Why do I do this to myself??
 

I know people post things like this all the time, but I guess I just need to vent.

Last April/May I was down about 15lbs. Was doing so good with my eating.. doing calorie counting, and was even exercising. What happened? This summer came (I'm a teacher) and I just quit trying. Gained back all my progress.

So I recently have been trying again... lost about 5lbs. And AGAIN have been hurting my progress. I may even be up a pound or two.

I make good choices at the grocery store... and when my DH is home (he works offshore) I cook and try new meals. But when he is gone is the problem. I will have a rough day at work and tell myself "I really need something to make me feel better" so I will go to Sonic, or McDonalds. Then the next day "well I already screwed up yesterday, so who cares what I eat today"

The thing is I KNOW BETTER... but my mind argues with itself. "Kelli you shouldn't eat this... you are trying to do better". Then its, "Who really cares.. you are fat, get over it" Its like an inner battle with myself. I think I drank enough Dr. Pepper this weekend to give a cow a caffeine overload.

I will even lie about what I ate so my DH won't gripe at me. When I was younger and lived at home I would hide candy in my room. I never thought of myself as having an eating disorder, but maybe there really is something going on there. I need to learn how to control it!

Thanks for listening.

Don't beat yourself up too much. I do that and it doesn't work. :)

How long is your husband gone at a time - days or weeks? Can you set a goal to get in x minutes of activity or something while he's gone? Then when you're pretty active, you might not be as apt to ruin your hard work with fast food. Or pick one meal, once a week, to savor something that you'd like, but right back at it the next meal. Then you're not going off track, as you've planned it and have planned to get on with a healthy breakfast the next morning, etc.

Good luck, Kelli! You have a "do-able" goal for Halloween. Think of how good you'll feel when you reach that point!

Just forgive yourself and move on to a more positive attitude. Beating yourself up isn't going to do any good. It's over. What motivates you? Think about that everytime you want to stray off track. I know it's so hard sometimes, mind frame is EVERYTHING! Good luck. =)

Well, it seems to me it all starts because you think McDonalds is going to make you feel better. And it probably does, for a moment in time, but that passes quickly and soon you're right back to self-loathing.

So, what ELSE makes you feel good? It can even be food, just healthier food.

And if it MUST be from a fast food place, get a salad. The sodium is generally still through the roof, but at least it's lower cal. McD's Southwest Salad doesn't taste too bad.

Or if you really want the fast food, go for a smaller portion. Order a Hamburger Happy Meal (or just the hamburger and small fry). If I'm not mistaken that's a meal under 600 calories at least. You can still treat yourself occasionally without sabotaging yourself.

You are sabotaging yourself because the part of you that loves the junk food doesn't want to give it up.

Suppose a friend of yours had drunk too much, and said, "Well, I'm already drunk, so I might as well keep on drinking." Wouldn't you think that sounded crazy?

If you knew someone who pretended they didn't drink when people were around, but you found out they were sneaking to the liquor store and drinking alone in their car, wouldn't you think that sounded crazy?

It is crazy. It's the kind of twist that happens when one is addicted.

It's not your fault--those junk foods are made to make you want more. You might want to read THE END OF OVEREATING by David Kessler, which explains what sorts of foods are addictive. You might also want to read THE BECK DIET SOLUTION by Judith Beck, which can help you to come up with ways to counter those voices that are telling you you're fat and there's nothing you can do. You can probably get both of these at the library, or used from online bookstores.

Good luck!
Jay

He is gone every other week. And you are right... if I get myself into something while he is gone, when he is home I would want to stick with it. And it would be AWESOME to make that mini-goal by Halloween. Thank you!

As far as motivation.. I really want to have a baby. I know I need to become more healthy before that happens!

You're right... and I know its not worth feeling bad after. I am an art teacher and I love to draw and paint. Completing something makes me feel good. I need to spend less time with the TV! I am going to work on it!

It is crazy! And I do feel like I'm fighting an addiction. Food is something I think about.. a LOT. I crave things. And yes those foods are made to make you want them.

Thank you for the book suggestions. I am going to find both of them.

Thank you for the advice guys. I really am taking it to heart. :hug:

You sound like you're in a better place now.

I can tell you from personal experience, when I was alone-- these were the times I was most likely to 'slip' when I was quitting smoking. For some reason I had the mindframe that if no one 'caught' me, it never really happened.

I don't know if thats what you were doing or not. But we both know that it counts whether anyone sees it or not!:D

I hope you have a great week! :hug:

If you're an artist, how about creating some awesome pieces when you feel the urge to eat something you shouldn't? Trade one behavior for another! I am an artist too, and I know from experience that is one of the easiest things for me to get lost in--plus if I'm using oil paints, the paint thinner can make me sick to my stomach so then I really don't want to eat! LOL!

Yes that is what I was doing! And it does count.. my hips got bigger.. haha. And thank you! :hug:


I do get totally lost in it.. and lose track of time. Once I get started on something I want to finish it. I guess thats why I don't do it as much. Maybe I should make goals with it? Or set an amount of time. And YES on the paint thinner. The smell is horrible... I woulnd't want eat at all! :dizzy::D