mcdonalds, and pizza his whole life (since he has expressed a choice). He refuses to eat all fruit and all vegetables, except for canned green beans. He has terrible constipation problems - followed by uncontrollable bowel movements. Its quite sad, his doctors have warned him and his mom of the problem with colon cancer that could very likely be in his future. He is tall, extremely skinny, and pale.

He doesn't *think* he feels bad, except for the constipation. I agree with Nola Celeste, that the body is incredibly resilient. But, at some point it will not be that anymore and that now we have to start preparing ourselves for the future by building muscle and avoiding the crash diets.

Starvation mode may be a myth but the effects of eating that low of a calorie intake aren't. I know I've said this a lot but it's really something I want people to hear. Over the summer I dipped my calories below 1,000. At first I was fine, I just thought 'Man why didn't I do this before'. I was losing faster and I wasn't hungry or anything; life was okay. But then after a couple of months I started noticing a lot of differences. I was a major *****, my skin looked sick (like that gross yellow-y pale sick), and my hair was falling out litterally in handfuls in the shower. It took a lot of my strength to even up my calories by 100 because I had gotten so use to eating to low I thought that anything above it would make me gain.

:dizzy: You guys are all so smart!

I am in my early twenties, yeah, and I think that's part of my problem :lol: I feel absolutely invincible (as in nothing bad could ever happen to me), so I often forget I'm just as vulnerable as anyone else.

kaplods, I always love your posts. I guess my expectations ARE pretty up there. I hear a lot of people talk about how great they feel when they're on track, and how sluggish and gross they feel when they're not. I've never been one of those people, so I figured something was wrong with me. Silly, I know.

I hear what you guys are saying. I owe these changes to my future self, to give her the best life possible. I'll start with upping my calories, and picking a certain amount of protein to eat each day.

the feeling marvellous when you eat well and sluggish when you don't thing is over 99% placebo effect. Magazines and tv promise us we will feel amazing so many people do. If you don't buy it then no placebo effect for you thus no super woman. It's not actually real, it's to sell magazines, who'd buy a cover story promising you'd feel marginally more solid and regular in the bathroom? Better to try to sell a miracle, and if you buy into the miracle then you get one, so "it really works"

I guess the question is, how long did you give healthy eating a go 'round? It took me a total of two months and a lot of working out to get perfect on schedule and realize truly how amazingly different I felt. It doesn't happen overnight like so many would like you to believe.

And how long have you been eating unhealthy? It may not catch up with you now, but trust, it will catch up health-wise in the future. Try to change it while you are young.

It took a year of rigorous healthy eating and exercise - and about 60 pounds lost - before I started to really notice feeling different, and even then it was a fairly subtle change, not a radical personality transplant. I have a little more energy for moving around than I used to - I tend to trot up the stairs at work rather than dragging myself up the stairs; I get a little more antsy and sometimes want to move around, a little more often than I used to. But it's not like I've gone from being a slug to being a little ball of energy. It's more like I've gone from being a slug to being a slightly more mobile slug. ;)

RoseRodent - I've wondered if there was a placebo effect going on. I dismissed that though, since it sure sounded like everyone felt like a million bucks. I'm glad I'm hearing the truth. Having unrealistic expectations can REALLY be a motivation breaker.

Krizstyling - I ate great for about 3 months. And I mean flawless! Or about as flawless as you can get, lol. As for unhealthy eating? That's a tough question. Practically forever, I guess... I don't know. I don't think I've eaten THIS bad before. At least when I used to overeat, I ate a wide variety of junk food. So it was probably better than now.

Carter - I'm both happy and sad to hear this. Thank you so much for sharing though! I REALLY want to go from "sluggish" to "a little ball of energy" and when I didn't see that happening from diet and exercise, I figured I was just broken or something. I still want to be an energetic little thing, and now I haven't a clue how to make that happen. I will talk to my doctor.


You'll all be happy to hear that I went grocery shopping today (right after going to the gym!), and stocked up on lots of healthy foods. Plenty of veggies, and easy sources of protein. :)

Even if you're losing weight at an amazingly rapid pace, you still see the same person in the mirror today that you saw yesterday. Without time-lapse photography, it can seem like no progress at all.

If you've ever gotten a horribly-too-short hair cut, you know how it seems to take forever for the hair to grow out to where you can fix it. You don't really notice the hair growing, you just realize one day that "it's not that bad, you're getting used to it, and actually kind of like it." That's not what really happened, you didn't begin to like the crappy hair cut, it's just grown out enough to look better, but you haven't seen the growth occur, so you think you just changed your mind about the crappy hair cut. Unless you have a photo in front of you to remind you just how horrible it really was, you assume that you changed your mind not your hair.

A lot of people avoid being photographed during the weight loss process. I think it's really when you should get lots and lots of pictures taken (I admit I don't follow this great piece of advice myself, either. Maybe I'll make that my New Year's resolution. Maybe I'll make Tuesday, picture day).

I've lost large amounts of weight (50lbs plus) about four times in my life, and each time I saw some pretty amazing physical changes (in hindsight, though it didn't seem so at the time). I've also had another three times in which I didn't lose weight, but made huge health improvements, also without realizing it at the time.

For example, about twelve years ago, I took a retraining class on a college campus. I had to park far away from the class, and could barely make it to the class without collapsing. By the end of the three month class, it was easy. Then I got the job in a huge complex and had to do lots of walking from one building to another, several times a day. Just making it to the cafeteria at lunchtime was a struggle. A few months later, I had no problem.

But I didn't ever noticed the change as it was happening, because every day was virtually the same as before. When you make six inches of progress a day, it sure doesn't seem like you're walking any further. It doesn't seem like any progress at all until you compare your start point, with the point you're at three months later. And some changes you'll never notice, because you weren't paying attention to the starting point, you don't remember where it actually was.

It seems that once you can do something easily, you forget what it was like to find it difficult, and you may even forget that you ever found it difficult.

The statement I italiced and bolded, I didn't even fully realize until this weight loss attem't - only because I found some old journals as I was cleaning out my hobby room, and reread them. I realized how much progress I really had made.

I don't feel like I've made hardly any progress at all, even though the changes are actually quite dramatic, but it's hard to compare myself to six years ago, and when I compare myself to yesterday, nothing has changed. When I started this, I couldn't raise my hands over my head for more than a few seconds. I could barely walk from the handicapped parking space to the door of the mall or Walmart. Now I can shop Walmart without a motorized cart. That alone is a tremendous improvement, but I don't "feel it" because it seems so long ago.

Whenever I feel like my progress has been so slow that the effort is pointless, I remind myself of where I used to be, and ask myself if I want to go back.

Do I want to go back to sleeping only 20 minutes at a time, because I'd hurt so bad I'd have to flip over, and 20 minutes would have to flip again (I still do this flip-flopping, but it's every 3 hours instead of every 20 minutes)?

Do I want to go back to having to have a chair in the shower, and needing my husband's assistance to get out of the shower?

Do I want to go back to using a motorized cart at Walmart - or worse being unable to shop anywhere I had to stand for more than 5 minutes?

Do I want to go back to fatigue so incredible that I fell asleep even behind the wheel on my way to work in the morning?

Do I want to go back to sleeping more hours than I was awake?

As incredible as the progress is that I have made, I still don't feel like a superhero. I forget all the time how much progress I've made. I only realize it when I intentionally compare - and even then I forgot how bad it really was.

Humans naturally forget pain. If we didn't, no woman in history would have ever have a second child. And no one would ever experience a second hangover.

Heck, I wouldn't gorge myself on Ranier cherries every season. Every year, I forget the severity of the consequences. I end up with severe stomach cramps and potty problems, and every year I tell myself "never, ever again."

In some ways, the past doesn't seem "real." I remember sleeping up to 20 hours in a day, and I remember not being able to use hair conditioner in the shower (because I could barely wash and rinse my hair once), and I remember a shower tuckering me out so badly that I couldn't shower in the mornings anymore or I wouldn't have made it to work. I remember it being worse, and having to take a nap after every shower (even with the shower chair).

But while I remember all of those things, and I consciously know my life is amazingly improved, it's hard to feel that improvement because it was so gradual. Since every day feels exactly like the day before, which felt exactly like the day before that, which felt exactly like the day before that - it's hard to acknowledge that progress occurred. It's hard to feel grateful, proud, or protective of that change.

And I know if I refuse to work on my weight, exercise, and health , I'll regain all of the weight (and then some) and regain all of the disability (and probably then some) and I'll end up in a worse place than I started - but I also know that decline will be gradual too - so I won't notice it either. It's why quitting is so easy, because I also know that everything isn't going to disappear overnight, either.

Every time I'm tempted to quit, I have to remind myself that I won't see a difference tomorrow, or even next week or next month. I won't notice the decline any more than I noticed the improvement. I'll just wake up one day and realize that I can't shower on my own, or I can't shop on my own, and I'll wonder when it happened, how it happened, and I'll realize it was my own inability to compare today to six years ago or six years from now.

None of us can do it without help. We have to trust that improvement will come with effort, even if we don't notice the improvement nearly as much as we notice the effort.

I can't strongly enough recommend using a journal, keeping it, and periodically rereading it, because it helps make that comparison. Even when you can't remember what it was like, your journal can help you remember.

Vulpix, what stood out to me most in your original post wasn't that you were eating 1,000 calories but that you mentioned you always found yourself swinging from extreme to extreme.

Have you ever spoken to a mental health professional? It sounds to me like you're exhibiting some signs of disordered eating behaviors. Your language in your post seems a bit manic and swinging between extremes regarding food could be a symptom of a completely different problem. Personally, I found that a HUGE part of my overeating/undereating/overexercising/unrealistic expectations about my body's abilities were a symptom of anxiety which, in turn, was a symptom of my undiagnosed attention deficit disorder.

I could be WAY off base here but it might be worth looking in to. I'm really glad I did.

Great news!

I've been hitting the gym like crazy for the past three days, made and have consistently been meeting a protein goal, and I've upped my calories to 1,500-1,600. The scale went up a tiny bit, but it looks like it's going down again. I'm already pooping a lot more (I figured everyone wanted to know about that ;) ) and... yeah. It's been pretty good. (Though I've been SO SORE from the gym!)

It's honestly been very difficult to maintain eating at this higher calorie level! In part because I'm eating a lot more food... but also because I'm going through food like crazy. I actually want to invest in more calorie dense foods (and maybe write out a grocery list). I haven't ate this much since... since last year, and it's difficult figuring out how. Aside from avocados (and maybe bananas) though, I can't really think of any healthy yet calorie dense foods off of the top of my head!

moon safari - Thank you for the advice :) I don't see the harm in talking to a professional. In fact, I've always wanted to. The problem is though, that I don't know where... Preferably, I'd like to do it for free. I'm a college student; do colleges generally have psychologist/councilors that you can speak to?

hmm, I try to stick to "nutrient dense" food so I get more bang for my caloric buck, so to speak. These are some of my favorites--I'd list all of mine, but I'm just putting easy to prep foods for you:
apples, berries, bananas, any fruit basically--frozen fruit is very economical and you can let it thaw or nuke it for 30 seconds before you eat it.
string cheese
celery, broccoli, cherry tomatoes, cauliflower, cucumbers, etc with salsa
eggs, canned tuna or sardines packed in water, canned beans
bagged lettuce (I bought a huge tupperware conatiner that lives in my fridge. Once a week I wash it and refill it with romaine, spinach, broccoli, cauliflower, celery, cherry tomatoes. then I can just grab what I need for salads)
protein bars--I like ClifBuilders--they have quite a bit of protein
oatmeal (I hate just oatmeal, but if you add a diced apple or some frozen fruit, it's like a cobbler;)
unsalted pretzels
yogurt
kashi makes a cereal that has 13 grams of protein per serving--Kashi GoLean I think. I mix it with yogurt and that's breakfast.
Hope this helps.
edited: I just realized you weren't asking for food ideas--sorry if this post was not wanted.

Yes, yes!

I work at a college, and most that I've heard of have some sort of free counseling service for students. I hope you can take advantage of it!

Good luck!