Bad motivation?
 

Im not sure this is the right spot for this, my apologies if it should be some where else.

Is there a bad motivation? What I mean is the majority of my head is wanting to change my lifestyle to be a better mom and set a good example for my son and I know that's going to keep me going . . . . but . . .
there's a part of me - not such a big part, but a part none the less, that is thinking that a certain person will regret passing up the opportunity in 5 or 6 months when he sees the changes Im going threw. Not the best thing to admit, but it's true. I don't know if I'd call it revenge or sour grapes or something else . . . Im more concerned that it just shouldnt even be a factor in my thinking but it is.

Any thoughts on whether or not it's going to cost me in the long run or am I just over thinking this?

I think we all have lots of little things that run through our heads as motivating thoughts. If it helps get you through the day, then I think it's fine. When it stops being fine is when that "thing" you were working toward doesn't happen or it's not what you thought it would be like and you go back to your old habits as a result of the disappointment.

An example of this is the "great body" dream. Everyone wants to look great when the weight is gone, but the reality is extra weight has a way of leaving memories behind. So if you are disappointed by your resulting body and that was your prime motivation, there is a chance that you can backslide.

So if you feel like you are headed for disappointment if this person won't develop regrets or doesn't care if you've lose weight, then I'd probably drop it as a motivating factor. If you won't care if this person doesn't notice and will still be ecstatic that you did it for your son and hopefully primarily for YOU and it helps keep you on the treadmill when you want to get off, then I say use it.

My feelings are that if you were only losing weight and adopting a healiter lifestyle to show someone up, in the long run you might be making it harder on youself.

Is the thought of that person strong enough to get you off the couch to exercise when you don't want to? Is that person's surprised image enough to keep you from eating a chocolate brownie {my big weakness!} or slipping on your diet?

Using this person for added motivation might work for a time but in the long run I think you'd better forget this person and concentrate on yourself! What you want and what is best for you and your son.

I dont think Im actually expecting the OMG what did I miss reaction from them at all, if it happens it would be more of a funny irony to me.
It's not a huge factor in what's motivating me, but every now and again when I've got to do 5 more minutes or 1 more set of weights it's a thought that pops into my head - which actually kind of annoys me that it's even there at all to be honest. 95% of why I want to do this is for me and my little guy, and this falls into that 5%

I'd take most any kind of motivation when starting out. There's plenty of time later, when new habits have been built and strengthened, to work on improving your type of motivation.

I think a little less-than-best motivation is harmless. It's a problem though if it's your main motivation, because the reality never lives up to the fantasy. Even if the person has the reaction we imagined (and they never do) it's a big let down if there aren't more self-rewarding motives.

It's like when you imagine telling someone off, after they've hurt you. If you actually do it, it's never as satisfying in reality as it is in your imagination. They're either TOO hurt (and you feel like an ***) or they're not hurt enough.
The "just right" reaction just never happens anywhere but in your imagination. And even if it goes perfectly to plan, exactly as you imagined it, you're left with a "now, what?" let down feeling, because all the excitement that the anticipation of the event caused is over.

Yeah, revenge is one of those things that usually sounds a lot better to carry out than it is in reality. I'm all for whatever motivation keeps you going, but as others have said, making it your primary motivation can be a mistake. It sounds like you already have your head on straight, though, so you're good!

I know a lot of people are mainly losing weight for health reasons, but I have no shame in admitting that I really want to look better and that's a huge motivating factor for me. Good? Bad? Doesn't matter, because it's the truth--I do want to look better!

I'm more than willing to admit my own malicious reasons for losing weight. But of I have 98% solid, healthy, personal reasons for wanting to lose the weight and a mere 2% of vindictive reasons, I think its ok. We're human. As long as those reasons don't take over or become the sole focus, I think its more than expected.

I agree, ducky. I mean, health, looking better in general, being more active--all good reasons. And if a side effect is that certain someone has a twinge of regret when he sees us, well......we can't really help that, now can we? :devil:

I think we all have our little secret reasons, and I think that's normal and probably even healthy. When I'm working out and hating it, I don't have thoughts of "ahh, my body is going to be so much healthier and stronger after this" running through my head. I'm thinking about "I'm going to look better and show them a thing or two."

My ultimate goal is maintaining. I'm about halfway to my goal weight, but I'm in this for life. I'm determined to keep myself healthy for the rest of my life. So a healthy lifestyle is mostly my motivating factor, an improved body is a benefit of that. However, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to having that improved body and saying "na-na na-na boo-boo" to a few select persons. My father for example, I love him dearly, but he did a number on my self esteem when I was a kid. He's also overweight, but he made it very clear that it was okay for men to be big, but it was ugly for women. It made him feel better about himself to bring me down a bit with him. Now that I've lost weight and am looking good, I can't help but brag a bit about all the weight I've lost to him. I know he's proud of me, but I can tell he's a little jealous too.

I would also be lying to say that I'm doing this purely for health reasons. Shoot, I want to look good and feel sexy. I WANT to fit in society's opinion of thin is beautiful. Shallow and vain? Yea, I'll admit it.

I don't think that is odd at all. I ran into someone last summer I sure didn't want to see at my current size. I heard later he had said I was still beautiful in the face but sure had let my figure go. I had a few thoughts about you wait until I run into that jerk next summer at the same event and his jaw hits the floor.
I'm a 100% very happily married woman for the last 18 years. . I think picturing different scenarios in your head at your new healthy fit body is totally normal and a great motivator. I visualize scenarios when I am on the treadmill all the time. Many different types. Running into someone, stuff with hubby, being able to run a full marathon, a certain hot outfit etc.

I think it is a ok as long as someone doesn't think the new body will help get some guy back. Other than that (which is definately not what you described) visualize and fantacize away!

I'll be doing it right along with you:carrot:

is it bad motivation that I want to look better than my husband's ex? :devil: I'm cool with that! ;)

Whatever it takes to us to the goal, baby!!

I suspect many people start out their weight loss journey motivated by external factors that aren't always the healthiest. But sometimes that's just what it takes - once we get thinner and healthier, those not so healthy motivations may be replaced by better ones, once we realize how much better it feels to no longer be overweight. Whatever works!

I think some days it will give me that motivation to do an extra few minutes, but after reading what you guys had to say Im not feeling so annoyed with it being a thought in my head or a motivation.

Of course I want to look better, that's part of being healthy, looking healthy. I'm fortunate that one of my biggest supports is an ex and now best friend who to this day has always told me Im beautiful, and the times I don't feel it are very few and far between

That went a little off topic . . . my point was to say thanks, Im not at all concerned now that thinking that way is going to have a negative affect on what Im doing.

My main motivation is I want to have more self-confidence again, and just feel better about myself. I also have to follow a pretty strict diet because of migraine issues, doctors orders. But, I definitely have a few secret motivations! For instance, there's a few people from my old high school I REALLY want to shock, and be like "you had your chance." There's also an older guy I had a fling with, and I want to be able to not fall back into that old pattern next time I see him, because I'll have a lot more self confidence.

But those are small motivations, my real one is to be healthy and fit!

Yeah, I'm not sure how you'd find them with a search, but there have been a number of threads about "bad" sources of motivation, with much the same thoughts as have been posted here. I think it's one of those things that more people identify with than are represented in posts, because people don't necessarily talk about it. But, it does come up from time to time, and lots of people come on and say "Me too!"

i want to lose weight and get healthy for all the 'right' reasons, but.. i look at 'bad motivation' as an added bonus.. not relying on it at all but..it's still there :)

Yes I want to be healthy. Yes I want to feel better. Yes I want an overall better quality (and quantity) of life. But I'm not going to lie. I want to go "back home" in 11 or 12 months and shock the bejeezus out of a few people. Is it my only reason for making these changes? No. Is it an added bonus that makes me smile inside from time to time and gives me an extra push? Absolutely!

I gotta say, I wouldn't trade in that moment when my ex first laid eyes on my after he dumped me and I lost weight for anything. It lived up to every bit of expectation :^:

I do think it's harmless and I don't even think it's "bad"... just fleeting, and in some cases, fun ;)

Along with what Julie said, I began with this kind of motivation, but it became less and less important as time wore on.

My main motivating factors are all "good" and they drive me on and get me through all the setbacks. They are what are going to get me where I need to be.

But, as I get smaller, do I take great satisfaction in hearing compliments and seeing the surprised faces of those who passed up on the opportunity to be with me or who made rude comments about my appearance in the past? Of course I do! It's sweet.

As a boost to your motivation, "revenge" is no bad thing but you will probably find it is a temporary driver. Ultimately, doing it for yourself is the most important thing and it makes not a jot of difference what anyone else thinks.

I have those kind of motivating factors somewhere in my mind too. There's this woman that I know at my gym and she told me I will NEVER look like those "skinny" girls at our gym. NEVER. And that I should just forget about it! Well, I'd be lying if I didn't say that it would be very rewarding for me to see her once I'm at goal and to remind her of her (hurtful) statement! It's kind of a delicious thought, but it's not what drives me to kick my own behind ;) when I'm busting my buns during my workouts or what prevents me from reaching for a food I know I shouldn't have. No way. It definitely adds to the fun factor in this journey though! :)

One of my reasons for losing weight was to show my family that I'm not the fat, lazy slob they all called me when I was younger. That was revised after I seriously meant to start losing weight- I wanted to look good in lingerie. It's not as though my hubby will look, he gave that up ages ago. :tantrum:

But at least I will want to go to bed with me. :carrot:

My main reason was that I want to be fit and healthy. I look at some of my mates who are very large and they struggle to breathe and walk, have diabetes, eat all the time and I thought "I never want to get to this stage".

I think as long as it motivates you to keep going, there's nothing wrong with it. I have to admit, When I lost the first 70, my main motivation was looking hot and turning down every guy that tried to talk to me. I was in a Mike Jones state of mind. "Back then, you didn't want me, now I'm hot, they all on me"

Ahahahaha :D Is it bad that I want to be thinner than my mother so that she can't call me fat without insulting herself? ^_^

Umm, no, haha, I think that any motivation and insperation is good, if it helps the inidividual and works, then why not?

This might be a weird analogy, but just over four years ago I became I a vegetarian; the reason I became one was a really dumb one of "Because I can." But, the point is, years later, I'm still a vegetarian because what started out as maybe a pointless idea became more than that and the longer I became one, the happier I was with my choice and the more reasons I got to continue :)

End of random rant :D

I, of course, have the "I want to lose weight to be healthy" goals, but sometimes I feel like the bulk of my motivational material is more on the bad side. For example, I went away to college this year and in about a week will be seeing all of my old high school friends for the first time since this summer, and roughly thirty lbs smaller, I want people to think I look good. And then I'm just tired of being the fat one of my friends (at college). No, it probably isn't the healthiest way to motivate myself, but with a mental image of all the people in my senior class, and me looking good, I am much more capable of hoping on the treadmill or putting down that cake.

I am primarily motivated by health since the birth of my now 10-month old son. I want him to be proud of his mama, and I want to be able to keep up with him, play with him, chase him, go hiking, play tennis, go swimming, etc...I also have some pre-diabetes indicators so I need to treat my pancreas well these days. I want to be active and healthy, like my parents are now in their 70's.

However, there is a certain doctor that I can't wait to see and go "HA!". She is my former PCP and I asked her about diet plans and do's and don'ts as a person who is insulin resistant and she said "well, you're never going to be a thin person". Someday in 2010, I want to walk into her office and see her jaw drop. In the meantime, I have found a new primary care provider who believes I can do it.

Like my husband says: "if you want Erin to do something, tell her she can't". Nothing torks me off more than someone saying I can't.

For pretty much anything I do, I could come up with half a dozen reasons I am doing it if I stop long enough to think about it. Not all of them are entirely noble even when my actions appear to be.

I'm not sure whether to envy folks who say their motivation is pure or dismiss them as not having sufficient imagination (or self-honesty).

I think honesty is a lot harder than it's cracked up to be.

But also I think it's helpful to focus on the values you want to nurture. You become what you think about.

Not being diagnosed with the illnesses that plague my family was and is a huge motivator to me. Gaining self-confidence is a huge motivator too--and all that having it entails!

I used to think I had little or no control over my emotions, motives, and motivations -they were just a part of me that just "happened." I never realized how much their strength and very existence depended upon my nurturing them (which I did with great creativity and gusto).

I don't remember when I started to realize that my motives could be very nearly as pure (or impure) as I chose for them to be, but whenever I think I'm not in control, or recognize the less-than-generous intent, I try to remember the native american parable that illustrates the struggle of good and evil within me:




One winter’s evening whilst gathered round a blazing camp fire, an old Sioux Indian chief told his grandson about the inner struggle that goes on inside people.

“You see” said the old man, “this inner struggle is like two wolves fighting each other. One is evil, full of anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, deceit, false pride, superiority, and ego”.

“The other one,” he continued, poking the fire with a stick so that the fire crackled, sending the flames clawing at the night sky, “is good, full of joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith”.

The grandson pondered his grandfather’s words and then asked, “So which wolf wins, grandfather?”

“Well”, said the wise old chief, “The one you feed!”






Actually, I think there are a lot more than just two wolves. Some are obviously good, some are obviously evil, and a lot of them lie somewhere in the middle. Regardless, it can take just as much creativity to feed one wolf as it does to feed any other.

I honestly see nothing at all wrong with your motivation. It's not a bad thing to want to look good!

Interesting story--and a great time to recall it.

My motivation is really 60/40.

60% wanting to "look good," in a society where "looking bad" = fat and fat = being assumed lazy, slovenly, a lesser person, fewer promotions at work, etc etc etc.

40% is health.

I am not trying to change my motivations right now, because disgust at my appearance seems to be the only thing beginning to have any power to make me change. Is it a good thing? I'll worry about that when I'm farther along.

I think, like most people said, that if most of your motivation is coming from making long lasting, healthy and positive changes, then that's a good thing... but having little rewards for yourself ("they think I look hot" or "damn I look good in this bra") can be a really good thing.