Howdy,
I do wonder why it took so long. I have an advance degree in engineering, known far and wide for my logical/anaylitical thinking and how I missed the basic science of calorie counting for so many decades is beyond me. Coupled with listening to erroneous advise about not weighing, throw the scale out, just use you clothes fit, and it was a recipe for disaster. After a year, I had gained 12# when I was trying to lose in a moderate sustainable way (NoS). So I had an extra 12# plus the other pounds to deal with. And a year gone. Thank God I didn't lose or have compromised health during this time which would have made losing weight even more difficult.
I keep thinking there was something I needed to learn and the thoughts I keep coming back to were: common sense (which is nothing more than accountability); better discernment of advice; & humility (the willingness to try something different and admit my ignorance).
Yes, all the time.Why didnt I stick to all the diets and exercise I started in my 20s 30s and 40s,and does it matter if I lose all the weight I want to now that I'm my 50s.I have to give myself a kick and tell myself of course it matters.do i want have this weight, these same thoughts and feelings 5 or 10 years from now?Idont let my less than perfect days totally derail me.tomorrow Is another day.
i tend to think more along the lines of "how did i let myself GET to this POINT?!?!" I'm not a stupid girl...I saw the handwriting on the wall...i felt my pants getting tighter and tighter...but STILL i did NOTHING about it...or if i did something it was minimal effort and the lost of a couple of worthless pounds just to gain them back and THEN some. Now the hard part (for me) is to stop the downward spiral because i'm beginning to feel like it's out of control. like i almost just want to say, screw it. i'm scared.
I've thought that so many times. I think its the cravings that were my excuse. It was hard to stop eating junk and really make an effort to think about what I eat and plan for it. Failure is also something that I have always been afraid of.
It is kind of depressing thinking about how much I have missed out on in the last 15 years. I've never liked shopping because there is only one store I can rely on that will have my size, even though I may not like the styles. I've missed out on being active. I think I've missed out on having more friends because I've isolated myself thinking no one would want to bother with this fat chick. It's hurt my self esteem. My relationship with my husband isn't as good as it could be because I feel ugly. I'm not sure what started me on the path of gaining weight. I know it started slowly after I graduated from high school. It really got worse after my dad died and I had to take care of my mom who was sick for years before she died.
I can only think now that I am on track and that it is my best interest to keep on track. I think of the future and all the fun I could have in shopping and being more active. I try not to think of the what if I fail scenario because its a worse failure not to try.
"It's hurt my self esteem. My relationship with my husband isn't as good as it could be because I feel ugly. "
WOW Lori Ann...you hit the nail on the head HUUUUGE right there for me. Although i'm not married, i do have a boyfriend that i have had on and off for 7 years, we have been living together for the past year (hence my weight gain from all the cooking i am now doing that i didn't do before)...i too feel SO incredibly unsexy...i HATE being naked in front of him...and i NEVER used to feel that way. even when we have sex (sorry for the TMI here), i'm not as comfortable or uninhibited as i once was because i'm afraid he'll notice "this" roll, or see "that" hanging down, or too much cellulite on my butt. Bless his heart he has never said or word but i just feel so ugly. Lori Ann you inspire me...especially that last line you said about failure. we CAN do this...we WILL do this.
"It's hurt my self esteem. My relationship with my husband isn't as good as it could be because I feel ugly. "
WOW Lori Ann...you hit the nail on the head HUUUUGE right there for me. Although i'm not married, i do have a boyfriend that i have had on and off for 7 years, we have been living together for the past year (hence my weight gain from all the cooking i am now doing that i didn't do before)...i too feel SO incredibly unsexy...i HATE being naked in front of him...and i NEVER used to feel that way. even when we have sex (sorry for the TMI here), i'm not as comfortable or uninhibited as i once was because i'm afraid he'll notice "this" roll, or see "that" hanging down, or too much cellulite on my butt. Bless his heart he has never said or word but i just feel so ugly. Lori Ann you inspire me...especially that last line you said about failure. we CAN do this...we WILL do this.
Thanks! I think finding this forum was one of the best things for me right now as I feel I can get things off my chest that maybe I really don't want to say or admit to the people around me.
I always think about this. I was well over 200lbs in Grade 9, and hated how I looked. The summer after, I went on a major diet and exercise plan and lost around 30lbs so I was then around 180. I looked so much better and felt so much better, but I was still very large. For various reasons I stopped dieting and exercising. I gained a little back, but was able to roughly maintain until university, where I gained even more. Cue the yo-yo rollercoaster that's been going on ever since.
I always think about how much better I would have felt during high school if I'd just kept going with healthy eating and exercise. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to Grade 9 and start my life over from there, and make different choices not just about my weight and health, but about other things I did, like where I went to university, what classes I took, who I dated...
I know it will never happen, but it would be incredible if it did. That said, I'm not dwelling on the past. I'm actually having real success this time on a lifestyle change rather than a diet, and I think this time it will stick. I take it one step at a time.
I usually don't think, "why didn't I do this sooner"? Because I know the "why", I didn't think that it was possible for me to lose more than a few pounds and keep them off. Impossible.
But I do often think that I wish I realized that losing weight is doable and had done this sooner. The past 30 years of my life would have been richer. However, unless I learn how to build a time machine, I can't change the past and I don't want to waste any of today regretting the past. I only have the assurance of "right now" and don't want to waste a precious second!
But I did do it before ... and I didn't do it in a rational or healthy way, and the whole losing weight & keeping it off became such an impossible burden & spiraled out of control into an obsession that left very little room in my life for other things. Which is why I agree with what BornToFly wrote:
Quote:
I almost try to look at it as there is a time and a place for everything, and I was supposed to take this journey at this time in my life.
Same thing with getting my bachelor's degree. I was distracted by so many other issues when I was 19 that studying methodically in an adult way was beyond me. By the time I was 29, I'd settled many of those other pressing issues & I really valued what my education could do for me, and I was able to go back to school & complete all my incompletes & earn my degree.
So I'm not surprised that maintaining a healthy body has taken me a while to learn how to do. There is a learning curve. There were other issues I had to deal with. It was time. I had a sort of psychological crisis, woke up & decided to seriously put in the time & effort. No more girly-girl playing around at "dieting."
A few times for sure. But I know I can't change the past and the present and future are here for my taking. Life just keeps getting better so I keep looking forward.
