What is "splurge" worthy?
 

If you "splurge" or have planned off plan days/events, etc. how do you make that decision? How do you decide what's worth it and what isn't? And if you decide that something isn't worth it- have you ever avoided doing something or going somewhere because you were afraid you'd go off plan?

This weekend I have a big event planned with a group of friends. It's an annual thing, a whole ton of fun, and something I usually look forward to for months. With that said, it involves a lot of wine (a lot a lot of wine) and a pretty big dose of desserts. Throw in the cheese and crackers, more wine, a huge diner breakfast, some beer... well, it's pretty much a food debauchery fest. I know that I can probably be somewhat moderate for the day- only taste at two wineries, keep breakfast somewhat kind of decent, and probably stop at one dessert. The problem is that even if I can hold myself to that, I'll still be up two pounds the next day that will literally take me the rest of the week to lose. This is also coming up after last weekend, where I took a three day trip with some of my closest friends, went off plan (planned in advance to do so), and paid the scale price for it. I'm at the point where I just want to be losing weight, and I'm tired of small little gains from off plan days wreaking havoc and sabotaging an entire week.

Is it ridiculous not to go this weekend? I'm stuck in this place where I can't decide if I'm being responsible about my diet and weightloss goals, or if I'm letting them separate me from my friends and normal life experiences. I guess I just have trouble deciding how to determine if something is a "big" enough event to be splurge worthy. I don't treat myself with cookies or dinners out, etc. but this summer had 5 weddings, all of which were people I was really close to and 3 of which I was in, the bridal showers and bachelorette parties, my wedding anniversary, the annual family campout, the Disneyland vacation with friends... all of these things seemed to me like occasions that justified a little off plan detour, but there's just so many of them! For those of you who do have splurge days or events or whatever, how do you decide what is worth it to you? And if it isn't, how do you stay on plan? Have you ever decided just to not go?

I used to think that I could just splurge on those trips or events because all the exercise/diet before and after would make up for it, but I've realized that it doesn't. Not really. Not for me, anyway.

What I have been learning, from my friends who are thinner and work at being thin, is that I have to be picky about what I eat. I have a friend who drinks but she won't eat any carbohydrates. She balances the calories from one thing with another. I've also been watching all of my friends and they will eat salads and fruit and avoid the big steaks and fries or baked potatoes.

We share ONE dessert among 5 people, instead of ordering a dessert for each of us. When I go on a business trip and I don't share desserts, I'm learning that I can have a bite or two and then put my napkin on top of it, so it's out of sight/out of mind.

Eating healthy snacks before dinner also allow me to make a better choice at dinner because I'm not starving.

I think these events/parties/etc. are good "tests" for our new habits. After all, this is life, and we have to live in a world (we can't hide from it!) and we have to learn to make good choices. Watching thin people eat has made me realize my "regular" choices are really not healthy choices.

I probably would not have considered most of the events you mentioned splurge-worthy. My calculation is something like:
1. Is the food going to be really exceptionally delicious (at places like weddings, it tends not to be. Good cheese, though, is something I consider exceptional).
2. Is there anything being served that I can't get year round, or that is really important to me to feel like I "did" this event?
3. Where is my weight in comparison to my goal (for me, at maintenance, this is my "redline")?

I can't say I've ever decided not to go to an event because of the food. I go, I just don't eat the food. I think if I just didn't go, I'd have a lot more regrets than going, and deciding to abstain as much as is humanly possible from the items I don't want to eat.

The items I do choose to eat are exceptional, rare, and part of the experience (a filled pastry from a little patisserie in Paris, not from the Paris hotel breakfast and certainly not from the convenience store).

I think it just comes down to how much of a hurry you were in. I lost 135 lbs in 14 months because I wanted to try to have a baby and there's a certain urgency to that--I am 34. But if I am successful (mid-IVF right now!), I really plan to lose the baby weight more slowly--I don't care if it takes two years to lose that plus the 20 lbs I'd still like to lose, as long as my losses are steady.

Splurges will slow you down. Enough will stop you. All you can do is monitor your weight loss and see if they are worth it.

That said, it's quite possible to go to these things and just not drink or eat at all. I've gone to BBQs and wedding showers and such things and just not eaten. As long as there is no sit-down meal, no one even notices. For this thing you are talking about, just go and don't eat--pack your own food and slip out to eat it when you can. If your friends are really your friends, they'd rather have you there and not eating than making excuses.

I agree with Shmead.

During the losing portion of my journey, nothing was splurge worthy. I knew that down the road, when I was in maintenance there would be plenty more splurge worthy opportunities. And how ;).

But that didn't hold me back from going to numerous events and having a great time.

For me, a once-a-year event involving friends and visiting wineries is absolutely splurge-worthy. But to echo the excellent point Shmead made - and to constrast - I am not in a huge hurry. I like excellent food and drink too much to give it up entirely just to get the weight off in a year, when I can carry on enjoying it once in a while and still get the weight off in, say, two years.

In your shoes, I would not want to miss the once-year time with my friends. Nor would I want my diet and fitness to become the fixation of the conversation - as it would if I went along but said "no thank you" to every single offered morsel of food and drink. So, I would go, and I would enjoy myself within as much control as I could possibly exercise.

My weight-loss strategy pretty much boils down to "don't be a pig" anyhow, so learning how to enjoy good food and drink without being a pig is a big part of the process. And if I am a pig, oh well - too many calories today, maybe no loss this week, but no matter. It was just one day. It's over now and I'm back to my plan.

But that's just me. It's a very personal decision and I suspect most people on this board would handle it differently.

I say go and be as good as you can be because let's be honest- weight has probably held you (and most of us here) back from certain things in life already, not that you are regaining control and your figure, don't let your weight issues hold you back anymore- don't let life pass you by. You won't be able to avoid fun events for the rest of your life, best to start learning how to splurge within reason now, ya know?

How about you have that one dessert, leave a few bites for a friend even....eat well otherwise and drink the wine. :)

If you didn't go you could end up feeling tired of your eating plan, like it's holding you back- you don't want to feel resentful towards your healthy choices.

This is a very hard question. But, I will tell you that we had two vacations planned for the next six months- but, when I was told I HAD to lose this weight we promptly cancelled the vacation so that I wouldn't have any interference. In the past I have let one little splurge put me in a down ward spiral. NOW- since my life depends on it I will not splurge until I have met my goal.

Stacy

*To me*

Wine + good cheese = Splurge worthy.
Greasy diner food, beer, and multiple desserts = Not splurge worthy

But that's just me.

I'm facing a similar weekend. Every year, I get together with about 30 other mommy friends. We all pick a location with a house big enough for all of us to sleep, and we rent it for a 4 day weekend and fly in from all over. There's a TON of alcohol (wine, chocolate martinis (omg, yum), beer, vodka, etc etc etc), a ton of food. There's always peanut butter rice krispies treats, "trail mix" with peanuts and M&Ms and Reese's Pieces, lasagna, chili, chips, bacon, sausage, cheesecakes, and on and on and on.

My long weekend is coming up, and I'm planning to not splurge. If I want alcohol, I'll have vodka with diet root beer or an MGD 64 (blech). I'm bringing Fiber One bars and oatmeal for breakfast, 100 cal popcorn and cut up veggies and fruits for snack, and will eat sensible meals out of what's there. I won't let myself indulge in the goodies or binge, because after that same weekend last year made I went off plan for 9 months. I won't do it again!

Sometimes I plan my day around a couple of indulgences (for example, we went to an annual festival last month. I had a light breakfast, ribbon fries and fried cheese and cheesecake on a stick there, and a light sandwich with veggies for dinner when we got home. That, combined with all the walking, and I still lost weight that day.)

Great question! For me, alcohol = poor choices. I think I would go and have a great time, but make very wise choices. I would abstain from the drinking, but that's just me. If you think you can drink and still make choices you won't regret, then go for it.

I hear what you're saying about being sick of the set backs. That's how I'm feeling right now. The question is...how sick of them are you? If you're truly fed up and you can't go without indulging, then I would just pass it up and go the following year. I know that sounds harsh, but I don't think I could go and not have regrets. If I knew I could go and bring my own food and maybe just taste the best things and not have it do a number on my psyche, then I'd go.

Sorry, I'm not even making sense. The point is, I'd just make sure I do whatever I won't regret. Life's too short for those! :)

I wouldn't skip it...no way. Go and enjoy!

I do have a question though...are all the girls going to this "night out" obese? Do any of them (except you) care about their figures or health? If not...yikes, it's gonna be a hard on the hips night. But if so, if just one girl there is a normal weight...follow her lead. Eat whatever she eats... Eat/drink no more than the slimmest girl there.

I used to go to things like this and drink to oblivion and think that everyone was eating and drinking as much as me. Now that I have quit drinking and actually watch and remember what other people are doing...well, none of them eat or drink as much as I did. Most people just nibble. No one actually does the eat/drink til you pop thing. My thinking was pretty distorted after a quart of booze.

ETA: Oh and by the way, when I was losing, nothing was splurge worthy...but I wanted the weight GONE. Now, well, a nice size slice of homemade white chocolate raspberry cheesecake or lemon meringue pie are about the only things I think are "worth" going off plan for...Oh and Christmas Dinner ;)

Great question, SouthLake.

I've had a few "planned splurges" that have worked out fine, but I think it's an individual thing whether a person can do it without spiraling off plan.

In the summer of '09, I had the great good fortune to spend a week in Maui. I'm usually pretty frugal, but it was a "recession special" that was so comparatively inexpensive that I practically couldn't afford *not* to go. I tried to "save up" some calories in the few days before my trip, I estimated calories the best I could (including a luau and a couple of restaurant meals), and "paid back" the excess calories after I got home. I didn't have any trouble getting back on plan, and it was definitely worth it.

There's another weekend event that I do twice a year with some friends where there are usually rich foods and desserts. This past spring, there was an Oreo cheesecake that looked really good. Rather than have small slivers of several different pies (which is what some of the people did), I decided that only the Oreo cheesecake was worth it, and it honestly was.

I feel fortunate that I can work these occasional treats into my plan without having trouble getting back on. I'm not as much of a social butterfly as you, so I don't tend to have the problem of these sorts of events piling up.

If you do decide to go, you might want to say ahead of time, "I'm going to have one glass of wine, one small plate of cheese and crackers, and one dessert", then stick to that. You can nurse it long enough not to feel self-conscious. If you find it difficult to do that, it might be worth saying "no" occasionally.

Good luck!

:D Same here! It's gotta be GOOOOOOD to make it worth it. I don't consider crap food 'worth it'.

Hmmm, maybe for an event like this, it's a good time to *bank* some calories???? Perhaps shave 200 to even 300 calories off of your daily caloric intake for a week. Then you'll have a little more room to *safely* add in a small-ish, controlled specific splurge.

Going out and having fun with your friends does not have to always mean unhealthy fatty food! You don't have to have "a lot a lot" of wine, or multiple desserts. Just because these are rituals that you all have associated with the trip before, doesn't mean that it's something you can't change. When you go to do the wine tasting, just take a couple of sips of something that sounds good (just because it's offered, doesn't mean you have to take it :p ). Think about what got you here in the first place. I know that for me it did have to do with making excuses about why I couldn't be "on plan" that day or splurging and letting a gain (from water weight) throw me into a binge spiral for the next week, undoing all of my hard work.

I'm not saying that food shouldn't be enjoyed. I LOVE food. I love cooking and eating and enjoying food. But that doesn't mean that every fun occasion with friends and family should be centered around food. I wouldn't consider someone else's wedding splurge worthy, even IF I was in the bridal party. However, I would consider my own as splurge worthy for sure. Going out to dinner with my husband to our favorite restaurant and having a glass of wine and sharing a dessert to celebrate his return from Afghanistan is splurge worthy to me.

It's your decision about whether to go or not. If I were in your position, without a doubt I would go. I would enjoy the time with my friends and control myself when it comes to food and drinks. In 5, 10, 20 years what are you going to remember about the trip? Is it the food? Or is it the time you're enjoying with your friends?

The thing is, there are SO many events in our life - holidays galore and than of course - all the additional social events and food opportunities, not to mention weekends, work place, stress, etc. It is a never ending stream of food *challenges*. If we deemed each one as splurge worthy occasions, or heck even every third one, we would not be able to lose the weight and keep it off.

Being a health minded person is a 365 days a years commitment. Even if we weren't to count calories for those times, trust me, your body WILL. The idea is to learn how to navigate a healthy lifestyle within, well - life.

Of course being a health minded person and adhering to a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean that you have to eat healthy 100 percent of the time. There is some room for said splurges, but they must be minimal and spaced far apart. And the other thing is - rethink what a splurge is, rethink what a treat is.

But this really says it all:

We place too much emphasis on food and not enough emphasis on the really important things - people, friends, relationships, fun, laughter...

As always, you guys have been wonderuflly brilliant and insightful. To clarify- for me, going off plan never involves bingeing or going crazy with things so to speak, just a meal or two that, while reasonably portioned, doesn't fit with my day to day plan. I never have problems getting back on track, it's just that my body seems to think that the two pounds of water weight from a poor meal choice should take an entire week to lose.

To answer a few of the questions- it's a mixed event of men and women, some of whom are healthy weights, some of whome are overweight, etc. Following any one person's particular lead is going to lead to disaster since nobody is moderate there :)

For the weddings- one of them had amazing food that I have dreamed about ever since and would eat all over again(mushroom and brie wellington? I had never heard of such a thing but man is it delicious!). Two of them were in the same weekend, and in different states (one of which I was day of coordinating!), so those were both more of a poor planning/time crunch, the other I ate very moderately at but still options I wouldn't normally eat (pasta, it was what was there and a 3 hour drive away), the other one I was also coordinating and I also ate very moderate portions but wasn't going to turn down a little sliver of wedding cake. In retrospect, most of it was poor planning in advance coupled with bad decision making.

For this weekend, I've decided to go. I'm going to skip out on breakfast. (there is literally nothing there that isn't huge and served with a big as your head tasty biscuit) I'm still finding myself in the place in between "I can't stand to stall my weightloss even for a day or two!" and "But, this is something I really look forward to and love!" If I do decide to indulge a little, I'll taste at one winery (where I only really like the whites, so even fewer to taste there!) and maybe a super super small sip of anything from another winery that DH decides to buy. I'll bring my own snacks, and I rearranged the car situation to drive so I won't feel awkward doing so (plus driving= super good reason not to drink much wine at all.) As for the desserts- it was inbetween the apple cobbler and apple donut. Both of which are so tasty that I literally crave them specifically randomly throughout the year. (there's a big apple festival thing going on at the same time) The cobbler is delicious but not served hot. So, it's out. The donut, when served hot, is mind blowing, and so I will split one with the hubs. If cold, probably not.

Thanks again for your insight ladies. You saved me from missing out on something that I love and smacked a little sense in to me

I think your plan excellently balances a desire to keep on track with doing the things you really love!

And drool-worthy wedding food?? I'm impressed!

Robin, thank you for this! I needed to hear it today . . . and since I'm a slow learner, I think I'm probaly going to print it out so I can come back to it over and over again. :)

Having been overweight, well, always, I feel like I have to relearn everything. It's a pain in the neck. But it's also what's going to keep me from re-gaining the weight I've lost and going back to my terribly unhealthy lifestyle.

I don't count any event as splurge-worthy during this weightloss phase. I wouldn't find getting back on plan easy. I'm really passionate about continuing to enjoy life though, I just find it much more rewarding to do when I can enjoy life and not spoil my diet at the same time. :)

The cupcake I had today was worth it. My oldest son and his wife are 5 months pregnant and they showed up at work with this cupcake, the color of the center is the sex of the baby, so I had to eat the darn thing to find out! Actually the cupcake was cute, white frosting with pearl sprinkles white on the outside with a pink center. All done in a cute decorative box with a ribbon and cute card, that said, boy or girl?

It's a girl!

Part of my success with weight loss and so far in maintenance (I'm still a maintenance newbie) is regular planned free-for-all cheat days. I'm not talking about "cheating" and getting a burger but no fries. I mean I get the bacon double stacked burger with fries and a shake. And the whole DAY is a free for all, so I can eat whatever I want before and after that. I don't count and I don't care. These are PLANNED days, as in a few weeks in advance, and generally do not happen more than once a month.

A few things that have made the list for me are:
- cupcakes, cookies, candy, frozen yogurt....on the same day
- Chinese buffet (2 or 3 plates, mind you)
- Five Guys burger and fries
- Olive Garden all you can eat pasta

You get the idea, when I splurge, I do it right. Go big or go home.

BUT, every time I have splurged completely shamelessly, I feel awful afterwards. Not guilty, because it's a guilt-free day, but physically ill. I eat too much and the sugar rush and crash or the grease brick in my stomach just makes me regret the whole thing. So over the last few months, I find myself making more and more modest decisions. Sure, I'll eat Chinese buffet, but I naturally only desire one plate. It's above and beyond my daily calories, but that's okay, it's a cheat day. But instead of the crazed eat eat eat mentality, I just have my treat, but I desire it in moderation and rarely.

I've explained it dozens of times on here. I can't do the mini "cheat" treats throughout the week. Allowing myself to eat one fun size candy bar, but only one, every single day would be absolute mental torture for me. I can do without any candy bars or bites of treat foods for weeks, but on my cheat day, you better believe I'll eat what I want. And as I said, what I want is much more moderate than what I used to want.

mkendrick, I do something very similar.

Since hitting maintenance, I have not upped my daily caloric intake. I keep it the same. My extra calories come from *splurges* and they're not daily or even weekly. I too can't be bothered or have no desire for a little splurge here or there.

I look at my social calender for the month ahead, see what's going on and decide where I will have a MAJOR splurge. As in several things. For me, it's important (vital) to have my splurges away from home, still keeping my home a safe haven. It's usually at a social event or when I'm away with friends for a few days. Sometimes it's on a holiday. Funny enough, it's never on my birthday. That's my day to be extra good to myself and for me, that means eating exceptionally well.

I have also learned to scale these days down. My stomach just doesn't have the same capacity (thank G-d) that it used to. I get full and uncomfortable VERY quickly. I've learned to pace myself. I still have to be choosy because there are many things that are not worth it to me and like I said, I get full quickly, so there's only so much *off* foods I could possibly get down me in one day.

An event such as the OP described, now that I'm in maintenance mode, would most likely be one of these planned splurge days for me.

rockinrobin, I'm the same way!!!

I plan my splurges on holidays, weddings, parties and other such events. I prefer to have them on special occasions because I can keep the mental barrier between rare special occasions and "just because" splurges. "Just because" splurges can start happening more and more often while special occasions are just that, special. I still eat the same amount of calories as I did when I was losing and remain quite content on it. I loosen up a bit on weekends and eat around maintenance. Still count and stay on plan, but this is when I'll get a frozen yogurt or a restaurant meal with friends or something.

And I learned the hard way a few times about having a smaller stomach capacity. I still had the hungry eyes of my old self, ate too quickly, and was in pain once it all got to my stomach.

Interesting thoughts on splurging. I know that's going to be a problem for me, so reading everyone's strategies is making me think about my own approach. I'm definitely not considering just any occasion splurge worthy but I also don't think I am the person who can just cut them out completely.
I've already got one splurge on the calendar... :lol:
I'm going back to the US to visit friends, etc in a couple weeks and since I left there 14 months ago, the only thing I have really been craving from time to time was the Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. I think that's just about the worst thing you can crave, but I know I'm going to have one just once while I'm there.

Definitely not worth the splurge: Buffet food.

Splurge worthy: Really, really good sushi.

Not to hijack the thread, but the funny thing about doing all of my major splurges at social events, therefore in front of everyone (what a switch from back in the day) well you wouldn't believe the looks and yes comments that I get. "How in the world did you lose all that weight eating like THAT?" "OMG, I can't believe you eat so much?" "That's allowed on your diet???"

And then on the flip side, like I said I pick and choose which events I'll splurge at, so if there's more than one in a short time, at other events I'll stick to really healthy foods and eat very lightly. Then I'll hear, "no wonder you stay so slim, you eat nothing", "well that's why I can't lose weight - I could never eat like that", "you gotta live".

The food police. The absolute worst part of losing 165 lbs in front of every one's eyes. Oh well.

Anyway, that's why you can't get a good picture of someones diet by judging one or two meals. So when I hear things like, "she eats so much and never gains weight", "she's got a great metabolism" - yeah, you're not seeing what she's doing all those other times.