Feeling Blue
 

I should start this out by saying i have never been diagnosed with depression. I can control (or ignore) my emotions most of the time...but when I'm tired is usually when I get really down.

Well, it's finals time at school and I'm running low on sleep. And I've been feeling really down lately--even though I've now caught up on sleep. I don't know why. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be happy with my life. Will I ever really like how I look? What I do? That kind of thing.

Currently I just feel really lonely. I feel like I'm going to be alone forever and that no one will ever love me. I feel like no one knows me-they may think they do but they don't. And I feel like they don't really care to. They take me at face value and assume that I'm the happy go lucky person I project myself to be. And it couldn't be further from the truth. Whenever I try o tell people how I'm feeling they brush it off. If I tell them I'm lonely and feel like I'll be alone forever they tell me I'm being silly and I have so much to offer...blah blah blah. They don't get it.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? What do you do to get yourself out of a funk? It's getting harder and harder to put on a happy face for everyone. But I think if I didn't no one would like the real me-which is far more quiet and down than people would ever guess..

I felt exactly like this. Most docs will say that if the "funk" (I used the same word to describe it lol) lasts more than 2 weeks nearly every day then the depression is clinical and not just a phase where you're feeling down. It's been finals for me too and I know anxiety contributes to how crappy I feel, so a combo of meds/counseling/yoga has been very helpful for me. I'm not a doctor (yet) so I can't diagnose anything of course, but if your school has counselors (I know for both of my schools counseling is free) then it would be beneficial for you to make an appointment. I actually started out seeing a counselor who suspected my feelings were more than just "I'm not happy with what I'm doing" or "I feel lonely", but indicative of something more serious. I was also just recently diagnosed hypothyroid, a common symptom of which is depression, so if you have insurance or can afford a blood panel that includes TSH that might be good too (I'm of the science-y persuasion, so I like seeing numbers). Good luck feel free to reply or pm me if you have any more questions. :) You are not alone!!

Have you had episodes like this before? In a state of nature (let's say...mid-semester, adequate sleep, low stress times just spent home alone relaxing) do you feel like you're battling off the urge to feel down?

I don't think a depressive episode necessitates a diagnosis or means that you are clinically depressed, but it is very real and it sounds like that's what you're going through.

I had one that lasted several months earlier this year and I sat at work Googling "Do You Have Depression?" websites all day every day. Felt like nothing could ever be right again. Mine was possibly culture shock/fatigue related since I am an American expat abroad though. It went away on its own but while I was in the middle of it I looked forward to running because the endorphins would swat the blues away for a couple hours and I felt "normal" post-workout.

I have depression and sometimes I get so down I feel like I can't even breathe. I completely understand the feelings that nobody will ever truly know you.

Right now the only thing that helps is for me to focus completely on my health and to try not to think about the other things. I get obsessive with negative thoughts and it just feeds on itself.

Like Krampus above, running for me is a great help with depression.

I agree with some others...I am in a similar situation as you, I am in university and while I had no exams this term, I had paper after paper due in a short amount of time. I made sure I got some exercise every day, running every second day. Must have been the endorphins kicking in, because running helped me feel better physically and emotionally and got me back on track.

Hang in there.

I have a kind of general, low-grade depression but it takes a complete nose-dive from late October onwards. Only this year, talking it over with a doctor who bothered to listen (one of the first ever) did it dawn on me that I was talking Seasonal Affective Disorder.

"Ah, the winter blues", people say. If they say it to me one more time, they'll find how blue I can be with a hatchet! lol. It is soul-sucking and life-crippling; it feels like my spirit is being slurped down a plug-hole, I feel like I'm ceasing to exist.

What has really helped me this year, is
a) Realizing that it is a thing that is happening to me - in previous years, I've just felt like death without knowing why
b) Increasing the % of carbs I eat in my diet
c) Getting out into the daylight for at least half an hour every day for a walk. I hate ice and snow, so I look a sight when I go out - wintertrax on my shoes, I take an old lady shopping trolley for a bit of balance - but I go.
d) If it really is impossible, I do some hard housework, anything to keep the blood pumping a bit and to stop the couch having so much domination over me.
e) Acknowledging that some days, it really is a blankets over the head day, and I allow myself to do - well, not very much really :)
f) Acknowledging that when I'm like this, The Most Important thing is controlling it - I won't be an effective worker or just a human being if I don't. So for example, this past week there have been 3 non-compulsory, out of hours staff Dinners/Lunches - and I've sent apologies. No reasons, just enough info not to to cost others money.

Does any of that help? Either way, have a :hug:

Before jumping to conclusions about what is "wrong" with you and whether you need meds, counseling, thyroid tests or who knows what, you might consider that it is finals, and you are running on empty. Any negative thoughts you're having are bound to be magnified!

- Make sure you continue to get enough sleep and other rest periods. Taking a walk can be a rest, oddly enough.

- Make sure that you are getting proper nutrition. That means enough protein, carbs, and healthy fats to sustain your efforts. Even though you want to lose weight, now is not the time for drastic restriction.

- Try not to rely on caffeine or other stimulants too much. You can have a real letdown when these things wear off.

The stress and pressure you are feeling about finals is overflowing into your usual fears. Yes, usual. Lots of people have those fears. Sit down and have a good cry about it--that might relieve some stress--but remind yourself that this is a state that's going to pass.

After exams are over and you've had some rest during the break, you can look for a counselor, or medical tests, or full spectrum light bulbs--whatever seems like it might help. But your feelings are not reality; they are just feelings, and they change.

Good luck! Hang in there!
Jay