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Old 06-15-2010, 06:31 AM   #1
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Default Do you ever feel like it's all futile?

I was flicking through a cookbook yesterday looking for low calorie recipes and, greedy girl that I am, I ended up looking through the dessert section. Some of the desserts were 900 cals a serving and it got me feeling so miserable and as though I'm never going to be able to lose weight and keep it off. I'm fine with avoiding these things for a while whilst I'm trying to lose weight but it just feels like if I want to maintain my weight I'm never going to be able to eat the things that I enjoy again and I'm not sure I can do that.

Anybody else ever felt the same? And if so what did you do to get yourself feeling motivated again? Because at the moment I'm feeling like giving up!
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Old 06-15-2010, 06:45 AM   #2
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Most things you love and don't want to give up can be made much healthier by a bit of a personal twist. My biggest weakness was always pasta carbonara/alfredo - basically really creamy, cheesey bulky pasta dishes that I could eat LOADS of to make myself feel better.

Now, I make my own white sauce using 1% milk and cornflour. I add basil and low fat soft cheese, lots of black pepper and a pinch of salt. I weigh out my pasta beforehand and, depending on my mood, allow myself up to 100g dried pasta (355 cals) which I eat slowly and enjoy to the max. I sometimes add in roasted aubergine, onions and bell peppers to add a bit of sweetness. Total of this meal is around 500 cals. It's a treat that I enjoy. If I had a creamy sickly version from a restaurant it would be around TRIPLE that, or maybe more.


It's all about thinking about the dish you love. What do you love about it? You can make low fat cheesecakes and buy low fat chocolate mousses. Try playing about with recipes and replacing ingredients for ones that are more sensible. There is hope - you were just looking in the wrong cookbook

Good luck!
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:06 AM   #3
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Everyday. But I figure there's a few ways everything will go down. Either I don't try at all and just get bigger and bigger and more miserable. I do try to lose weight, and I do always end up losing, so at least when I do gain, I'm still within this weight range I fluctuate in. Or I lose it for good.
I don't like the first option at all. So the second and third option always start with losing the weight. The difference comes with maintaining. But that's down the road. So, I don't worry about that yet. I just worry about the first step...losing.
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:07 AM   #4
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dayoneagain made so many good points. It really is about a lifestyle change, but that doesn't mean you'll never have a sweet treat again.

My weakness was always ice-cream. Nowadays I buy the low calorie sugar-free Jello pudding and I fill some ice-pop molds with it. After that I put sticks in the molds and give them an overnight visit to the freezer. That's my alternative to ice-cream and it really is yummy (to me). I also make a mean fruit and yogurt parfait that's about 250 calories and worth every single one of them.

There are days when I think it's futile for other reasons, though. Sometimes, usually when the clothes are off, I think losing weight is worthless if I won't get the body I WANT at the end. But then I think about all the hard work I've put into this. I take a moment to remember how I felt at 304, and, if I have to take drastic measures, I'll look at old pictures and journal entries. That alone, plus the memories of anti-depressants and anxiety medication, make me realize that no dessert or loose skin is worth being unhappy in life. Everytime I miss cheesecake I go for a swim or watch my favorite movie. Other simple pleasures can overshadow the unhealthy former simple pleasures of my morbid obesity days.
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:09 AM   #5
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I just read my post and noticed how inconherient it sounds. Please excuse that. I've been up since 3am with a 2 year old and a 3 week old.
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Old 06-15-2010, 07:29 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eryn s View Post
I was flicking through a cookbook yesterday looking for low calorie recipes and, greedy girl that I am, I ended up looking through the dessert section. Some of the desserts were 900 cals a serving and it got me feeling so miserable and as though I'm never going to be able to lose weight and keep it off. I'm fine with avoiding these things for a while whilst I'm trying to lose weight but it just feels like if I want to maintain my weight I'm never going to be able to eat the things that I enjoy again and I'm not sure I can do that.

Anybody else ever felt the same? And if so what did you do to get yourself feeling motivated again? Because at the moment I'm feeling like giving up!
I was never more miserable than when I was super morbidly obese. THAT to me was pure torture and misery of the worst kind. I was settling for an inferior existence. I didn't even realize what I was missing out on - and boy oh boy was I missing out on a LOT.

Since you have no stats up, it's kind of hard to see where you are on this journey, so it's hard to make specific comments.

I know for me, it came to be that I realized that having those foods in my life in the quantities that I was was unacceptable. I was abusing food. I was overfeeding myself.

Now I have those kind of treats on a rare, rare occasion. I have found OTHER things that are treats for me - food wise (baked apples with walnuts, raisins, cinnamon for example) - and not food wise. (walking around all day long in a slim, trim body wearing size 4's). I no longer have to rely on food for such pleasures. But you don't know this right away. Again, depending where you are on your journey, you will see that your tastes change. Your wants and desires change.

I stopped settling for foods that just taste good. No, that was no longer enough for me. I needed foods that taste good AND were good FOR ME. I raised my standards - and transformed my life.

I urge you to find delicious foods to love that just happen to be healthy and low calorie. I love what I'm eating soooo much, that I don't mind doing without the other stuff. Besides, when I was eating as much as the other stuff that I wanted - I was unhappy, lethargic, listless, fat, mope-y and never, ever satisfied. So really, what was I giving up? When I did give those foods up (for the most part), I GAINED so much more. It's a trade off.

But again, I'm eating SUCH fabulous foods that I could care less about not eating that other stuff. It takes time - to find these great foods, to develop a love of them and for your wants for the other foods to die down and then it of course takes time to get to be slim and trim - and that is the most delicious treat of all!
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Old 06-15-2010, 09:34 AM   #7
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You seriously don't have to give up puddings and desserts to be thin. You just can't eat them all the time.

I started trying to lose weight in November, and I made it through three birthdays, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, wedding menu tasting, etc etc etc. I haven't had three courses in a restaurant since I started this, and yes, sometimes I feel miserable. I haven't eaten a store bought muffin in months, but I've eaten ice cream and right now I'm eating cake.

It's all about balance. If I eat cake at lunchtime, I eat something low-cal for dinner and then I exercise. I record my calories and if I go over, I exercise it off.

You CAN have cake or whatever you want, but you have to earn it. So, if I eat a slice of the chocolate cake sitting in my kitchen right now, I get on the exercise bike this evening and I peddle for an hour and a half. Yes, that sucks a little bit, but if I really want cake I can have it.

Sometimes, knowing you CAN have cake is enough to mean you don't really want to eat it all that much.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:16 AM   #8
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Remember, you have your whole life to have desserts once a month or so (actual frequency will depend on your personality and lifestyle, but most maintainers I know can have at least one "indulgence" of some sort a month). That's thousands of desserts over the course of your lifetime.

Also, make sure you aren't just hungry. When I am not eating enough healthy stuff, I crave junk. I don't think it's hunger because it's not stomach pangs, it's just a fixation on junk food. But if I eat more cottage cheese, fresh veggies, and chicken breast, those cravings go away--I still WANT junk, but I don't fixate.

Lastly, I am TOTALLY going to let myself go on my 90th birthday if I want to. When I quit smoking ten years ago, I couldn't stand the thought of a life without nicotine (I could be a chain smoker again in about 10 minutes) so I promised myself that at 90 I could smoke again, if I want to then. Now, I've added to that--at 90, there will be unlimited chocolate. So this isn't forever--it's just for the next 57 years! Obviously, there are problems with this plan, but it makes me feel better.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:17 AM   #9
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There are some websites that I've found that can offer low calorie recipes or calculate how many calories in a home made dish. In order, calculator, then two recipe websites. Best of luck to you on your journey!

http://www.fitwatch.com/database/analyzer.php

http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes_me..._recipes_menus

http://www.foodnetwork.com/topics/lo...rie/index.html
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:53 AM   #10
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Lastly, I am TOTALLY going to let myself go on my 90th birthday if I want to. When I quit smoking ten years ago, I couldn't stand the thought of a life without nicotine (I could be a chain smoker again in about 10 minutes) so I promised myself that at 90 I could smoke again, if I want to then. Now, I've added to that--at 90, there will be unlimited chocolate. So this isn't forever--it's just for the next 57 years! Obviously, there are problems with this plan, but it makes me feel better.

That's the greatest compromise I've ever heard. Too funny!
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:00 AM   #11
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My entire relationship with food has changed since I've lost weight. I enjoy different foods now and I have to say every day, I eat foods I enjoy. I have some indulges once in a while but they aren't every day. I do eat chocolate almost every day though, in one form or another
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:03 AM   #12
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Umm...no. Because I know that I can occassionally "treat" (I know everyone hates that word) myself. I know that I AM in control and just because I eat an amazing dessert during a dinner out occassionally I'm not going to gain back all the weight I've lost as long I'm on plan (I will continue to plan during maintenance) the majority of the time. It can be really overwhelming to think OMG I have to give up everything FOREVER, but honestly if you can keep it under control (I know some of us can't) you can have anything you want in moderation.

ETA: It does get easier as other posters have mentioned as you lose weight and your lifestyle changes you crave much different foods and avoiding others more often is much easier. Especially when you learn that eating when you're hungry is so much better than eating when you're not (everything tastes better)
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:24 AM   #13
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Food is like money - if I want to stay slender, I have to have a budget. I can't afford to buy every little thing I want, I can't afford to eat every little thing I want. Sometimes, I can save up for a splurge

I had my chance to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it and it did not make me happy.

As a maintainer, I do have the calories in my budget for treats. I have the occasional 100-150 biscotti with my latte. I eat dark chocolate (I eat about 100 calories per serving). I go out once a week and have a great dinner in a restaurant, I drink wine, I split a dessert.

It definitely is not a "doom and gloom" existence where I never get to eat anything tasty and I feel horribly deprived. I like the healthy foods I do eat and I look forward to treats. It feels perfectly happy and manageable.
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:40 AM   #14
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eryn....

I soooo get where you're coming from! I have lost & regained weight soooo many times in my life. I can take it off, but seemingly can't get the hang of maintaining, and I think it's due to exactly what you've described. HOWEVER, I am just plain determined! I hate being fat and I won't give up. If I have to, I'll keep trying forever - up until the day I die! - BECAUSE it's what I want! And dagnabit! - I always get what I want!
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Old 06-15-2010, 12:04 PM   #15
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I don't ever feel like the changes I've made in my life are futile, honestly. Since quitting sugar just over 2 years ago, I feel free, light, and easy. I am free of an addiction that had a terrible, obsessional grip on me and which did horrendous things to my body. I am living the opposite of the misery I was living...I am now living a life in which I feel empowered, strong, fit, ready, vital, vibrant, beautiful. Everything has changed.
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