Why did I let myself get to this point? The lowest I remember weighing is 210 lbs. I don't ever remember being in Onderland. My entire waking memory is of being extremely overweight and somehow over 13 years I gained 93lbs. I don't say somehow like I don't know how. Obviously it's inner issues, too much eating of the wrong food, and not enough exercise. I guess I mean, why didn't I stop it sooner? What was wrong with me? Why did I do this to myself?

My weight completely consumes everything about my life. It affects my relationships, my friendships, my marriage, my self esteem, my self worth, the clothes I wear, the tables I sit at in restaurants, the amount of house work I do, crossing the street, how I tie my shoes, EVERYTHING.

I want to know what it feels like to just be me. Not the fat me, just me. I want to know what it feels like to wake up on a hot summer day and instead of putting on a hoodie and jeans I put on a pair of shorts and a tank top and not care what people think about my body. I just want to enjoy life the way I am meant to.

I need support. Desperately.

If anyone is looking for a serious weight loss buddy please say hi and let's help each other achieve our goals.

Thinning vegan, I'd love to be buddies. I too have been overweight my whole life. I've yo-yoed a bit for the last couple of years, but I'm resolved to lose the weight now. Losing weight can be so difficult. I just saw a picture of myself from a few weeks ago and I'm much bigger than I'd imagined. It's discouraging. But we can't focus on how we got to this place. If we do, we'll go crazy with regret and start blaming ourselves, our parents, anyone and anything.
We must focus on combating the problem, and that can only be done step-by-step, with faith that we can and will accomplish this impossible thing. So let's do it!

Hey there Suzy! Thanks for the reply and congrats on your 5lb loss. How is your week going?

Hi there thinning Vegan, I can understand completely although I didn't reach that 'how the **** did I get so big' moment until after I had lost some weight and revisited old pics. For me to begin to lose weight I had to create a positive, supporting place in my life. I couldn't lose feeling as fat as I was. I also use weight watchers because I need the social interaction as well as the weekly accountability.

Some Tips:

-Don't focus on where you are now. Focus on where you will be six months from now.
-Make small changes and don't beat yourself up.
-Although it gets a bad wrap having a certain amount of guilt tied into your diet is a positive it has kept me from getting completely off track for long periods of time.
-Start with whatever is easiest either changing your diet then incorporating exercise or the other way around. I didn't exercise for the first 6 months.
-Trial and error are very important on this journey.

More then anything believe that you can do it and then act accordingly.

I think you have some detangling to do because I see you blaming WEIGHT for everything holding you back, when really it's your SELF ESTEEM that is holding you back from some of the important stuff. Stop mixing it all up in the same bucket.

What's weight got to do with marriage? Or friends? Or heck, even tank tops? You want to wear tank top fashion in the summer, just get one in your current size and put it ON! You want to wear one right now in the winter? Go right ahead!

Don't get me wrong... I identify with some of that. Being obese is being obese, and stuff like tying shoes and fitting in restaurant tables is an issue of physical space and fitness level. That sort of stuff will improve with weight loss. Lose the weight, no more problem bending over to tie the shoes or fitting in a restaurant booth.

But the self esteem thing? You have to work on that separately. Yes, by all means work at being healthier and fitter to fix the weight stuff.

But fixing relationship problems with the marriage, friendships and so on aren't going to happen on the scale. That's going to happen in the relationships. Reach out to your people, build better bonds, and start relating to each other better. You don't have to lose weight to try to be a better friend or get rid of toxic people in your life who drain you.

The right tools for the job, ya know?

GL!
A.

HI ThinningVegan! I'm looking for a buddy as well...my high school days I was 130...out of highschool I have been 220. Now I'm 203 and struggling! Even lost 40lbs last winter/spring and gained every bit back...I could kick myself for letting go. Everyone around me is skinny! I see pics of me on Facebook that other friends have posted...I look like a whale...which is funny because I don't fill that way at all.

I need weekly almost daily accountability. I know going forward that watching what I eat will have to be a lifestyle change...I'm a closet yo-yo dieter. And each time I let go I gain even more back.

If you want to exchange emails we can email or IM daily!

doinit200 - Thanks for the tips I agree with them completely. Believing in oneself is so important

astrophe - I am not blaming my weight for my problems, I'm saying it consumes me and my way of thinking. I allow it to affect my decisions and feelings, etc. on a daily basis and that obviously shows me that it needs to be eliminated from my life. I don't have low self esteem because I'm fat, I am fat because I have low self esteem. lol I completely agree with it being separate in some ways but for me losing weight and taking control of my health will absolutely help in my thinking and how I feel about myself.

chatterbox205 - I've always been such a yo yo too always seeming to self sabotage my efforts at one point or another. I would love to speak daily that would be great!!

Thinning Vegan, I am totally looking for a "serious weight loss buddy". I have almost 140 lbs to my goal weight, and i'd love to have someone to "go at it" with.

I have never truley tried to lose weight....I started piling it on at about 17, in an abusive relationship...since then, I too have seen such a drastic impact on my life. I am SICK of it!! I am a member of search and rescue, and I feel HORRIBLE when on an exercise everyone else has to wait for me as I huff and puff!!

Hi there Ohmydogs! Yay a fellow Canadian. How's the weather in SK? It's FREEZING here. -36 today.

My aim is in my profile if you have that please feel free to add me!

It's not too bad here, only about -25. You must be on the east coast, I hear they are getting our cold snap from last week. Brrrrr!!

I don't have aim yet, I can't download it to this silly laptop because we have such limited hard drive space (the desk top died)...I have MSN and Skype though (I just use the messenger on skype) if you want

You can do it! If I may offer advice: one thing that helped keep me motivated when I was first starting (and still helps any time I'm stalling) is to surf the goal photo forum. Seeing all these folks who have successfully lost -- and seeing the amazing transformations that take place -- is incredibly motivating. Plus, I like to think, "if all these people can do it, then SO CAN I!"

Good luck, and look forward to seeing you around!

You remind me of me when I started out. I also thought it was all "inner" stuff: that I was too weak, too pathetic, and that I needed to be stronger, tougher, more serious. But that turned out to be wrong. I needed to change my way of dieting, until I found a way that didn't require me to be tougher. For me, the biggest change was eating more--diets had always been VLC (very low calorie) for me, because I thought "the tougher the better"--after all, being fat = being bad, so the way to fix being bad is to punish yourself until you've "paid" for it. Then the Fat Gods forgive you and you get skinny. But at 300, a VLC diet (1200) was beyond me. I could sustain it for a while, but always snapped in the end. Eating more, like 2000 (and ****, I started at 2300 and lost at that), made it easy. I could do that forever. And so when life got complicated, I could stay on plan. And once I found that sweet spot, the weight fell off. I felt like I was cheating the Diet Gods.

I can relate. I don't remember what I look like at a normal, healthy weight. I'm short and have small bone structure, so extra fat really hides "me". I have pictures of me as a teenager where I was thinner, but I was 2 inches shorter. Not to mention, I've had children and I know that has changed the way my body is. So I don't know what I look like normal. :/

You'll find a lot of support here. You should come into the Daily Accountability thread. There's a LOT of support to be found there as well!

Thinning Vegan - Have you been to the Canadian Winter thread? Nice people. Lots of weather reports. Very supportive.
Oh my dogs! - You are the first SK person here I've seen! In like three years. Or four. I can't remember when I joined. Welcome! (Have you watched your dogs run away for three days?) lol

greeneggsandtam: I resent that comment about watching my dogs run away for 3 days......I may be fat, but I still get cold (I am totally joking here). I saw someone else post who's from Saskatchewan as well. I moved here from the west coast almost 4 years ago, and it was the best thing I ever did!!