Another thing is the acknowledgement of the fact that yes, we're overweight.
I think I tend to agree with that statement when discussing it with anyone. My whole life I have learned to try and own and love what I have, so naturally, I am inclined to defend it if it comes under attack. "It" being my body. So since I have finally decided to take steps to become healthier, if not lighter, in a way it is admitting that while I don't hate my body, there is certainly something wrong going on that everyone else has seen and pointed out.
The only people I really talk to about my weight loss, has been a couple of close friends, my grandmother occasionally, and I'll mention it to my Dad as well because he has recently gained some weight as well because he quite smoking and I would LOVE to see him take it off. If that means me talking about working out and weight with him, then I'll sacrifice that to see him get healthier as well. I've also mentioned working out with commitment to my mom in passing.
Still, if I could jump in a closet, work out for a year, and then appear suddenly to show everyone what I've been up to then I would. I suppose it's the exciting feeling of thinking "WOW! Look what I'm doing now, and look where it's leading!"
I try really hard not to be defensive or unwilling to talk about my weight, particularly since the only people I've told about working towards weight loss are close to me.
Still, it's hard sometimes. A situation came up yesterday with my grandmother, who wants nothing more than to support me and for me to loose the weight, where she really mad me embarassed and angry with comments she made.
I was in the kitchen, eating a concoction of 2% greek yogurt with rasberries and walnuts mixed in (YUM!) and talking with my Dad about it. I let him try the yogurt, he mentioned saw dust, and it was all fine and amusing. I was also wearing a pair of size 18 pants that are much tighter on me than my other pants of the same size that I wear. I only wear those when the other two are dirty or I'm just around the house.
Then my grandmother comes over and says "Oh, the back side looks really good! Now you just need to work on the front!" (She was referring to my stomach.) She even reached to touch it, which I'm sorry, when we're talking about weight, I would prefer it if you did NOT play with my fat. That instantly put me in a foul mood.
So I told asked her, if a bit defensively, what exactly she expected me to do? I had to explain to her that I cannot selectively choose where I loose fat from and if I could, hello! All the while my dad is nodding over his newspaper and throwing in a "yeah, she's right". I'm doing what I can with eating right and working out.
Well, she just looked me up and down and said, "Well that's unfortunate. Are you sure you don't have any growths?" (She was referring to a tumor she had to get taken out recently, that made her tired and took a made her stomach slightly larger, and wasn't doing her any good.)
It just made me SO MAD and MORTIFIED, because my Dad was sitting right there. I don't embarrass easily over these issues, but when I'm doing what I can and people make comments like that, it's very frustrating.
I ignored the comments further, because I know she meant well and was trying to joke about it. She didn't mean to embarrass me and I know that, but still!
It's very frustrating when you're working so hard and you want to talk about it, but it leads to situations like this.
The other person I would LOVE to talk to about it, I can't. My best friend is obese and becoming more so, because she refuses to do anything about it. Any time I bring up working out, because I get excited talking about it and want to share it with her and for HER to get it, she changes the subject or gets quiet. So that's definitely frustrating.
It's so great that we have this release though! Thank God for this forum!
You know, it's funny, because I used to not want to talk about it at all... and for me, it primarily stemmed from the fact that I pretty much "knew" that eventually I'd fail, and then I'd have to face the embarrassment of everybody seeing me still fat, or eating ice cream, or whatever, and it would make my attempts to lose weight seem that much more pathetic in retrospect.
This time, I started announcing to everyone that I was losing weight, and how much I had lost, and what I eat, and how I was doing it, because deep down in my heart of hearts, I KNEW it was going to work this time.
I don't find it embarrassing to talk about it. I find it really empowering to talk about it. The only time it bothers me is when I'm talking to someone who is still obese, and I sense that the person worries that I might be judging them... (I'm not.)
I'll talk briefly about it. I don't mind telling people I"m following Weight Watchers and trying to eat better overall. And I'll mention that I'm working out more too. But that is about my end line, minus a few select people.
I noticed something about giving more details. For example, if I say I've lost 45lbs, I watch the gears turn in their eyes. First, it starts with a guesstimate of how much they think I weigh now. Then they had 45lbs to it. The smarter ones ask how much more I want to lose. Its like those old-time circus people who would guess your weight. No, thank you. It was high enough without having to tell the world.
No, with things like these I think its better to let the results and my continued healthy meals speak for themselves.
I don't talk about it to many people except my boyfriend, my brother, or my closest friends. Nor do I try to hide it though. I'll tell people I have to leave cos I have to work out, or I can't have any of the cake sorry, or whatever, cos it's the truth. If people ask, I'll tell them what I'm doing and how much I've lost, but I don't announce it.
I got down to 199 last summer, and FLAUNTED it. Then, I gained 28 pounds when my boyfriend and I started dating. That was humiliating, and I learned my lesson. So.. I sort of keep it to myself now.
i made a passing comment once (to test waters you know), something like "i've gotta lose weight" and the next moment everyone kept going like "omg you're trying to lose weight right? don't we like you like that" stuff like that and i really just wanted to dig a hole and bury my head.
so now only my family (mostly my lovely sis) and you guys on this forum know! This forum has given me so much support. =)
One very insightful friend said: "The people who just don't want to talk about their work are the ones who are serious & are really getting something done. They don't want to talk it all out & let it go into the air without realizing it. They don't want to jinx it. Particularly when it's new. When it's well along, sometimes they'll start talking about it. But they tend to protect the newborn stuff."
This is wonderful, and very true. When I first started I hesitated to tell anyone but my husband because I was afraid of failure, I wanted to work on it myself and learn all I could about how to do it before I started talking endlessly about it. Then my work started to pay off. Now I'm happy to talk about my weight loss with anyone who asks. I don't mind telling them how heavy I was or how much weight I lost, but I think I feel free to talk about it now because at this point I feel I have been successful, so now I can let it out.
No, I don't talk about weight loss unless someone else brings it up and then I'm careful what I say and to whom.
I have a lot of people in my life who are all talk and no action and a lot of people who are NO talk and no action--so I decided to be no talk and ALL action.
I wonder if maybe it's easier for people who are older (thirties and up) because there are a lot more people at those ages who are focused on getting healthy, and it's a common thing... but I feel like out of people my age, the only people trying to lose weight are trying to lose 5-10 pounds and they don't even really need to. So maybe it's all an age thing?
I'm often in the company of people who are working on novels, short stories & poems, and sometimes I'm also surrounded by painters & sculptors.
It's common for them to bring up in passing things they're working on.
One very insightful friend said: "The people who just don't want to talk about their work are the ones who are serious & are really getting something done. They don't want to talk it all out & let it go into the air without realizing it. They don't want to jinx it. Particularly when it's new. When it's well along, sometimes they'll start talking about it. But they tend to protect the newborn stuff."
After a while, I saw this was often the truth. The people that sit around bull****ting endlessly about their novel (not yet written) often never write it.
Weight loss was like that for me. It was my big secret project & I was determined that I was going to just shut up & do it.
When I decided to stop sighing hopelessly about how hard losing weight was, or telling jokes on myself about my love of food, or commiserating endlessly with other heavy women & men, and I just. shut. up.
That's when I got serious. Real serious.
Whoa! That's me too! I'm getting more comfortable with talking about it, but I never bring it up either. I probably didn't talk about it with anyone, except for my DD22, DH and one very close friend, for about 6 months and 40 lbs later. I hated all of the attention that I got everywhere I went, but decided that I would just grit my teeth and get through it. Most of the talk has settled down now, thank goodness!
I'll only really talk about it to my immediate family, unless someone else brings it up first. I'm like that with pretty much everything, though. I try not to say something unless I know it's worth saying, or interesting or useful to the listener. So I guess it's not that I hate talking about it, it's that I hate being the one to bring it up.
I've lost so much this school year that all of my coworkers are noticing and bringing it up a lot. If they mention it, I'm more than happy to talk about it, but I'm not just going to go up to someone and say, "Did you know I lost 50 pounds?" I'd just sound like a bragging idiot.
I wonder if maybe it's easier for people who are older (thirties and up) because there are a lot more people at those ages who are focused on getting healthy, and it's a common thing... but I feel like out of people my age, the only people trying to lose weight are trying to lose 5-10 pounds and they don't even really need to. So maybe it's all an age thing?
Oh, honey. Bless your little heart. Nope, it isn't easier. Sorry!
It's different and its the same. As a teenager and young adult (20s), weight loss was mostly about vanity. EVERYONE was trying to lose weight. Prom (or greek formals) were coming up or summer bathing suits, etc. It was all so superficial. For those trying to lose more than a few lbs, weight loss was a very big deal. It wasn't just vanity, but fitting in and about identity issues. I would imagine that being significantly overweight as a teenager is much harder than as an adult (30s and up).
As a 30 year-old, weight loss is about different things. When I was a teenager, my self-esteem came largely from my appearance. Now, it comes from the fact that I am a college educated woman, have a great career, am a darn good mother and wife and have an active social circle. I have accomplished great things and that gives me more to draw from. If I don't like the size of my bum, I think, "Geez, let's work on that." Not disparaging things about my self-worth. As you get older and have more responsibilities and more life experience to draw from, weight loss will mean something different. Obesity in your 30s can keep you from enjoying time with your kids, time on vacations (at a time when you can afford to buy the trip wherever you want and not the trips your parents make you go on), from getting a job or promotion or feeling confident in public speaking, from feeling like a sexy wife, and also for the first time from feeling healthy. Poor health choices start to weigh in and you can find yourself dealing with issues there. Discussing weight loss in your 30s is hard because ultimately your peers never grow up - it's high school gossip forever. Now, your co-workers notice and your kids' teachers notice and the community as a whole in which you live and participate notice. That gives it a very public feel, but also means you have to deal with something that is personal in a multi-faceted way - as a mother, an employee, a committee member, etc. It can make it very hard to be respected professionally if it seems like you aren't confident yourself.
But discussing significant weight loss at any age is hard because you are admitting that you see fault with yourself and somehow giving everyone else permission to see fault with you also. It makes you feel very vulnerable.
I am so glad that you are getting a handle on this now! What a great place to be!!
