I think the cognitive dissonance resulting from

1. wanting something so desperately (to be healthy and fit) but not consistently doing the things I need to do to make that happen (healthy eating and exercising)
2. wanting to believe something so much (that I love and care for myself and my wellbeing) but treating myself with such hatred, violence, and disregard (the way my binges feel to me) that it makes that impossible (for me) to believe

(has begun to) is killing me faster than the poison masquerading as food that I have been (am) addicted to. (What have I been doing to myself? And why?)

And I'm tired of dying. I'm finally tired of dying. I want to live. I want my life back. Good God it feels great to say that. And I am grateful.

Anyone else ever feel this way?

I'm back on plan today. Going for goal. Not going to stop until I get there. And this time, and from now on, that means dealing with the setbacks that come with this kind of challenge and journey (like not letting a failure of falling off plan temporarily turn into an unending deadly tailspin). I will not be done in this time, by myself of all people.

Great Determination -- so important!
And total faith in whatever plan you are following -- So important!
All the best to you!

one of my mantras is: i choose life!

love your attitude and congrats on turning that corner.

Thanks all. I feel good.

Tell me about cognitive dissonance, please. It rings bells for what I'm doing in the rest of my life (the weightloss is going fine). Even just the term has lit a little candle.....

I feel like that often, and like you, I'm sick and tired of it. Let's choose life (great mantra, xty, I think I'll adopt it).

Fireflying - earlier this year I met someone who reminded me that I dont have to spend the rest of my life paying for the mistakes, abuses, traumas from the first half.

I can be free. I can choose. Wow is it hard to remember I have that choice instead of being leashed by my past, but each time I choose life it makes it easier to choose life the next time too.