Fear Of Feeling Lighter?
 

After a single day of only being somewhat back on plan with food, (after weeks and weeks of frighteningly unhealthy and destructive binges), I can feel my stomach starting to recede, even if only slightly, and I feel lighter, even if only slightly. And though that lighter feeling is something that I desperately want, and sometimes love, I find that I am afraid of it.

It stands out (the fear) even more since it (the feeling lighter) is so slight right now. Seven and a half weeks radically off plan (miserable, horrible time), gained back all that was originally lost, plus some. Not totally on plan for food today, and still have not exercised. But I can still feel, am still aware of, the receding of my stomach (however slight) and the lessening of the extreme swelling and bloating. And I can clearly feel fear attached to that. And anxiety.

It's counterintuitive, to fear something that I want so much (feeling lighter, healthier), something that is a marker of health and progress. And I don't understand it.

Has anyone else felt this? How did you deal with it? How did you keep it from preventing you from moving towards health and success with your plan?

I fear that I will have will have PP depression once I am thinner; like I will miss the bigger me. It's weird what I feel....but I understand what you mean. :hug:

I don't know, when I have that lighter feeling I also have an insane amount of energy and feel a bit more alert. I also like to think it's weight loss kicking in and I'm getting the food under control, so I enjoy the feeling.

Maybe the "fear" is really a case of anxiety. Once a person quits self-medicating with food, they can really start to "feel" things that were once sedated by the opiate effect of many carbs and dairy products. So the anxiety kicks in and person doesn't understand it and calls it fear instead of what it really is.

Just a thought...When I finally got on the wagon my anxiety kicked in full boar for several months. It's finally better. Even though anxiety can feel like fear, it is what it is.

I think Lori Bell hit the nail on the head. I know what you are saying about fearing being thinner... but I think it may be anxiety. I have been feeling anxiety all week and I have dealt with it by eating... (Bad Sherri, bad! *slaps own wrist*)

It's like I don't know how to immediately deal with my anxiety and if I become thin and don't use food... then what?

I think, for me, there is also a little fear of failure. Fear of change. Fear of unknown. Can I really do this? Is it even possible? How will my body look after? Will it be hard to maintain?

I think everyone here is dead on. I too am afraid, afraid to get on the scale, afraid to try on clothes that were once too tight..........Food was my comfort and it is like taking off your water wings for the first time and jumping in the water...It isn't just about changing what you eat, we also need to work on changing the way we think....Grab that fear by the horns and wrestle it to the ground!! We ALL can do this!!!

Thank you all so much. :) I really appreciate the help.

Thank you for this, I think you’re right. I had included anxiety, but I think I may have been thinking of it as part of or connected to the fear, but maybe it’s more central than that. Maybe it is the main issue.

Lori Bell, you are an inspiration, truly. How did you deal with the anxiety so you could consistently stay on plan, and get to goal, and stay in maintenance? It really helps to know that others dealt with this and made it to the other side, so thank you. :)

I have noticed that sometimes when I am eating clean or exercising that I may be more likely to then want to drink, and that if I try to avoid that for health or calorie reasons, then I may be more likely to find some kind of “medication.” I don’t stick with the drinking or medication for long (maybe a few days to a week or two), but then I do go back to the sugar and binges.

Yes, I need to figure this out, too. How to deal with the anxiety if I'm not going to have the "drug" effect of the sugar. I think I need to find ways to deal with it soon, or I won't even be able to get to the "thin" part. ;)

What do all of you do to successfully deal with any anxiety/fear you may have so it doesn’t prevent you from getting healthy?

Thanks again. :)

listen to IOWL podcast and do the hw.

For a little while, I tried seeing a shrink - that helped. But I started to feel more anxiety about how I was going to afford to keep going and I was getting into a good routine with eating and exercise, so I stopped going.

I was just thinking yesterday that I need to get back to a book I was reading.

Some people take a walk or do some yoga to relax.

I beg my hubby to rub my shoulders a lot (poor thing... I ask him a lot and he is so good to me).

I find arts and crafts to be very therapuetic.

I am thinking about digging out my journal again. That was helpful.

TEA. Hot tea is great. I like black tea. Hubby likes green. I get the Real Lemon or Real Orange. (no calories) and it is so yummy and soothing. Now that the hot summer weather is over, I can get back to that.

I take a Zumba class on Tuesday nights with a whole bunch of friends... It is AWESOME! We all love it. We get to see each other. And there is no more stress or anxiety after shakin' my booty for an hour to upbeat music. Then I get to drive home and listen to my iPod.

huh?

Thank you all, for all of these suggestions.

I kept this thread in mind the other day when I was feeling anxious. Knowing that other people are out there dealing with anxiety and finding healthy, non-destructive ways to deal with it was really helpful.

SCraver, you have a great arsenal of things, thanks for that great list! I did some arts and crafts a few days ago. :)

I get this sometimes too. I get anxious about losing it only to gain it back...which has unfortunately happened many times. Another issue is that I once got very sick and it was at a time that I just happened to be skinny. I ended up associating being skinny with being sick in a way that is beyond my control. To make matters worse, I also had a horrible boyfriend that forced me into something I said no to (if you know what I mean) and I also happened to be quite thin at the time. I associate thin with trouble, even though I want it so very very much. That probably explains why I keep putting the weight back on....it's like a safety shield that I detest.

Wow, this is the first time I really thought about this in such a simple way. I always felt it but I never fully noticed it consciously. Wow.

I hope this realization will make it less likely that I'll have to ever go through this again. I'm getting pretty tired of the struggle.

I'm not afraid of being lighter but I am afraid of being thinner.
1. I feel people expect less of me when I'm fat, and are (usually) pleasantly surprised to find I'm kind, witty, intelligent etc (modest too hee hee). When I'm thin(ner) I'll be on an even playing field with everyone else.
2. I have bouts of depression where I feel like I'm ceasing to exist. I haven't felt like it in a long time but I haven't been thinner in a long time. I'm scared to find out if the correlation is there.

I think one thing that has helped me is to know, even though it seems obvious, that you have to want to get healthy for your self. About 15 years ago I lost approx. 150 pounds for all the wrong reasons. I thought, stupidly, that if I lost the weight all would be right with the world. I didn't realize that it wasn't the world I should be concerned with it should of been my self and especially my health. I didn't think about all the truly wonderful things that getting healthy would bring. I concentrated on, well I'm not exactly sure but it wasn't really a healthy outlook. After I got to my goal weight I didn't know "how to be". I lost the weight with "white knuckled determination" but that got very old when I hit goal weight and realized I could not white knuckle it forever. So, I'm sure you can guess I gained it all back but this time I am much calmer about the weight loss. I take it very, very seriously but I know that this commitment is for a lifetime.

Like many have said food is a great "medication" for anxiety, loneliness, etc. It has been my drug of choice for as long as I can remember. It is very seductive because it is instant relief but I think now that I am older and hopefully a little wiser(?) I am realizing instant gratification is not all what it is cracked up to be.

skygirl, thanks for the thread it was helpful to review these things with myself, also.