It really, really doesn't matter as long as you are consistent and are seeing results.
I mean, I think I eat 1600 calories a day and burn 2400, but I don't really
know--all I really know is that I burn 1.5-2 lbs a week on average, which means that I am burning around 1000 calories a day more than I am consuming. If it turned out my scale was broken and I was actually eating 3000 calories a day (unlikely), I wouldn't suddenly gain weight back--the only way that could possibly be true is if I was also wrong about how many calories I was burning, and I was really burning around 4000.
However you are counting calories, and whatever calculators tell you your numbers SHOULD be, the amount of weight you are losing (on average) IS the size of your deficit. It's the only real data you have--everything else is an estimate based on averages.
So if you are eating more or less the same things (averaged over a week or 10 days) and losing an amount of weight you are comfortable with and not starving/having break out eating, then you have the right size deficit. Everything else is just a tool to figure out that spot.
If you are not losing weight, then you don't have a deficit, even if calculators say you should.