I went to the gym today determined to lose the 40 pounds I've gained these past 2 years due to emotional eating. I've started to see a nutrionist and she has helped me work on a meal plan and exercise routine. IF I stick with it, then I should be at my goal weight by this time next year.
Anyway, I did 45 minutes of cardio on the eliptical machine today. I was feeling really good about it. As I started to walk to the locker room, 2 women (looked to me around my age...late 20s/early 30s), looked specifically at my body's "problem areas" for longer than a casual glance. Based off their faces, I could tell they were disgusted (they were/are in shape...slender). One of the women looked up and down and then looked up at my face...she turned to her friend and said something...then they both started laughing.
Their action made me feel like I was being teased back in middle school and high school by my bullies. I quickly packed up my things in the locker room and headed to my car before I started to cry.
Now I don't want to go to the gym. I was feeling proud about sticking it out on the cardio machine for 45 minutes and all it took was 20 seconds for these 2 women to knock the "fat girl" down.
I guess I could start wearing darker T-shirts to hide my protuding stomach a lot more (btw, the way my body collects fat makes it look as if I am pregnant...unfortunatley, my mother collects fat the same way...it's genetics). I'm very top little and drastically bottom heavy (similar to the shape of a light bulb).
I've cancelled my plans this evening with a friend because this inccident at the gym as really put me in a tail spin in the sense that I'm remembing all the people in my past that have teased me and told me how fat and ugly I look.
How do you become your own best friend in situations like this one? Since today is Black Friday, I've been trying to find some gym clothes for sale that can help me better hide my problem areas. I am no longer going to wear the grey T-shirt and navy blue pants that I wore to the gym today because I have seen more than a few women look down at my heavy thighs, wide hips, and big stomach....it makes me feel more uneasy than I already do.
Anyway, any tips on dressing better for the gym is greatly appreciated. I don't always want to be wearing black tshirts and black pants. I do plan on going back to the gym tomorrow, but perhaps I will go at night time when no one is really there. I feel like I'm a young girl again...hiding from her bullies....it makes me angry at myself for being SO weak-minded.