Hi there everyone,

I'm pretty new to the forums here, but already I feel the difference just with the attitude of those who offer support and the daily posts made by all the members are just so loving and genuine!

I need some help with helping my mom get on track. She's around 5'2 and probably weighs around 175-180 pounds. I remember when I was littler, she tried weight watchers, and that worked a little for her, but she ended up stopping and the weight came back. I eat healthy foods and watch my diet/calories religiously, and it's not that I'm obsessed with my weight, I'm very happy with the way I look and am hoping to try to find my "sweet spot" for maintaining my 5'3 1/2 and 123 pound figure. She tells me she wishes she could eat like me, and when I offer to help and set out an eating plan for her she tells me that she "isn't like me, and doesn't have my determination and restraint".

I WANT her to be healthier, and I WANT her to love the way she looks, but I can't make her eat better and exercise more. She's getting older, and I know the risk of heart attack is growing everyday, especially because on her side of the family we have extremely high blood pressure and cholesterol. I love her, and I don't want anything to happen that might threaten her life.

How should I suggest/push her to become healthier? I know she wants to, she just doesn't have much drive to get her there...

Suggestions and comments are greatly appreciated, thanks.

You can't force her. Only one person can decide to make the change and obviously, that is your mom.

That doesn't mean that you can't nudge her in the right direction. See if she will exercise with you. Share some healthy recipes with her.

If she wants to get healthier, but just doesn't have the drive.........I think she will in time. We all do in time. A person has to be 100% mentally in this game and ready to do it. If you're not, you will never succeed.

Just keep hinting about........she'll come around.

Make her hang out here on 3FC......if the chicks (and guys) here don't give her incentive to try, I don't know what will........they are a godsend to me.

I agree with Cheryl. You are being a great example for your mom in eating healthy and maintaining a healthy weight. She will either get some self-motivation, or she won't. You are doing the best you can do.

You can continue to be a good example for your mother and a source of information, but you can't do anything to help her or push her into your way of thinking. Your mother has to want this for herself and be willing to put the effort into it and that includes making different food choices.

It's difficult to sit back and watch someone who is overweight not be intrested in losing, but it's all we can do. If we try too hard to help, it can result in that person to gain even more.

Unfortunately SHE has to be the one to want those things, because and I quote you - "I can't make her eat better and exercise more".

Someone has to want this badly enough to be willing to do what's necessary to make it happen.

I think what you're doing is great. Hopefully she will follow your lead and see how happy, energetic and healthy you are and she will want to emulate you and your good eating behaviors.

You've offered your help; sadly I don't think there is anything much more you can do but to keep on doing what you're doing.

I am in the same position as my mom is extremely overweight and it breaks my heart.

Furthermore, if you try to influence her too much, it will feel like you are trying to manipulate her, and that turns her weight/eating into a power struggle between the two of you--which is more likely to drive her to eat than to be healthy. Keep the topic of weight loss as emotion-free as possible so that when/if she's ready for advice, she CAN come to you.

What you can do, however, is not enable her: if she wants you to make her feel better about eating, you can refuse to play that game. So if she wants to go to McDonalds at the mall, don't change your eating plan to make her feel better about hers. If she says "Christmas calories have no calories, right?", say back "I wish my butt knew that!". If she says "I am not strong enough" say 'I know you're stronger than me. You [whatever]." Basically, don't encourage or reinforce her behavior, but keep it positive and light. And don't bring up her weight out of the blue. Don't make faces when she orders a cheeseburger. She's plenty aware.

I can tell you love your mom, but your best bet is to stay out of it. Don't try to change her to fit what you think she should be. Imagine if the tables were turned and she was on you all the time about your eating. How would you feel?

Love your mom for who she is and be there to support her if she wants help.

Jay

I know you want to help her but how much she weighs is none of your business. Just like how much you weigh is none of anyone else's business.