Probably like most of you, I have been dealing with weight issues my entire adult life. I am just prone to gain weight and hold onto it (whether the reason is genetic, environmental, emotional, bad habits, or a combination thereof). After gaining and losing and gaining and losing, I have fianally learned that I have to change my mindset from looking for a quick fix to managing a chronic condition.
For example, diabetics can sometimes "cheat" by having a food that is high in sugar; however, they have to plan for it and they certainly can't do this often or for an extended period of time. They can't just decide to take the day or the week off of their diabetes diet!
To me, obesity is a chronic illness like diabetes (I'm just using diabetes as an example). Studies have shown that the bodies of formerly obese people are not the same as those who have always been thin. Apparently, the body always wants to go back to its former heavier self. No, it's not fair, but neither are many other health problems.
So my "cheats" are now with this thinking. I have to plan and keep track of what I eat every single day--and this includes, birthday parties, cookouts, and holidays. I can occassionally have a little something "bad" (calorie dense with little nutritional value that is very tasty or traditional like birthday cake), but it has to be accounted for and worked into the plan. Sometimes I enjoy a small serving, someimes I bring my own food (like the 100-cal popcorn I snuck into the movies last night!), and sometimes I just say no. Honestly, I'm learning what works best for me as I go. The movie popcorn would have been hard to resist had I not planned ahead and brought my 100-cal popcorn bags.
The bottomline for me is that I will always have to actively manage my weight--including the cheats and treats.
For me the answer is Never.
I have twice in my life lost a huge amount of weight (not to mention the 40+ years of on-off dieting that has defined every waking moment). And on both occasions having got to goal or as near as dannit, I started having what I wanted when I wanted and behold me, here I am again.
I've previously posted that losing weight/dieting for me feels like when I was learning to swim - I couldn't (still can't) work out how to float or how to put my feet down while swimming a width across the baths. I can swim a width or nothing. I can some times do two but I can't swim and breathe at the same time, so the distance I can swim is controlled by how far I can hold my breath.
I now realize my weightloss endeavours are the same. If anyone bumped into me while I was widthing, I'd panic, splash and sink. If anything disturbs my weightloss regime, I'm the same.
I'm not especially happy with that: yes, I've been on plan since I began (this time) - Day #40 today. On the one hand, Yay me! On the other, it's only because I daren't not be. I haven't won my fight with food, even if I'm holding it at bay on a daily basis. When I get to goal, to be honest, That's when my work will really begin: Do I learn to have a better relationship with different foods? Or do I just carry on holding my breath and doing widths?
For example, diabetics can sometimes "cheat" by having a food that is high in sugar; however, they have to plan for it and they certainly can't do this often or for an extended period of time. They can't just decide to take the day or the week off of their diabetes diet!
Right. If someone with HIV was like "You know, I get so sick of having to take all these drugs at precise times and dealing with these side effects. I am going to just say 'f**k it' and live my life without worrying about it for a couple days", no one would be like "oh, yeah, that makes sense. Enjoy a couple days and then get back on the wagon. You deserve that". Instead, we'd have suggestions on dealing with the side effects, or finding ways to make the remembering less of a pain in the butt. But we wouldn't say "yeah, just let it go for a while".
Ironically, I think if you are an obese person with HIV, the obesity is more likely to kill you these days than the virus is. But we treat it as a bother or a sin--a personality flaw, not a life threatening condition.
I get sad about this sometimes, I must admit. Being of a dramatic turn, I think of it as my great renunciation of the things of the world. It's like I entered the nunnery of a religious order. Inside the cloistered walls, I protect myself whenever possible from the polluting temptations of junk food commercials, magazine advertisements, or the sight of other people really pigging out in mall food courts, which would all disturb my new turn of mind. (Think of the cloister as being rather spa-like, actually, containing an incredible gym & also extensive organic gardens.) Now I exercise, meditate, journal, eat plain healthy fare at certain set times. My regular excursions out into the rest of the world are rather jarring, but I carry my habits & my precariously earned new state of mind with me everywhere, and that helps.
That sounds extreme, doesn't it? But it keeps me sane. And in this calmer existence, it can be easy to forget how unhappy I was before. Yes, I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. But oh, how I disliked the sight of myself. I didn't want to be photographed. I didn't really want to look in a mirror for very long. If I did, there was all this subtle mental photoshopping going on, adjusting the lighting, putting me at a more flattering angle. "I'm not really THAT fat." I felt so defeated after trying on clothes. I'd look across a department store with racks & racks of clothes, knowing that was just a tease, that nearly none of them were for me -- the clothes I'd wear would be confined to one little section in "Plus Sizes." There were whole stores that I never, ever entered & averted my eyes from. I'd see attractive, sexy women in ads & sometimes in real life (living in NY does not help with this) & feel they were a different species entirely -- they were purebred Arabian mares while I was this plodding mixed breed draft horse.
So, sorry, my life when I ate what I wanted when I wanted was really overrated. It didn't make me happy. The tradeoff, of being an asexual, maybe somewhat motherly or buddylike being, was really not worth it.
Also, let's talk about "normal." What the heck is normal eating, anyway? I've never known it, never practiced it. My old "normal" is totally dysfunctional. My new "normal" is closer to what the real thing is, but it doesn't come naturally (not exactly yet, but I have hopes this happens after a lot of practice). Also I want to be the REAL NORMAL, not the normal that some sectors of the food industry want me to think it is.
My answer is to find healthier alternatives -- for example, if I am craving a decadent desert, I will grab a skinny cow fudge bar and the craving is sated. Or if I want fast food, maybe I'll put a piece of American cheese on my chicken breast sandwich on a whole wheat bun and grab a 100 calorie Doritos Snack Pack. These are neither healthy foods, nor are they straying too far off my plotted course -- but they are just enough to make me feel like I'm not depriving myself everything I love.
...though, when I was out of town with my friend, I did also have a glass of wine and some calamari. And that was just flat-out cheating. And I didn't feel so great about it afterward, honestly.
When I crave sweets I aim for my freezer with my 100 calorie skinney bar ice creams and they are great they hit the spot and I don't ruin my whole day! Just something you can look into.
I lost my weight calorie counting, and still count every calorie as a maintainer. I track everything I eat, and will forever I think. I do allow for foods that would be considered 'off plan' - I have ice cream, brownies, pizza, fries. I do recognize that these things can trigger me, so I have to use caution when u have them. I couldn't have then during active weight loss, I only allow for them in maintenance. And, even in maintenance I can't do them all the time Right now I am back in a trying to lose a little place because too many indulgences in recent months have caught up with me!
And, I do use a combo of Heather's listed
approaches (love that summary!) - I wanted pizza
this week, so instead of Domino's I made a
flatbread pizza with broccoli, onion, pepper, tomato,
spinach and a small amount of cheese. I wanted
ice cream so I got a box of light ice cream bars. When I level back out, I'll go bak with moderation to the higher cal items.
I will say that my tastes have changed, too. I just don't enjoy the foods I used to love. With the exception if fingers and chips from Zaxbys - still love those. Mostly though, when I splurge on an item at a restaurant I often find myself disappointed. I will never go back to the way I used to eat, no. I will however eat delicious food now that is good for me, and tasted as good to me as those greasy bad for me goods used to taste. At the beginning of my journey I never believed that would happen and I asked the same "when can I go back to what I used to eat?" question. The answer I found is that I don't want to. I enjoy the way I'm eating now so much more.
This is a great thread - don't feel bad about starting it, and I hope it helps you.
That sounds extreme, doesn't it? But it keeps me sane. And in this calmer existence, it can be easy to forget how unhappy I was before. Yes, I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. But oh, how I disliked the sight of myself. I didn't want to be photographed. I didn't really want to look in a mirror for very long. If I did, there was all this subtle mental photoshopping going on, adjusting the lighting, putting me at a more flattering angle. "I'm not really THAT fat." I felt so defeated after trying on clothes. I'd look across a department store with racks & racks of clothes, knowing that was just a tease, that nearly none of them were for me -- the clothes I'd wear would be confined to one little section in "Plus Sizes." There were whole stores that I never, ever entered & averted my eyes from. I'd see attractive, sexy women in ads & sometimes in real life (living in NY does not help with this) & feel they were a different species entirely -- they were purebred Arabian mares while I was this plodding mixed breed draft horse.
So, sorry, my life when I ate what I wanted when I wanted was really overrated. It didn't make me happy. The tradeoff, of being an asexual, maybe somewhat motherly or buddylike being, was really not worth it.
Wow this really resonates with me. I am going to print this off I think....this is exactly me, except I am still on the other end of it.
For me, this isn't about weight loss as much as about being healthy. Junk food isn't healthy for anyone, whether they are thin or overweight. I just don't want to eat all those chemicals anymore. I now make my own food and it tastes so much better. The tradeoff for something that is more yummy is that it takes time to prepare it. It was so much easier to grab prepackaged processed stuff when I needed a quick fix.
Studies have shown that the bodies of formerly obese people are not the same as those who have always been thin. Apparently, the body always wants to go back to its former heavier self.
I couldn't agree more that formerly obese people always seem to be more conscious and aware of making healthy choices, and try harder to maintain than naturally thin people, probably a combo just as you said of genetics, habit, life experiences, coping skills.
What I *have* read, though, and although I am not sure it's true (but I sure hope it is!!) is that for about 3-6 months after you reach maintenance, your body tries to go back to it's old chubby self. "making" you hungrier, slowing your metabolism, all the tricks in the book. And then, at some point, apparently it give up trying and it's not such a struggle to maintain. It would still be more work than a naturally thin person, I'm sure, but easier than when first getting to maintenace. I , far from goal, have no experience or insight in this area (unfortunately).
I do know people who've gotten within 5lbs of goal (people who were morbidly obese) and they both say that once they pretty much were at goal, doing the same thing they had been doing, started re-gaining weight for no reason. I wonder if that's what makes the last few lbs. and the maintenance phase so challenging? If your body is requiring far less calories it might seem (in the moment) unattainable for a lifetime. I mean, you can only go so low without bingeing. This last paragraph is just a theory and me thinking out loud.. has anyone ever had this experience?
What I *have* read, though, and although I am not sure it's true (but I sure hope it is!!) is that for about 3-6 months after you reach maintenance, your body tries to go back to it's old chubby self. "making" you hungrier, slowing your metabolism, all the tricks in the book.
Natalia -- It's not just for 6 months. Actually, the research suggests that the bodies of formerly morbidly obese people CONTINUE to want to go back to the old weight! There are chemical differences that tend to make us hungrier... just make keeping the weight off harder. We really are fighting an uphill battle. To keep it off you need to have developed good habits and make a long-term commitment.
Natalia -- It's not just for 6 months. Actually, the research suggests that the bodies of formerly morbidly obese people CONTINUE to want to go back to the old weight! There are chemical differences that tend to make us hungrier... just make keeping the weight off harder. We really are fighting an uphill battle. To keep it off you need to have developed good habits and make a long-term commitment.
So at no point does it become easier? (not easier like new habits getting ingrained but physically, metabolically, calorically) I was hoping that after a period of time, your body might "adjust" to your new set point and that would make things a little easier.
I'm thinking that there must be an element of mastery here-- and I have not yet figured out how on earth people know when to eat a treat.
I remember I had a Swedish babysitter for a while and she told me that in Sweden it was simple because children were only given a treat on Sunday. And I thought "how clear and simple."
But I seem to have no grasp of how thin people seem to figure out that it's okay to go out for ice cream now and again. For me, the right moment to go out for ice cream would be every moment. The right moment to over eat is every moment of every day....
I'm like an autistic person who doesn't understand emotions. Only I don't understand how normal people naturally balance their eating.
So, there is not question of going back to eating like a normal person, because I never did in the first place.
I much prefer my new way of eating because it causes me so much less distress.
But, I do love the idea that maybe somewhere in the distant future I could be the kind of person who gets a small vanilla cone from time time, without having from time to time turn into every day and make that a large hot fudge sundae please.
So at no point does it become easier? (not easier like new habits getting ingrained but physically, metabolically, calorically) I was hoping that after a period of time, your body might "adjust" to your new set point and that would make things a little easier.
I suppose there's the notion that any muscle mass you build will make your body burn more calories??? Or if you feel better and move more easily, you'll burn more calories in your everyday life????
Some plans maintain that the body you build as you learn to eat better is better at using foods for energy.
I choose not to eat things. I never consider what I "can't" eat. I don't worry about restricting myself because my only desire is to be thinner, healthier and to live a full and long life. If that Big Mac, Cheetos or even silly little animal crackers call to me (as they will), I tell myself, "That might taste good right now, but being able to fit in that kayak felt a **** of a lot better." I don't need rules because I have perspective. When I lose perspective and eating right or exercising is starting to become more difficult, I ask someone I trust for perspective. Either way, the Big Mac (which was my weakness) doesn't fit into my future plans. That Big Mac's not going to paddle my fat *** around a lake, and it sure won't celebrate with me when I'm done. I give it no power over me. It was a love/hate relationship, where I loved to eat it and then hated myself afterward. Hated my beautiful body and mind over a disgusting hamburger? I'm worth way more than that. Nothing has power over me like that anymore. Nothing.
