I'm really not sure what happened this weekend. My 20 month old started school on Monday putting an end to a rather hectic life my husband and I were living with our work schedule to keep him at home full time with us and a lot of stressful situations came to a close in my life. So I'm not sure if it was a relief of stress in conjuction with new stresses (stresses about my son going to daycare and they fact that I have to move my workouts to 4:30 am to fit them in) or if I just needed a break, but I had my first MAJOR binge in 4 months on Friday night, followed my less than comendable eating on Saturday, followed by a greasy chicken sandwich and a deli style hamburger Sunday. For some reason I just gave myself permission to throw everything out the window for the weekend.

Fortunately I stayed away from the scale for a few days and got right back on track on Monday and the last two days the scale has been kind, in fact I'm down today (I need to change my ticker) to 162.2. I feel guilty, but I don't feel that guilty. I mean sometimes this stuff is going to happen and it actually has been coming, I've just been resisting. I've been having to talk myself out of not eating certain things for a few weeks, when usually I want the healthier option or gum will knock out the caving. Now I almost feel like it's out of my system and I'll be good for another 4 months at which point I might need to throw it out the window again for a weekend.

Most of the time this new lifestyle just feels like old hat and I don't even think about it, but other times it's just such a struggle. I guess I'm using this post as sort of a journal (I think I need to start one) and I don't really think I have a question here. Part of me really wants to start therapy so I can find out where these binging tendancies come from, but part of me is afraid to and afraid that it won't really accomplish anything. Like if I know ok...I binge because of X, then ok I know that but will that make me stop binging? I mean I think I binge because of stress and from being bored, but knowing that doesn't make the urge go away. So anyway, thanks for letting me ramble on.

I gave up trying to figure it all out. I know a few of my triggers and I try to stay aware of where my emotions/mood is at all times.

I decided to accept a dose of reality. I will always have the tendency to binge, it is too deeply ingrained in me to say I am cured of it. I have been obese, I have been thin and everything inbetween. I have kept a 120 pounds off this body for 7 years, I gained it back plus when I thought I would never do so again.

Now that I have accepted it, I watch out for the tell tale signs of relapsing. It starts out ever so innocently, sometimes it's just about wanting to taste something once again. I stop myself from justifying it and eventually I can let go. It takes a blink of an eye to binge....I always stay on the awareness side.

I am 1 year binge free, 8 months on my diet. It can be done, but it takes constant vigilance.

My biggest helper? Blogging/journalling/writing....whatever you want to call it.

I have to say that hearing about other peoples struggles in so helpful to me. I have had binge tendancies for most of my life. I remember as a kid sneaking into the kitchen to make myself big plate sof cheesy nachos, or eating 5 or six pieces of buttery toast in one sitting. I was lucky and played enough sports to still sit on the verge of healthy weight. But as I have gotten older it is getting tougher. Every year I end up reaching a new highest weight I have ever been. It's inspirational to know that you have been able to go that long without having a binge episode. I think I have never even gone a month without having eating bouts like that. Just two days ago I bought a bag of potato chips and a container of dip and ate the entire thing. Then that night hadthree large pieces of pizza and cheesy bread sticks. I woke up throwing up at 4 am. All the greasy awful food made me feel so sick. I now feel like eating like that is something I can never do again. But I am afraid I have a binge hangover and the desire to eat like that could return, and keep me from being healthy.

I just don't think we can be "perfect" all the time in any aspect of life... I mean, right now I am poking around on 3fatchicks.com instead of doing my work. I haven't really gotten much done today.

My house isn't perfect.

My exercising isn't perfect.

My grades in college weren't perfect.

So... my eating isn't perfect either. If I can get it right MOST of the time, then that is really all that is needed.

Hey, whaddya gonna do.

Congrats on your weight loss so far!

I don't think you should feel guilty at all! Guilt is not a productive emotion, imo. Things are going to happen and it is not the one meal or even one weekend that gets people up to the weight I am. It is a lifestyle that does it, just like it is a lifestyle that keeps people fit and slim. So long as you live the lifestyle, the 5-10% you may not be perfect won't undo the whole thing.

I am going to be exploring the lies that kept me fat (I use past tense even though I am still obese because I don't want to remain in that mindset) in my blog soon. I think therapy would be a great idea, but blogging is free LOL

Again, congrats on your loss and good for you for getting back in the saddle and soldiering forward