Hallelujah, Robin! Preach it!

PastelApple, basically you had a tantrum in your post: "Life isn't fair! I can't have everything I want! All at the same time!"

No, you can't. Life is about having to choose. All through the day, you face a series of choices, from whether to sleep a bit longer or to get up earlier, to what to eat at breakfast, to whether to take the stairs or the elevator, and when to take your breaks from classes & studying & what you do during them, and how you want to spend your evenings.

There are the choices that bring instant gratification & the harder choices that don't pay off immediately, but may pay off with a lot more in the future.

Start thinking about the moment of decision-making, when you are faced with a choice. What is the better choice? And work from there.

Another good one is "Life is Hard, Food is Easy" by Linda Spangle.

I agree with the other posters -- you have to find out WHY you binge before you can solve the HOW of stopping it.

A.

I can see myself in your post, quite clearly. I've always been not thin, and I have a mother who pressured me to lose weight even when I was at the weight I am now trying to get back to... In theory I always wanted to lose weight, but I didn't want it enough. I even got a auto-hypnosis CD last year which apparently makes you want to lose weight so much you actually do it, and after listening to it every day for four weeks I decided the price I had to pay for loosing weight was just too high.

Because I love food. Not the fast-food kind, but good home-made food. And chocolate. And cakes. Food for me equals company, a good time, caring. And of course all food has a certain kind of alcohol to go with it!

I have also always been a firm believer that the weight will not stand between me and anything in life. I have a lovely husband, I wore a beautiful wedding dress, I have had a wild time with dating lots and lots of really attractive guys before that (when I was already this weight).

And then something suddenly clicked. I am currently unemployed, in a city where I know nobody, and battling my depression every day. But one of those days something clicked and suddenly being slim, and being able to shop wherever I want became far more important than food. That reason, shallow as it might be, is my main motivation for losing weight. I want to be able to buy anything in any of the small independent clothes shops around me!

Unfortunately, I cannot tell you what happened. There wasn't any significant event triggering it. I can only tell you that this forum can help tremendously, that you won't be alone on your journey if you decide to go on, but that you really have to prioritize what you want in life. You can't have all the comfort foods and the slim body, unfair as it might seem.

Good luck!

I kinda disagree with this. I don't think you have to have everything all figured out and tidy before you make a change. You will DISCOVER many *answers* as you go through your journey. It's an unbelievable time of self growth and yes, self discovery. Things will become apparent to you, that weren't in the past.

That coupled with the fact that lots of it just becomes HABIT. Even if you overeat/binge for whatever reason, sometimes that reason is gone - yet you're still doing it. HABIT. You also must realize that for whatever reason you're binging/overeating, that the price is too high. There is too much at stake. The benefits of overeating/binging are being outweighed by the horrendous consequences.

And me, I did figure out why I binged and overate, years ago. Knowing it was not enough to get me to stop doing it.

For me, it was the WILLINGNESS. I was willing to change my habits. I was willing to plan out my foods. I was willing to pass up on so and so in order to get the big pay back. I was willing to work through the discomfort. I was willing to do whatever the heck was necessary to dig myself out of the hole that I had dug myself into.

You also must realize that this is all worth it. Whatever time, energy, thought, discomfort - anything and everything is WORTH IT.

So, so, so, so very worth it.

I also agree with Robin - I had no idea why I binged when I started this journey. I felt helpless with food. I just knew I wanted to change.

I figured out why I was susceptible to foods during my journey. I remember the moment actually

I was standing in a Qdoba, I had gone for lunch with friends and ordered my healthy burrito bowl and was waiting to pay. At the cash register, they had a bunch of cookies. I looked at the cookies and realized I did not want a cookie. There was a tiny brain hum like "well, cookies are nice" but it was like looking at the Hope Diamond in a case and thinking "diamonds are pretty." I did not WANT a cookie. My "gimme gimme gimme" cookie cravings were silent, for the first time. I don't think I had ever said "no" to a cookie in my life!

It was a real "wow" moment for me. I started thinking that why THIS TIME did I not want a cookie, what had changed in my life?

Around the same time, a dear friend baked a birthday cake for my birthday. I know, we shouldn't have to eat cake and should be able to turn it down, but I accepted a single slice and refused to take the rest of the cake home - so it was a victory. I ate my piece of cake and I thought "that was good, I would like another piece of cake." It was such a STRONG feeling, I instantly recognized it. The sugar monster.

Between those 2 experiences, I finally figured out what had changed for the BETTER!

You've now heard from the two schools of thought: Work on changing the behavior first or work on discovering the motivation first.

Your post implies you want to work on the motivation first.

Some of us are telling you it's better to just focus on the behaviors, at the beginning at least. That would be educating yourself more about food. Making better choices. Learning to go through the motions of healthier behavior.

Somewhere along the way, you can start looking at why you started overeating, why you binge at certain moments & not at others, and how to recognize an emotion or a situation that is going to cause trouble & start working to head it off before it happens.

But in the meantime, actions will help you more than hours of earnest cogitation. Taking action at your very next meal. Not tomorrow, but today, or even in the next hour.

When I said "hallelujah" & "preach it," I was alluding to what happens when some of us suddenly WANT to lose weight & become absolutely even coldly determined. A switch goes on. It's like a conversion experience. You want to make a change. (You start listening to inspirational music, too. I'm only partly kidding about that.) It really helps to have that kick in independently, before you start taking action, but I think sometimes if you "fake it till you make it," as has been said elsewhere here, it can help bring it in.

I do not think anyone's words here can do it. No one will manage that for you in one post on a message board. But our words taken cumulatively may stick in your head, and they may speak to you & mean something later, when it actually happens for you.

Thank you, everybody, for all of your amazing advice. I think I will save this to my bookmark bar and look at it periodically.

I think that maybe the whole concept of small goals will help. And I think that removing sugar from my diet will help too, come to think of it. It was always easier for me to diet when I didn't give myself a bit of chocolate everyday as a treat when I had remaining calories. That always ended in me wanting more chocolate, more pizza, more sugar-y white flour things.

As for the concept of loving food...well, I thought about it last night. I don't realllyyy love food. I enjoy it, but I don't love it. I love clinging to the ritual of it. Besides, half the time, the foods I "love" end up making my stomach sick. Oftentimes rich pastas make me feel sluggish the next day. And, really...I dig healthy foods. As Glory87 said, I have those foods that set me off too. I really want pizza at night when I'm stressed. I HAVE to have honey mustard with my grilled fish. I can't imagine giving up Diet Coke.

I think you're right, Rockinrobin, by learning how to make tasty healthy foods. Honestly, those really ARE yummier...I eat them too. I just like to dunk them in sugar and honey mustard. If I think about it, there are veryyy minor foods standing in my way. I used to be a runner and I ran 7 miles a day and even then I couldn't lose weight. I still work oudt and my job is really fast-paced, too. I know it's not the exercise.

So, I realize that it's these addictive foods/drinks I won't let go. I could easily make a list of them.

1. High calorie ice cream...which can be replaced by frozen low-fat yogurt and a bit of chocolate syrup with granola.

2. Pizza, both frozen and delivery. I can MAKE a healthier pizza. I can even put yummy topics on it...low-calorie mozzarella with as many mushrooms as I want. And olive oil instead of red sauce.

3. Chocolate. It may be best that I avoid this for a bit, actually. However, in the long-run, I could always just start buying the kid size dark chocolate bars. Or I can break a big one into smaller portions and put them in zip-lock baggies.

4. Dressings like honey mustard and mayo. I can save them as things to have at the occasional BBQ or on a burger when I go out to eat. I should just quit incorporating these nasty things into my everyday life. I think that even the low-calorie versions will keep this habit running, eventually leading me back to the high-cal versions.

5. Crackers and chips. Once I have one, I have to have the whole sleeve...or I have to keep munching. It may be best if I either take this out completely or put smaller portions of baked chips into zip-lock baggies.

6. Cheese. I can't imagine eating soup without cheese...or sandwiches without cheese. I could start using only low-cal cheese on homemade pizzas...and try to avoid putting it into my soup.

7. Diet Soda. I can knock out nearly a 2-liter everyday. =/ I need to just quit drinking this all-together.

I also realize that I need to reconsider WHY I'm doing this a little further. I think my problem is this: I'm only thinking of myself. I don't have health problems yet, so I don't see my weight as a personal problem in it of itself. However, when I think of my weight in the context of this world, then it's not a good thing. My second job is at a clothing store. I can't even buy the jeans at the place I work at. If I only lost twenty or thirty pounds, I could fit into them nicely. I love fashion and my weight limits me in so many ways. Because I've gained weight (40-ish lbs) since I quit running those 7 miles, it's harder to run. I never thought it would be difficult for me to knock out a half mile. And I've realized that I don't go out with people to socialize when I eat dinner with them, I use the socializing to my advantage so that I can eat. It really freaks me out to think of me going out with certain friends without eating. It almost seems like a waste of time. That kind of shows me how big of a problem I have. =/ I almost value the food more than good human relationships.

So, I guess it comes down to this (and I know it's taking me sooo long to come to this conclusion, so thank you for baring with me), I'm never going to desperately WANT to let go of these habits. There's never going to be a day when I have those magical lightbulb moments. I have yet to have one in any other aspect of my life, so maybe that's just something that doesn't work for me on an individual basis. However, I can make a decision to TRY. To see. Because honestly, like many have said, I don't know if I'll like being skinnier better. I've been too big of a pansy to let go of my comfort blanket to see how I'd end up feeling; my life is constantly in a state of motion and I'm constantly clawing my way up the ladder to reach the goals I want in my life. I want something to not worry about. When I think about it, though, there are plenty of people who can lose weight with other goals on their plates. And really, once I get past the initial stage, maybe it would be kind of fun. I'm so scared of the long-term. I'm so afraid of thinking...oh, maybe healthy foods actually taste better than bad foods, anyways. That's a complete flip in my mind, a complete slap in the face to my favorite addictive behavior since a really young age.

I think that I can do this if I think in context of everyday little decisions...and when I think in context of me doing my best to make the tastiest, healthiest foods possibly. Maybe it can be game. It can be fun if I tell myself it is.

I know that no amount of words that anybody says will make me make a choice, but all of your posts have really been helpful in making me think. I realize that there are possibilities to grasp at. I just have to make that choice to want those more.

Thanks. =)

There is such great advice in this thread... I will add one more...

Never give up.

Every single day make an effort to eat on plan and do some sort of exercise/moving around.

And on a day that you binge, that still counts as a day working your program.

There are no days off with this. This is a lifestyle change. Every day counts.

For me one of the big 'ah ha' moments, was realizing that the thinner people around me make healthy choices. They actively plan healthy meals, choose healthier/lighter meals when dining out, go to the gym. They don't come by thin easily and it makes me feel lazy to realize that I simply wasn't being proactive in my own life. I don't like to feel lazy (in general) and while I'm not a competitive person, I don't like to be last either, and being the fattest person most of my peers know, makes me feel like I'm last. So I chose to change that.

Ice cream was my worst overeating food possible. For me, I had to elminiate it totally. Even low fat yogurt was something I would overeaat. So for me, I turrned to NO fat/no sugar Dannon yogurt which I partially freeze and add 1/4 cup Fiber one cereal as my topping. Granola is VERY caloric. And the chocolate syrup, I don't know... just better off, for me, LEARNING to do without it.I wasn't taking any chances *this time*. I was done being fat and HAD to set myself up for success by having definite no's. Couldn't let the door open. Couldn't take chances. I needed to dry up my wants for *those foods*.

Red sauce is less calories than olive oil. Olive oil comes in at a whopping 120 calories per tablespoon. No oil added marinara - much less.

I urge you to check out one of the many on line calorie counters, such as fitday.com.

I think you're taking a big chance here. For my chocolate fix, I like NEstle fat free hot chocolate at 20 calories. No way to keep going back at it and back at it. I don't do moderation well. That is what my history shows.

Soup without cheese? Experiment. Be creative. Search out other delicious things. Oh and Parmesean cheese is a great way to get the taste of cheese without a lot of calories.

Chips and crackers? Another I can't just have one food - I am better off without it totally.

And no, I don't look at passing up on these foods as "poor me, I'm so deprived". I look at it as EATING them is deprivation. I'm depriving myself of the best me possible. I'm depriving myself of good health, energy, stamina, confidence, a huge wardrobe and dozens of other VERY worth while things.

I agree with this 100%. Even though I gained during illness, I was NOT aware how much emotional garbage was really inside my head that majorly contributed to my eating. Just so happens subconsciously I seized the opportunity to "nurture" it. I discovered this through writing a "pros & cons" sort of list one day....I was actually pretty shocked when I discovered how much stuff I just hadn't faced & dealt with through the years. I'm still processing & understanding it.

Food is addictive & very comforting...so is alcohol, heroin, cocaine, meth, cigarettes & gambling...the list goes on...it doesn't make it right. They're just enemies in disguise. I've gotten to the point where I feel much resent toward foods I considered my "best friend." I'm staying away from them like I would a person who is a bad influence on me & toxic for my well being. As twisted as it sounds...but anyone who's been fat or has an eating disorder understands...since I used to identify food as a "best friend"...a "shoulder to cry on"....I have to look at those foods as an "ex best friend" who stabbed me in the back & took advantage of me...manipulated me. I feel the disappointment in myself for allowing it & submissively victimizing myself. I feel that way about some actual people in my own life I've written off...food is not any different. After all...it's a persuasive "entity." So I tend to see food as an actual "person."

OP, to attain what you desire...you have to take your control back. Instead of thinking of it all as a DIET....it's a lifestyle change. I'm not going to suggest "rewarding" yourself with cookie dough from time to time during this lifestyle change...because I am against rewarding with the things that once had power over you. I wouldn't reward myself by staying away from an old bad friend by calling her up to hang out with her one night who I KNOW will get me into trouble based on a history with that person....just because I've stayed away for so-n-so amount of time....nor would I call up an old boyfriend who was abusive to me for another round. Insanity!! When push comes to shove after it's all sliced & diced...it's no different.

You DO deserve to have fun in college feeling your BEST. You do deserve to love your reflection in the mirror....you deserve to feel great about yourself enough to get a BF & be loved by another...& to feel healthy & not be controlled by your vices. You are a very important woman & there's no other in this world like you. I had to hit my bottom, many of us have...you will have to as well. You're partially there already....you're just a little stuck & I can totally relate to that...I empathize with it deeply. Maybe its time for you to write a "pros & cons" list with a pen & paper so you can visually see it...so it'll register. It's time to stop romanticizing your "partner" in crime who is just eventually going to put you 6 feet under. Sorry...it just will. Your health is an urgent matter. Don't take your mortality for granted. Take your control back...its YOURS.

This thread is awesome! I think everyone who's struggling to "start" should read this. I don't really have anything to add that hasn't already been said other than my own personal motivation.

Warning, this may be a bit insensitive, but this is how I am with myself and it's what keeps and kept me on track.

When I hear someone whining about being overweight and doing the whole "feel sorry for me because I can't do the things you do" but refusing to give up ANYTHING, refusing to change ANYTHING, or make any sort of sacrifices then personally I feel that person deserves to be unhappy with themselves. That is the person I used to be, so maybe that's why when I see others like that I turn so cold but really, you have to be tough on yourself!

I know for me if I left it to my whinny little child inside me I know without a doubt I’d be bigger than I started! I had to grow up and take over, I'm an adult and I can take responsibility for what I'm putting in my mouth! I see people cramming stuff in their mouths saying things like "I just can't help myself" or "I don't have the willpower" and it frustrates me because EVERYONE EVERYONE EVERYONE can say no! Unless you're a small child and all that's available to you is what your parents buy you can CHOOSE!

One thing I tell myself when I start to think about slipping into my old habits is "You're better than that" and I am. Period. I'm better than the person I once was, that poor me person who wanted all the benefits without any of the work. And let me tell you, it's the working for it that makes it so worth it. The self pride and joy you get from working hard and achieving your goals, is amazing!

So what I'm getting at here is for me at least I had to stop babying myself. I had to stop saying "well I'm sad" or "it was a hard day I deserve it" and start saying "I deserve to be the amazingly strong and BETTER person I know I am, I deserve to be thin and fit into anything I want, I deserve to feel amazing about myself, because I'm better than this!" I see a cookie I want “I’m not the type of person who gives in and gets that cookie!” Cake? “I’m better than that damn cake.”

Sorry if some of that seemed cold but it's truly how I feel and what I truly believe got to here and will keep me here.

PastelApple Thank You for starting this thread. I have been struggling with wanting to eat more than losing weight. Reading this thread has helped.

Not cold at all, Meow! You're right...the fact of the matter is coddling doesn't get you jack. If my support system was filled with enablers & coddlers or people who always patted my hand saying "now, now..."...I would still be at 308. Tough people who've shaken/shake my foundation & distorted realities keep me tough & chugging along too. I feel the same way.

Loving this thread........I struggle with making better choices for myself everyday, there are some very wise women on here. thanks