I've told this story before so for those people who've been on these boards a while, I apologize.
At least in my case, my beau didn't even see me when I was at my fattest. We "met" in a very romantic way when my 50th birthday present was delivered to his house (he lived in the next block). I was @215 lbs at that time and he asked me out for lunch to make a new friend in the neighborhood. He confesses he had no designs on me at the time but by the time our lunch date was over he was very turned on and pursued me intensely after that.
Later he was trying to analyze the attraction and why he had not noticed me sooner in the neighborhood (there's only 1 house between us) when I confessed that we had actually met a few years earlier when I was 50 lbs heavier. He was honest enough with himself to realize that he likely hadn't even noticed me as a woman when I was that big. But I also know I was putting out a whole different vibe at 215 then at 265.
While I do agree with you, I have to say that as a woman (I'm an EXPERT woman... I've been one all my life, LOL!!) I too am visually stimulated - I've surprised myself by some of the men I've been attracted to, but the attraction part has never failed me. I could never be, nor have ever been, interested in anyone who wasn't attractive to me. No matter how sweet the guy was or how cool or funny or intelligent or rich or whatever... if I wasn't attracted to him physically, it simply wasn't gonna happen.
I agree 100% I'm visually attracted first and if I'm not visually attracted to a guy it's just not going to happen even if he's the greatest guy in the world.
Beach, amen to that! IF you are not attracted physically it just doesnt happen!
I never understood "hating" a man or a woman because they didnt want to BE with you if you are overweight/obese! i never understood this. If they are friends with you fine thats awesome, but you can't give them Sh!t for not liking your body.
If you have gone and gotten overweight/obese together, thats a bit different or your married..etc. But for someone coming off the street, physical attraction is really what DRAWS you first.
Totally agree with the ones who say physical attraction is very important. If I'm not attracted to a guy, nothing will happen - ever. I might develop an attraction over time, and that's fine, but sometimes, I just know I won't be attracted to a man, no matter how nice he is.
I must admit, if a guy pays a bit more attention to me now than he did before when I was bigger, a part of me thinks, "what was wrong with me before?" I'm trying to get rid of that thinking - I really am. It's just a preference, just as some guys have a preference for blonde hair, long legs, etc. Still hard though. But....if I know a guy who is rude to overweight people, THEN I would have no time for him whatsoever!
Okay, maybe I'm just being mean here, but I knew a couple of guys who I had liked but wouldn't date me because of my weight. When I dropped the weight they all of a sudden wanted to go out with me. Well I agreed to the one guy who had been particularily hurtful and when he came to get me I made sure I wasn't home. The other guy I just told to get lost.
Good thing too. I ended up gaining the weight and then some back years later-because I never learned how to handle my weight-and got married to my husband at 225 pounds. Heartbreaking I know. And he's good looking and smart and a catch. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. So since I've been married I've drop a lot of weight and gotten fitter then I have been in years.
So in my opinion find the guy that will love you big or little. He's the guy that will love you UNCONDITIONALLY! Becasue what happens if you put the weight back on? Or gain a few pounds back on? It's like his love and affection will be determined by the scale. Do you really want that worry?
It's your decision just know what you are getting into. I understand that sometimes we love whom we love even if they are undeserving of it. That's the beauty of real love, or agape love, but just know what you are getting into. All the best!
In away I dont mind being a bit on the heavy set cuz then you know who the decent guys are.
Before I had my son I was 120-125. I worked in a tavern & all kinds of guys would talk to me & flirt with me. I had a hard time when I was pregnant & gained alot of weight. I went from a size 5 to a size 16. When I went back to work none of those same guys would talk to me, just gave me their order & that was it. It made me so mad cuz I knew why even though I was the same person just heavier. Fast forward several years - I was a single mom & was tired of not going out & didnt want to meat guys in a bar any more (now a size 12) I put an add on the internet. I did not put my picture up & ignored the guys who replyed right away wanting a picture. It was fun getting the relies I did but also kinda creepy with some of them. After a couple months I did not find anyone that tripped my trigger (never met any of them) Right before I deleted my add DH replied, he never asked what I looked like, nor did I, He is the only one I agreed to meet (went to Olive Garden) We drove each drove in case it didnt work out. As you can tell it worked out fine that was 10 yrs ago. My weight has flexuated in these 10 yrs but its nice to know that he fell in love with me when I was already over weight.
When I went to college I had really short pixie hair. Spring of my freshman year I started growing it out and by the end of fall sophmore year it was just above the shoulder.
My point? My (now) dh lived in my dorm my freshman year and never gave me a glance. Right after Xmas break sophmore year we started dating and have been together for 22+ years. He doesnt like really short hair on women. Just doesn't. I remember having an "argument" trying to convince him that these two actresses were really the same person. I'm not sure he ever believed me. (This was when she was less well known)
By the way...even Halle Berry....he thought she was "kinda plain" with the pixie cut.
I guess my point is that initial spark is a funny thing and in the long run less important. It doesnt mean that if you regained weight later someone who loved you wouldnt still. But what causes someone to make the effort to get to know you is really hard to judge.
Now if they are making comments about fat girls in general I would walk away, because that's just rude. And rudeness does NOT go away.
I'm a firm believer that that people often let physical appearance get in the way of really getting to know someone; we are just naturally affected and often follow certain impressions (and even stereotypes) about what we physically see before us.
But I'm a firm believer that attraction doesn't always have to involve some kind of physical spark from the beginning, since my boyfriend and I fell madly in love with each other online. Neither of us were even looking for a relationship and we barely knew what the other looked like when it happened. It was based 100% on personality for us. My painful insecurities and brutal honesty did made me point out to him that I was a heavy girl, but it never mattered to him. And let me tell you, the sparks really flew when we met in person, he most certainly didn't care that I was nearly 300 pounds at the time because he already knew the me inside.
In one word: NO!
The other guy I just told to get lost. 
