This. I've often wanted to say words of encouragement to people I see trying to get fit/lose weight, but don't because I don't want to embarass them. I've always thought that if I ever did say something though I would preface it by letting them know that I was once in there shoes. But don't be embarassed, be proud of yourself, you are doing a good job!

I am with you in that it might have made me a little self conscious but part of what keeps a LOT of people from working out or getting exercise is fear of what other people think. It's great that she reached out to you so now you know, not only are people probably not thinking negatively, they're rooting you on!

I have to ask this, just because I am curious:

If the woman had a visible weight problem, or was not conventionally attractive (as she sounds in your post), would the comment be less bothersome?

Because I think there is a fat sisterhood. [By that, I mean I used to feel more comfortable with a stranger who was about my weight & build.] And there's also an athletic sisterhood. [Now if I'm walking to the gym in my exercise clothes & I see a runner going by, I feel a silent moment of kinship & I make sure I am out of the runner's intended path.)

You may have just caught yourself in a moment when you crossed over from membership in one & now have also joined the second. Transitions are always awkward, aren't they?

I had a somewhat analogous experience two years ago. Before my foot problems got bad, I ran in a local park. I had worked my way up from walking, to speedwalking, to jogging intervals, to running all the way. The faces in the park were familiar. (Well, actually, I got to know the dogs that were regularly walked there before the people. The people kinda look the same; the dogs never do.)

A lady who always walked a shih-tzu stopped me once & said, "I just want to tell you, you're looking great." I took it well, but yes, I was a bit embarrassed. This woman had seen me progressing & couldn't have helped but notice that I was also losing weight.

After that, we always nodded to each other. I don't know her at all, but she gave me a very treasured NSV.

If you start crossing this woman's path regularly, it may feel okay & less condescending.

Hi again,

Thanks for your responses. I REALLY understand that she meant well. I hope to bump into her again in a few months and see what she thinks. You are all right- compliments should be accepted as compliments. I think what bothered me most was that by complimenting me, she was acknowledging that I am doing something very challenging. I'd rather think that what I'm doing isn't such a big deal, but she is right- this IS a big deal.

And really, when I see people out running, I feel genuine support and admiration for them, especially if it is a heavy runner. Based on that, I know she really meant what she said. I guess it's just hard to have someone quietly acknowledge that you're fat, even if it is through a genuine compliment.

If a hot skinny big boob'd chick had said such nice encouraging things to me, I'd be THRILLED!

I'll come at this as someone who has wanted to go up to women at the gym from time to time and tell them how inspiring their commitment is, how strong their form is, how great it is that they come back day after day, how great they are looking, etc. I don't do it, but I have wanted to. I don't do it because I expect they would feel exactly as encelia did. I just can't see my comments coming off as I mean them to while I'm wearing skin-tight gym clothes with my midriff bare and muscles on display. I never single any woman out, because unless she is in phenomenal shape, she may wonder why and draw conclusions that make her uncomfortable. But, because I have wanted to say something before, and because I have had only good intentions at heart, I suspect the woman who stopped to offer encouragement also had her heart in the right place.

I love the Athletic Sisterhood Theory. I sometimes get people commenting on what I'm doing - on one particularly grueling uphill bike ride, a guy passed me and said "looking good!" I swear that got me up the rest of that hill. Another time a man commented about how I was "very faithful to my afternoon swim" (he lived right on the beach where I swam so he saw me there everyday).

I think that people like to see other people striving for goals.

Also, I bike. It is a million times easier than running (I can't get past Day 1 of C25K). She may have tried running and realized how much work it is.

Please, please, please don't take this the wrong way, but how would you have felt if she said "What the heck are you doing?, You're not in any condition to be running" or if she giggled as you ran by. That is what would have mortified me. Now, I also would have felt a little called out by her actual remark too, but after I thought about it, I would have felt motivated. I can really feel for you, I started walking back in February and in April started adding in jogging intervals to hopefully some day be able to run a 5K. I am not following C25K, but it is the same concept. I recently started doing my intervals on the treadmill because it has just gotten miserably hot and humid here in Atlanta so I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb in the gym running on a treadmill. The entire time I am running I am constantly thinking that other people in the gym are wondering if I will break the machine. In reality they probably barely even notice me. I hope you are feeling better about what happened and we are always here to listen.

I feel your pain. I really don't like going to the gym because I feel like everyone is thinking something along the lines of 'Oh look at that fat girl over there...'. I know that people mean well and try to be encouraging with their comments, but sometimes they just hurt.

I don't like having the extra attention drawn on myself. Already I'm the heaviest and most out of shape person in my boot camp, and I feel pretty self conscious about it. To add insult to injury I herniated two discs in my back two years ago and I just can't do the high impact stuff [jumping around, sprinting, skipping]. I feel like everyone is thinking 'Oh look at that girl, she's so fat and lazy.' But I just do what I can.

As I get smaller I've mostly gotten over being self conscious about it. You know, I'm doing this for me, not anyone else and I just try to forget about them and focus on myself.

I've been on both sides of this fence.

One example (and there are more), a very in shape lady at my gym saw me doing crunches with a weight ball and said: that's a great ab exercise! keep going! I don't think she would have said that to a thin woman, but I wasn't insulted by it.

I don't see it as someone acknowledging that I'm fat exactly, more like they know I have more of a challenge (which I do consider to be true), and want to encourage me. It's difficult to approach this type of subject with a stranger, so I appreciate her thought.

there was a woman who used to come to my gym who was probably about 5 feet tall and I'd guesstimate about 300 lbs. I could see she was having a tough time. I wanted to encourage her and be friendly, not be patronizing, or acknowledge anything about her size, but because I've been to the 330 lb place and I remember so many of the things I experienced that were difficult.

It's too bad it's so hard irl to talk about this subject with other women.

OK, so what can we say to our weight-challenged friends and acquaintances who are trying to improve their situation?

Evidently anything we say to encourage them can and will be taken as offensive.

I've never taken offense to a simple: "I noticed you lost some weight and you look amazing."

This.

Short, simple and sweet. My thing is I spend about 100 percent of my time focused on my weight these days, and although I'll accept any compliment graciously and happily, sometimes I just want to feel like a normal person doing normal things. Y' know? It's complicated and pretty simple at the same time..

I absolutely understand where you're coming from, and not wanting attention is exactly why I have always had such a hard time exercising outdoors (whether it's because I'm a fatty, or because I hate cars full of obnoxious guys honking and hollering and just making things uncomfortable. Ugh *shiver*)

BUT when it comes to just the comment itself.. I try to look at the intent behind things people say. The act of her stopping you and saying anything to you WAS embarrassing, but SHE thought she was encouraging and wanted you to know not everyone is making fun of every overweight person making an attempt at change. I do the same things around the holidays when people wish me (a non-christian) a merry christmas. I don't blow a gasket because I'm not religious, I just take it as they meant it and wish them a good day as well. It was just her (uncomfortable) attempt at encouragement. :)

I used to be embarrassed if people saw me run, especially people that know me. So I ran early in the morning, where I could be sure none of my friends in college were up yet :D I still like running in the morning, but mostly because there are less cars around!

When I run in the afternoon, I interact more with other people that I'm sharing the road with. Once, this cute little old guy said "You go, girl!" in a really upbeat way, so I replied in the same voice, and said "Yeah I am!" It was great, it was a positive exchange on both sides!