I'm going to respect that you know your own needs and the state of the relationship in real life. The whole "Is this worth it?" question. That's for you and your marriage counselor.
On the food conversation... go super simple!
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And then, after a nice heart to heart, if he buys ME junk, I'll toss it. If he buys HIMSELF junk and leaves it out, I'll just move it to "his" cabinet. And if he messes with my food, it will be ultimatim time. I will not live with someone who is tampering with my food
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YES!
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1. Assure him I am not going to look for any other man.
2. Assure him I don't want to control what he eats, that he is welcome to buy and eat anything he likes.
3. Let him know how much healthier and happier and what a better mother I am with this lower weight.
4. Assure him that he does not need to feel pressured to lose weight WITH me, but if he decides to, I will support him.
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#1 is about trust and fidelity. Does not belong in food convo. Save it for separate convo.
#3 is not necessary. It's like you are asking for his permission or blessing before you can get on with improving your health. Your body and your health is your business not his and you do
not need his permission, blessing, or approval. You have already begun and nobody is stopping you.
Your conversation outline doesn't address the kitchen space. Get practical. And no exceptions like
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If he starts offering me anything else I will just tell him NOT to offer me ANY foods unless they are plan fresh vegetables that I can make for dinner. Period.
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Way easier to go "You deal with your food and I deal with mine." Black and white. Once you start fuzzing the boundaries, I get the vibe he's going to keep testing them to see if they fuzz some more.
Just manage the shared kitchen space like any reasonable person would. Keep the food convo short and sweet. Something like...
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I want so assure you that I want to work on our marriage and you are welcome in my house. I hope we can be together in the same house again. However I need to stay on plan for my health. I can't have a crazy kitchen. I expect you to help keep a neat shared kitchen while you are my guest here.
1) You are welcome. This is your fridge/cabinet areas. Put whatever you like there. These are my areas.
2) For now, I do my own cooking. You do yours. That is the simplest way to go to make food a non-issue so we can focus on the relationship issues that do matter. We can share cooking for the children when you are here.
3) If you buy more than fits in your storage areas here, I'm sticking it by the door for you to take it back to your house. I'm not telling you what to eat or what to buy for yourself , but if you are buying so much it doesn't fit into the space here, it makes a messy kitchen. I expect you to deal with your own things. If it gets forgotten, I just put it out with the trash. I know it sounds extreme, but I don't want there to be any surprises, so I suggest just not overbuying so it isn't wasted.
4) Do you have any of your own food needs or concerns I need to know about so I can respect your kitchen space?
Thanks for hearing me on this one. I appreciate it.
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End of story. You aren't telling him what he can and cannot eat, you are not making him unwelcome. You are trying to make room for him in your space and in your life while still maintaining your needs and health goals.
Best of luck!
A.
