....if i keep this up. *this is a half vent/half what is she talking about post sry* Yesterday was a mentally difficult day. My view I have on my body image isn't the best and it makes dating, really difficult. I told myself I wouldn't date until I was at a stage where I could at least stand to see myself in the mirror. But ah, stupid loneliness and I caved and went out with a guy who asked me out a couple weeks ago. Didn't end well, I was very snobbish and distant from him. I mean I talked. But making eye contact and the thought of him trying to hug my fat just completely made me want to crawl in a hole and I couldn't wait for the night to be over. :-( :-( :-(
Last night on the way home, I was so upset and just frigging bummed. I stopped at the store and brought haagen dazs pint of butter pecan ice cream (300 calories per 1/2 cup) and a pack of keeblers chocolate chip cookies (4 cookies---80 calories each). I got home, I stared at that bag for a long time. Maybe I was hoping my mental powers would cut the calories in half or make the urge to eat them go away. It didn't, just in case you're wondering. I scooped out two (small) scoops of ice cream and I took one cookie out. ate the scoops and ate the cookie, took the ice cream put it on the sink and ran hot water through it. Then took the rest of the cookies and put them in the garbage disposal. Today, I went to store, and saw Sara Lee's Cheese Cake danish (i used to looooooooooooove those) for the first time in years. I brought one, looked at the package (520 calories). Took one bite, threw it in the trash.
Definitely didn't factor in calories for my impromptu bite of sara lee or my last night brush with chocolate chip cookies and butter pecan ice cream, but at least I didn't eat them all. But at the rate i'm going, i'm going to be one broke chick. I definitely have now realized I am a serious emotional eater.