I have decided to just out myself once and for all!!!!! I have been on 3fc since, well <----------------------whatever my profile says, I know its been at least five years, and I'm still stuck at being overweight!!!! And "stuck" is exactly how I feel. I tell myself I'm smart enough to do it on my own, I KNOW what to do, I read well, I'm a nurse so I know how the body works, I know plenty about health, diet, nutrition, exercise, I motivate others. I host Biggest Loser contests at my work, I start new diets every couple weeks. But I can't seem to make it stick!

So I've humbled myself enough to out myself and ask for help.

Some background....I'm Michelle, 34, mom to Robert (10) and Rachel (6) married 12 years to Michael, my childhood sweetheart. I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict....which is a DIRECT correllation to my eating disease. I read the obsession thread and thought, oh believe me guys, I know OBSESSION. Even the word obsession is delicious on my tongue. I know about desperation, obsession, the longing, the need. (I'm sober 14 months now, by the grace of God and with the help of AA, and a wonderful support network and family/friends. But I digress)

I've learned that if a disease is eating you alive, if you tell on the disease, you begin to relieve yourself the obsession, the burdens. So I'm here, on my knees....asking for help....I don't have to do this alone (and neither do YOU, if you are reading this and can relate) I don't have all the answers. I need to be honest, openminded and willing to take suggestions.

I don't even know if this thread has a real purpose. Maybe it's an introduction, maybe its an opening for you to come in and "tell on" your disease, maybe its to offer me some advice, some support, some love.

I know that motivation wanes sometimes and commitment is permanent. I guess I'm feeling BOTH today but i know the days come that the motivation will waiver. Just like in sobriety, I only have today. I can't change yesterday, I can only live today so today doesn't become a regret of the future. One day at a time, one choice at a time. I only have right here, right now. Anyone with me?

Thanks for letting me sound off.

Hi Michelle,

I think it's great that you've stuck with 3FC for so long. It really does show that you're truly dedicated to trying to change. You have the information, the education and the skills to put this into motion. The only thing left is to do it!

Like you, so many of us here felt "stuck" being overweight. Failed new diets and half *** attempts at change have made us feel like we really can't lose the weight. But that's WRONG! We control our bodies. We control what we consume.

You have had the inner strength and dedication to overcome addictions that are stronger than any of us could possibly imagine. You can succeed with this too, if you want it badly enough. Just like you said - put the past behind you and move forward with a new goals and motivation to turn yourself into a happier, healthier person. One meal at a time, that's how we put it on, and that's how we'll take it back off!

I wish you all the success in the world! Keep us updated on your progress!

Feels odd to say to someone who has been around so long, but kudos to you for coming out of lurkdom and posting. It can not have been easy to hit the post button, but it was the first step to being commited to this change in your life. I have come to realize that this change I have made is not about each bite I put in my mouth, but what I do after. For so many years I would slide back into old habits and give up. This time, I may have a bite of something not on plan, but I only have a bite and instead of seeing that as a failure, I see it as part of the plan and stay focused on my long range goal of being healthier and happier.

Thanks for posting!

Hi Michelle!

Your post really hit home. I can so relate! Guess what? I've been here 11 years! Yes, 11 years, and still battling my weight up and down

I was actually thinking about this not long ago. Thinking what a shame it was that I have wasted all these years and still not gotten it under control. In the end, you are right. We can't change what was yesterday. All we can do is work on today and hope for tomorrow

You have come a long way and struggled through something very difficult. You should be so proud of yourself for that

I think that saying out loud "this is me and my situation" is a good start. Sometimes just admitting a struggle, and saying you need help can take a lot of weight off your shoulders, and relieve you of that burden and allow you to do what you need to do.

There are so many great ladies on here to inspire and help. The hard part is asking

I'm so glad you did because it was something I've wanted to do and didn't have the guts.

I wish you the best. We can do this!

Hi Michelle! You were one of the first people on the "Shiftworkers" thread I started in 2008. Looking back through those discussions none of us made much progress and apparently only you and I are still struggling on. Are you still working nights?

I gave up the Fall of that year but starting at Lent this year I decided to really try again and I've been doing okay. Slow and steady, day-by-day (or night-by-night as the case may be...). And really, day-by-day is the only way to go. Every day is a fresh start, every day is a new chance, a new beginning. If I can do it - 30 pounds in 3.5 months - then you can too! I know you can!

Hi Michelle! I notice you mentioned that you are recovering with the help of AA. Do you consider your inability to stick with any one plan a result of overeating as a disease? I've known people in the past who have greatly benefitted from being a part of Overeaters Anonymous. It uses the same 12-step style program that AA uses. If you are aware of this and find it doesn't work for you, sorry. I just thought I would mention it.

For myself, I don't feel like I have a disease (overeating), but I have made unwise choices all of my life when it came to food, fitness, etc. I am working to change those areas of my life, and it is working for me. I hope you can find a program that works for you.

BTW, joining in our Biggest Loser contest at work this year helped me start on my new lifestyle. I won!

I think it is great that you came and posted. To many times let our embarrassment get the better of us. So what you've been a member for a long time? I'm sure you learned through this journey and no one is going to make you feel bad for coming back and saying you want to start again. We all lose weight and maintain those weight losses at different rates. There is no mode you have to fit into and your journey is unique like everyone else. You could have stayed off the board in shame and gave up on your journey, but you didn't! Congratulations on your re-introduction and you have a whole support system here!

Hi Michelle - it's so good to meet you! For me, when I started, simply acknowledging where I was in weight was important in my recovery. And, honestly, I do think there is a "recovery" aspect to losing weight because there are addiction-like pathways that form in the brain when we eat certain combinations of foods. For me it was sweet bakery-type foods that really made it impossible to control so I had to cut out these type of foods completely. Other foods I eat only in a controlled setting where overeating is not possible. It is just how it is best for me to cope with trigger foods because if they are in my house they will be *gone* in a nanosecond!

So, welcome! welcome! back to our journey. We are all there for each other. I hope you are there for me too because -- believe me -- sometimes I need it badly. I'm not the kind of person to reach out too much but I'm always so glad when others reach back to me. Hugs, CJ.