Neither, but insuts are not called for.

I really appreciate everyone responding to this. I have noticed something about myself through all of your responses. I have noticed that it is actually very hard for me to accept anything positive about myself. I have tried before to tell myself you can do this, you will succeed, you want to be healthy and strong. For a while I believe it, and then I always go back to the negative self talk. It is not coming from anyone really but myself.

I am not trying to be all psychological here, but when I was young my Dad used to comment on my weight. I really started becoming obsessed about it as a result. I read diet books and exercised starting at 10 years old.

When I got older my dad quit making comments, and I was with a guy that liked me no matter what size. I gained weight.

Now, I am with a guy that does care. He is not mean about it, and he doesn't want me to be stick thin, but he does want me to lose weight.
My obsession has reoccurred all over again. Yet, I am so depressed about my weight, that I think it is stopping me from success.

I am realizing actually as I am typing this just how hard on myself I am. I find myself remembering every hurtful thing that my father or anyone has ever said about my weight.

I don't know why I am doing this. I know I need to be positive and love myself, but for some reason I can't.

I think that you were very hurt by your dad's comments on your weight and now you are feeling unlovable because your bf is reinforcing those feelings.
As long as people are in effect criticizing you, your self esteem plummets and you feel helpless. You self esteem will rise once you have some positive weight loss experiences. You will get on a roll and be proud of your progress.
But you must take the first step which is action. Start your diet and exercise program. Each pound lost will be a victory. You don't have a huge amount to lose. You can do it and your life will be happier. Do this FOR YOU --not your dad or bf. I hope to see some positive posts from you in the near future!

Actually, you already made your "first step" - you put into words, put into language, a situation that you have never consciously grasped that occurred to you while growing up .... and have now connected that event to the present (you see the repetition). That step, in itself, is very important.

How will you proceed? Maybe you should try to create a new, more objective view of what weight loss means to you.... you want it to feel better, to achieve better health, etc. Possibly divorcing weight loss from your father, from your partner, will relieve some of the depression and anxiety. Just an idea.

Also, kaplods had a wonderful comment - really enjoyed reading about the study of negative/positive imaginings in a relationship.

Insults have never been motivating to me. Some scared, fat, weepy part of me accepts them as my due. Compliments I smile and say "thank you" for, but have not really succeeded in "accepting" truly.

As someone else said, pain is my main motivator. My tendinitis is so bad I can barely walk some days. My knees hurt. And when I was dx as pre-diabetic earlier this year, and I began doing research on diabetes complications.... well, that put the fear of God into me!

However I got started, though, that fear will not be enough to keep me going. Especially as the pain begins to ease. I'm finding ways to congratulate and motivate myself... even if it's as simple as eating only half my bowl of chili when we go to Hard Times cafe, or choosing the chicken over the burger at Red Robin. LEarning to give myself credit for the on-plan things I do, and not beating myself up over being off-plan, but rather analyzing the behavior to determine what to do next time that situation arises... those have become my primary motivators now.