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It looks like you got all the responses that you needed and cleared up a misunderstanding with your hubby. I just wanted to weigh in really quick with my 2 cents.

I want to start by saying that the pictures probably aren't as bad as they look to you. I know I zoom in on the trouble spots that no one else seems to notice until I point them out. Also, I also know that sometimes a bad photo is a result of bad angles and timing. I have a friend who is nowhere near overweight and I have a couple of pictures of her that are just rediculous when you compare how the picture makes her look and how she looks in real life. The same thing that can happen if you catch someone's face right before they sneeze or are eating, can happen with the body.

Second, I have a little boy with chronic medical issues. He's been fighting for a "normal" (I call it typical) life since birth. I have to fight my instinct to "bubble wrap" him to insulate him from struggle and disappointment. I know that desire to protect the one I love will harm at times when I want to help. It could have kept him away from some of his biggest accomplishments because I was afraid for him. (I love him so much and he's already been through more than someone his age should). I know you said your hubby isn't a jerk and your sons are probably just like him, but I wonder is their hesitancy isn't from concern and love, not jerkiness. I just have to say that unless your doc says it would be bad for you from some medical stand point, then go for it. Really, respect your limits (we all have them), but I mean your actual limits versus someone else's opinon of what you can do.

I've learned that there are only a few outcomes. You could try and soar. two, you could try. It could be hard as heck, but then you keep pushing knowing your family will be there for you. Three, you try and don't finish the race as planned, but you have a great experience to look back on. Four, you don't try at all and you have no idea how you could have done.

With my son, we don't know what to expect. He has a couple of very rare disorders and no cases to tell us for sure what he can or can't do. Our only way of knowing is for him to try. I no longer dream the same dreams I had for him (like all mothers looking at their pregnant belly), now my biggest fear is that someone places a label on him or a limit and says this is what you can achieve and for him to give up on a desire/hope/dream before he even tries because he believed what they said.

That's my long winded response. I hope there was something useful to you in there.

[milmin2043]

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Thank you so much for your response. Bless you and your precious little boy. My heart hurts for you because I can imagine the kind of internal struggle you must go through on a daily basis when trying to decide the best way to proceed. I have been very blessed that none of my children have had any serious illnesses. I am sure that I could hold it together on the outside, but inside I'd be a total mess with worrying.

You are absolutely right about my family's concern. I feel like a total a** for jumping to conclusions with what my husband said and causing him to feel worse. He has legitimate reasons to be worried. I am sure that there are all kinds of scenarios running through his head of what could happen. I need to be more sensitive to the idea that my husband and sons are genuinely worried about dear old mom.

I feel, at this point, that there is nothing stopping me. I have not felt this alive in many years. I was actually training to run the White Rock Marathon in 1999 when I was told that I had Parkinson's disease. After I heard those words a few times from a few different doctors, it's as if the world stopped. I didn't even realize it at the time, but I stopped living. It was as if I slammed on the breaks. My life was so hopeless, in my own mind, that I might as well have been dead. I wasn't doing anything except going through the motions of taking care of my young family. I was sleeping any time I possibly could and eating in between to squash the pain.

My son that took the pictures on the swings is responsible for getting me running again. We were at the park, walking, and he said, "mom, when was the last time you ran?" He was a Marine and has a huge booming voice and personality. He said, "come on, let's try it, just for a few seconds". Well, I ran that day, and have been running almost every day since. Something clicked back on in my mind that day and now I am very fearful to have anything happen that might turn the switch back off. I have to talk to myself a lot about what will happen when dbs batteries need replacing, or if the doctor says I shouldn't try to run the marathon.

I have to be kinder to myself also, and I really am working on that. I have to figure out that everything I've done so far is a victory and not put so much pressure on myself. It's strange because before when I had so much internal conflict, I would eat chocolate and tons of carbs to push back the pain. Now, I have to deal with it and it can feel like a scab that keeps getting picked over and over. This journey has been wonderful and very scary at times. I wouldn't change it for the world. Thank you again everyone for your wonderful comments.

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Originally Posted by milmin2043

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You are absolutely right about my family's concern. I feel like a total a** for jumping to conclusions with what my husband said and causing him to feel worse. He has legitimate reasons to be worried. I am sure that there are all kinds of scenarios running through his head of what could happen. I need to be more sensitive to the idea that my husband and sons are genuinely worried about dear old mom.

Please don't feel bad. I had no intention of making you feel worse about your situation. I just wanted to add that sometimes family forgets to be supportive or has a hard time not worrying. You have every right to make it clear to everyone what you want and that you would like for them to put their fears to the side to support you (especially if your doc says it's okay). Plus, if you hadn't clarified with your hubby what he said/meant then those concerns would be in the back of your mind and your kids would feel conflicted about trying to support both parents. You didn't jump to conclusions. you took the information you had and you used great communication skills to talk about the issue with your spouse.