I understand that it's all within my control. I get that I choose what I do and don't do. I know that to lose weight I just have to eat less than I burn. I know that I need to drink water and eat nutritious foods, exercise, etc. I've already lost 50 pounds doing what I know I need to do.

SO WHY DON'T I DO IT???

I'm so tired of feeling obsessed with food. I'm sick of feeling guilty. I'm sick of being fat. And I'm so incredibly fed up with weight loss. I really really don't want to lose weight anymore. I really, truly, just want to give up (I don't mean go crazy and eat whatever I want, but not actively try to get any smaller). But I feel like I don't have a choice. I feel like losing weight is my only option.

Mostly I think I'm just scared to try again. It takes so much emotional investment, time, and energy to make just a tiny amount of progress. Then it's all undone in what feels like an instant with no effort at all. It hurts so much every time I do this, and now all I can think about is what's going to happen when I mess it up this time? How am I going to deal with that? Everything I put into it wasted again. I can't find any positive thoughts at all. I've been bouncing around the same few pounds for a year and a half now, and I feel totally hopeless.

I don't get it. I should be able to just make myself do what I know is right. It really is so simple.

Please don't give up! you can do this, I can say I know exactly, well pretty much anyway, how you feel. You have come so far! So what if it takes you longer than you think it should, just think how you feel then. As I said in the beginning, DO NOT GIVE UP!
Pam

So do that! Maintain for a while. That's fine. There's nothing wrong with that, a lot of people even advocate taking a break. 50 pounds is a lot of weight. Give yourself a break and figure out how to maintain for a couple of weeks or a couple of months.

Just don't let yourself put it back on. That's what you CAN'T do.

looking at your ht, wt, goal, it looks like you don't have much left to lose.
how you lose or maintain is completely up to you. maybe you were being too strict before. you could try a modified version of your plan, or using simple things to keep losing a bit at a time or maintain. i think forcing yourself to do what your mind is saying no to right now could back fire. everyone's plan needs to be tweaked now and then. if your plan isn't working, change it up. what are you afraid of?

I agree with Katy. We've had several conversations in the 100 lb club lately about this very thing. Maybe it is ok to mentally put yourself in maintenance while still having it in the back of your mind to lose.

I don't have any great advice just lots of

I know what you mean. It's frustrating and it's not fair and sometimes you just want to scream because it's just so exhausting to keep thinking about calories and fat and carbs and exercise.

But. You've come so far. You've done so much. You should be proud of you. I am!

I think that like everyone else has already said, you have done a FANTASTIC job so far. But that being said, I also think that we are all at least a bit, going to always be "obsessed" with food and our weight and bodies. Eventually it will lessen, but because we know how we got there, and are so determined not to be there again, it can go to that obsessive behavior very easily. The only thing I can say is do not give up. That is not to say that I mean go crazy, or just quit caring all together, but do not give up on yourself. As soon as you throw in the towel, it is not that far from falling into the old habits of the slippery binging slope! So maybe take a break from the "dieting" portion, and just maintain a healthy lifestyle change.

OMGosh Olivia...I read your post and thought..."Gosh I don't remember writing this!". This is exactly how I have been feeling as well only look how FAR you've already come! Don't give up! Your signature says it all dear:

"Falling down isn't failure...STAYING down is"

Give yourself a break from the numbers game and celebrate all of your NSV's (non scale victories). One NSV for me was I can bend over and touch the floor now! Couldn't do that at 300 lbs!

Hang in there, it WILL get better!

Don't give up on yourself. You are worth this and you can do it

Take a break- I have done this! I know for sure I can maintain! Even when I gained 13 lbs back from going on a medication a doctor gave me (I have since stopped taking it and have lost 5 of the 13 again) I refused to let myself get discouraged.

It's okay to take a break and maintain, it won't hurt as long as you don't turn around and gain it all back!

I don't know what it is about that 50 lbs lost mark...I felt somewhat similarly to the way you're feeling when I was there.

I had worked my BUTT off since January and lost 50 lbs by the end of May. I have summers off and I really just needed a mental and physical break. So I took one! I was pretty active most of the summer, but didn't do much "official" exercise. I watched what I ate but didn't count every calorie. Sometimes I went a little overboard (i.e., Vegas), but got right back to "normal" eating after that. I weighed in every week to make sure I wasn't getting too far off track. My goal was to maintain until mid-August, when I went back to work.

And you know what? Even though I wasn't actively "trying" to lose weight, I actually did! 10 lbs over the summmer. Certainly wasn't the rate I had been losing at, but I actually felt pretty good about a loss when my goal was just not to gain.

Now I'm back on the horse and losing again. Sure, I may reach my final goal later than if I hadn't taken a break...but I really needed it. Remember, this is NOT a race!!

I know this is SO cliche to say, but to do this right (as in permanently), it's got to be a "lifestyle change", right? If you are what I call "white-knuckling" it the whole way, how can you hope to maintain that for the rest of your life? And why would you want to live that way if you COULD?

It sounds like your plan needs a little bit of an overhaul. I know it is easier to lose the pounds when you are my size compared to yours, and I know I'm going to have to get more strict as the scale goes down to keep up the losses. But I love every single thing I eat, I love my walking routine, and I love doing all the planning involved in making healthy meals for myself and my family. There is no way I could mentally continue this if I was miserable about what I have to do to lose weight.

Do what some of the others suggested -- start working on a maintenance plan that will keep you energized and HAPPY, something you KNOW you can live with for the rest of your life. I bet you'll still lose, even if it's a little slower. Then kick it up a notch from time to time to keep the losses going.

I'm convinced we're the same person...which is particularly scary because my best friend is named Olivia as well and people think we're the same person.

Look, clearly, I don't have the answer because I can't get myself out of the same head space. But perhaps, since we're both in the same space, we could help one another out?

If not, I wish you the best. Its difficult but I have to keep telling myself to make it work. I KNOW it will be worth it.

I'm new here but I can totally sympathize with you. I have a Bachelors degree in health and wellness. I know what I'm supposed to do to lose weight and be healthy. I know I have to eat less than I burn. I know what kinds of food to eat and what kinds to avoid, but I can't actually seem to do it. I'm frustrated with myself all the time. but, I have decided this time not to let one little slip up be the end of it. If I mess up I start again with the next meal. That's it.

That being said, I totally agree that maybe, instead of trying to lose more, you should concentrate on maintaining the weight you've lost. Take a little break. Just don't let it be the final end. It's a break; it's not defeat. There's nothing wrong with that. Take a little time off from it, maintain, and then get back on the horse. Good luck whatever you decide to do!

Thank you all for the replies. They helped a lot. =)