Hi everyone,
I guess I am just needing to vent.
I ran a 5k charity race this evening which was really fun. It started at 7:00 and was the first race I have ever run in the dark. The course was over small rolling hills lit with tiki torches. Everyone had on light-up noses and crazy Christmas costumes. Very festive. I ran the 5k in 30:31 which isn't too shabby for someone my age and with my health issues.
I should be absolutely thrilled about this, and I am, sort of. However, 2 things set me off earlier in the day that I just need to unload. I went to the park with my granddaughter and 2 of my sons this afternoon. #2 son asked me "mom, when is the last time you swung on the swings"? I told him it was probably when I was a little girl. He said "give it a try". So I did. It was really enjoyable, freeing, felt great. He took pictures of all of us swinging. Later after I got home, I was looking at the pictures on my phone and I can't get past the feeling that I still look so gross and fat. I truly feel like I look better in the mirror than this awful set of pictures. Now I feel like I weigh 235 and it's all been some kind of a cruel joke.
To top it all off, I have been training to run a half marathon in March with a full Marathon next Dec. This is a bucket list accomplishment for me and if I actually am able to run and finish, I feel like I could die happy. (Which could happen...LOL). Well, on the way to the 5k, son #1 decides that it's the appropriate time to tell me that my hubby does not think that I will be able to run a marathon, that I'm kidding myself and that the boys shouldn't encourage me.
Truly, my husband is not some unsupportive jerk. He really isn't. He has been there with me through Parkinson's, a stroke, seizures, 2 brain surgeries and numerous other issues. He goes to the gym with me and eats healthy with me. I know he is worried about my health and me getting hurt, but heck, I had the stroke and seizures right here at home with no one around, I was overweight, depressed and pretty much sitting around waiting to die. I realize this is a huge undertaking, but I refuse to accept that I won't be able to do it. I just refuse. I am putting in the training almost every single day and I have resolve of steel.
These 2 incidents today just having me feeling down and low and I needed to type this out in hopes that someone might understand and maybe even offer a little advice or something for pulling myself out of this slump and continuing on my training path. Thank you for listening.