What to do when diet and exercise aren't working enough?
The journey to get on the schedule I'm on has been very hard, before this I was very inactive with a desk job, and a study schedule that kept me sitting most of my days. I'm working very hard and I'm not getting results. My scale never goes below 139 lbs.
I consume 1200 a day. 2 days a week I dance for 1.5 hours either aerobic or high paced ballet. I do calisthenics for 30 mins-1 hour every day. 3 days a week I jog at 5 mph for 30 mins-1 hour. I walk at 3-4 mph for 30+ mins a day. And now I am at a job where I am constantly walking and on my feet, but no impact has been made.
I'm clearly more muscular - this is the first time in my life I have ever had muscle definition - but my pant size remains the same.
What more can I do? It is very disheartening. I've worked so hard.
But this, is only one half of my pain...
I was overdosed on steriods for arthritis, by a doctor who was filling in for my regular one while she was out of town. I did not know this man, and he in his hand writing on his notes changed the drug type and amount. What was injected into a small joint with little arthritis as a preventative measure, turned out to be a stronger medication of the max dose for the largest joint in the body. I had a heart attack, I became diabetic (went away as soon as drugs cleared my system), my heart rate was constantly at 160bpm even after lying down for 30 minutes, I got facial hair, steroid acne, and my face became a perfect circle shape. I remember laying down on the floor and not being able to see the TV over my swollen cheeks.
I gained weight so fast my skin appeared to rip. I have stretch marks as large as 2" wide and 9" long covering my stomach, upper thighs, and upper arms. Even my fat tissue was ripped, and there are obvious protruding areas where fat remains and where I am scar tissue down to the muscle. It does not look like a small stretch mark, but more like I was cut into with a knife many times over. Each scar indents into my skin and the thin skin there sags.
I was 16 and my life was filled with my peers bringing cow bells to school and even my teachers calling me fat.
I lost 50 lbs in 3 months after the drugs went away, but now my weight will not level out. I am now 20. At work my boss asks me to wear a long sleeve shirt under my short sleeved uniform to hide my scars even during the hottest days of summer (this has happened at the last 4 jobs), because if I don't I am constantly bombarded with questions of if I was in a fire, attacked by a wild animal, or they will ask my boss if I burned myself with acid.
I hate knowing I need to buy shirts and pants 1 size up to accommodate for the size of my stomach, upper arms and upper thighs, and I have to get them tailored to the non effected parts else the clothing looks strange. The rest of my body isn't affected. Most people can't tell because I will only wear long pants and long shirt, but I know. The days I have waited and finally built up courage to go outside in a tank and shorts with everyone else enjoying the 80 degree weather, were met with hurtful remarks from strangers that kept me hidden again.
That's really amazing how that happened with the steroids... what did the doctor say when it happened?? I mean, what the ****?
I know they can do that... my mom gained a BUNCH of weight and quickly after taking some steroid shots for her spine and I've suspected a lot of my weight gain as a child occurred after I was put on steroids for my asthma.
As for hiding scars, I know how you feel in some ways too. When I was 17 I got my ear pierced and it got infected. Aside from the massive blood infection that came with it that almost killed me, I ended up having to have two surgeries on it to save it (and my life), and by time everything was said and done, I only had the top half of my ear left, and what was left looked like someone had taken a candle to an ear made out of wax and it melted, then re-cooled into this bunched up looking shape. This being my senior year of high school, I'm sure you can kinda guess how I felt. I HATE wearing my hair down all the time, because I get hot easily, and I always had to wear my hair down. Whenever I didn't someone would ask me about my ear and sometimes not so nicely. The worst were little kids, who would go as far as climbing onto my lap and saying loudly "UGGGGGH! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EAR?!?!" Everyone's head would whip around and I would feel like sinking into the ground and not coming back... My depression started then, and for years I drank, drugged, and cut my pain away. I became such a bad cutter that I almost killed myself on accident a few years later.... and to this day I have to live with white scars all up and down my arms and even some on my legs. I doubt they'll ever resemble anything other than what they are. People always noticed them, and even commented. Even once I'd quit cutting, I'd still find myself making sure my arms weren't in a position for a person to see if they were talking to me.
But now that I'm older, it's better. The thing is.... the scars are still there. These type of scars will never go away...... but once I got through more things, grew up a bit and really REALIZED how much worse life could be and how hard others have other than me.... I quit worrying about what others thought about my scars. My scars are part of me, testimony to my battle in this thing we call Life. They are my warrior marks... badges of courage that prove to the world that I am strong enough to get through anything it sends my way. I don't go out of my way to hide them anymore, though I won't show them on purpose..... but if someone asks me about them, I just shrug, smile at them and say "Life was tough when I was younger. I went through some serious crap." They usually just nod and get on with it, cos most people understand that. Everyone has their scars.... its just that they're in different places..... under their clothes, or in their heart. And weirdly enough, the funny thing is that once I quit worrying so much about my scars, and what others thought.... less and less people noticed them. They haven't changed, but my attitude has and that seems to have made a difference.
PS - I consider my crazy stomach stretch marks scars too! They are the scars that symbolize my struggle against today's bad eating habits and unhealthy attitudes! I'm happy to say I haven't added any new scars recently... and hopefully that's definitely the way it'll stay!
Last edited by starfishkitty; 09-17-2010 at 10:59 PM.
I don't really have any wonderful advice to give you but I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.
When I was 11 my appendix ruptured and stuff got crazy infected.
Instead of a small scar I have a 10 inch scar that vertically dissects my
lower abdomen. It is a huge, ugly, raised scar that basically took away my belly button and looks hideous.
For some reason it also causes my belly to be uneven- like if I look down at
it the left side of my stomach is much larger than the right.
I am extremely self-conscious when wearing any sort of tight fitting shirt and
never allow my stomach to be seen.
In no way is my scar equal to what yours sound like- but I think I understand a little of how you feel.
Starfishkitty was totally right- they are warrior marks! I love that!
They are also part of your life story and a testament to what you have been through- and you do not owe anyone an explanation for what is on your body, ever.
I hope that things work out for you in terms of your diet situation.
I'm not sure what to say about the battle scars from your youth.
The weight loss will come with time. You're seeing the physical changes happening in your body. One of nature's cruel tricks is seeing that things are changing, but the scale stays the same. Everyone experiences it at one point or another. Hang in there. The scale will eventually budge.
I think you need to eat more for the amount of exercise you are doing. When you don't eat enough, you can stall your weight loss. Scars - I have one from front to back that nearly dissets me in half due to kidney sugery. This is bisected by a vertical scar 12 inches long from and intestinal obstruction. I have scars from gaining weight too fast. Heck, these are just medals of honor because I have survived. I'm willing to pay the price of losing weight with the flabby skin in places.
I have scars, stretch marks really. I went from 135lb to 185 with one pregnancy, lost the weight and went from 140lb to 205lb with the next pregnancy. My second baby was 9.3lb and I had severe water retention that cause me to have edema pretty much everywhere. It stretched me out so much worse than just being pregnant would have. My belly, thighs, breasts and hips were all stretched to the max. I think I've just come to a point of acceptance more than anything, it's hard to be depressed about the things you can't change.
I was born with an ear thing, it's called microtia and I have the more severe form of it, when I was a kid, before I had it surgically removed it looked a bit like a peanut. Basically what you'd think an undeveloped ear would look like, I had an implant for a prosthetic done surgically when I was 12 against my mom's wishes, but I wanted anything to be normal. Everyone in my family believes it happened while she was pregnant with me, she's always been a drinker.
I have to agree that you're probably not eating enough for the amount of exercise you do. I know it sounds crazy, but it causes you to hold on to excess fat for the famine it thinks it will experience. Especially belly fat. Cortisol causes you to store it in the belly more often, which would be great if we still lived hunter/gatherer style (work all day just for meals, running away from big animals or other dangers) but we don't.
Vitamin E oil helps. Rub it onto the scars every day, twice a day, with a cotton ball. You have to apply pressure, enough to feel it but don't rub your skin raw. The rubbing can help break down some of the scar tissue underneath.
I hurt for you. I know you are in pain. I was misdiagnosed with Asthma in college. My crazy doctors had me on 9 medications a day! Included in that mix- high doses of steroids. I went from a healthy 120 pounds to 170 almost overnight. I became depressed because I felt horrible on the drugs, could not exercise, and could not stop eating. It was a viscious cycle that I am still fighting today. I did however, wake up out of my depression, started researching on my own, told my docs to stuff it, and took myself off the meds. I have been off the meds for 5 years now and no lung problems whatsoever! It takes worl to make peace with yourself! You can do it. We are here for you!
Last edited by leeshalulu; 09-20-2010 at 11:32 AM.
What to do now? Is there hope?
My depression started then, and for years I drank, drugged, and cut my pain away. I became such a bad cutter that I almost killed myself on accident a few years later.... and to this day I have to live with white scars all up and down my arms and even some on my legs. I doubt they'll ever resemble anything other than what they are. People always noticed them, and even commented. Even once I'd quit cutting, I'd still find myself making sure my arms weren't in a position for a person to see if they were talking to me.
