All you have to say to that is, "My, what a personal question!"

Exactly the same for me! I get pretty angry internally sometimes. And I'm also british :lol: Someone told me i was looking healthy, and I think that is the best best best way to mention it- if I want to, i can say "thanks, ive lost some weight" and if i dont want to, i dont have to! its much better than saying "have you lost weight?" because to me there is always a niggling little voice that says what they mean is "wow you were pretty fat before, now you look soo much better, hold on while i examine you when i think you arent looking"

you know what, it depends on who it's from. My friends all know that I'm losing weight because I've been so open about it, but I was reluctant to tell my family other than my parents.
Recently people at uni keep saying things about how I'm looking good and slender LOL and I can't seem to keep a straight face. I guess it's better than that look of disgust when someone looks you up and down to see how much weight you've put on!

People do need to be careful about asking others about weight loss. Unless they know that the person has been trying to lose weight, they might find out that the weight loss is due to illness or some other type of stress.

This happened to me once...it was a young lady at the grocery store I frequent who works in customer service. She was never really overweight in my mind but she was pretty "hippy" and somewhat out of proportion. One day I noticed that she had lost a lot of weight and asked her about it...I even said "Were you trying to lose weight? I hope everything's okay." I was comfortable asking her this since I'd go to customer service on a fairly regular basis so we were familiar with one another. She was super nice, not at all offended, and said she'd been sick and had dropped about 40 lbs. She really was a little too thin at that point (although I didn't say that) but I was glad I worded it that way because I kind of suspected that she might have been sick. Her face was pretty drawn.

So unless I know someone is deliberately trying to lose weight, I generally don't comment.

But it sure doesn't bother me when others compliment me on my weight loss...I'm working hard at it and I love the positive reinforcement of a compliment, even if it's in the form of a question! :)

Yeah, I'm hoping I'll be able to react to them in a better way as time goes on...:^:

THANK YOU! This is what I was trying to say but wasn't able to word correctly :dizzy: I completely agree.

I don't mind the compliments at all, but I do hate the "how much have you lost?" follow-on question. I don't want to tell people (except you all... that I don't mind) because I don't want them to know in actual numbers how bad I let myself get. Sure, they had eyes, but putting a number to it just sounds awful to my ears. Argh, such denial I'm in!

See, I can say this to perfect strangers or those who I'm not overly fond of. I am also fond of "enough" and "more than 1 and less than a million", with a pointed glare.

With people I am super close with, including my SO and my mother, I feel like I cannot lie...because I don't like to these types of people in general. And while I know they won't judge me, I also made it a point to avoid numbers for a while. Perhaps one day, I'll get to a point where I can just confidently number-drop

I agree with the above posters that it depends on who's making the comment.
But for the most part I like the "Have you been losing weight?" comments. I always wanna be like, "**** Yeah I've been losing weight!" I've been working my butt off (no pun) and someone had better notice!

I got two such comments two weeks ago. One from an older lady I work with in the same department. She noticed that my clothes were baggy (I'm between sizes..still too big for the next size down.) and she just said.
"You're losin' some weight darlin' "
Which made me feel great and proud and I just said.. "Yeah almost 20 pounds"
"Well good for you."

Having people who arn't always around you notice is one thing. but when people you live with and see most every day is another. I haven't lost enough weight for it to be noticeable to the family yet. and I can't wait until one of them suddenly realizes I'm way smaller than what i normally look. I can't wait for that comment...it's like a secret mini goal in my mind.

I'm a weirdo :D

I've lost 37lbs and a few have noticed. I seem to be getting a lot of compliments about my hair though. Strange.

Me too! I want people to notice because I've worked really hard to come this far. I am very happy when people notice and I always say "Yes I have thanks for noticing"

Now for the how did you do it question....this one tends to annoy me more, because when you tell people "diet& excersice" they almost always get give me a funny look...almost like I'm hiding a big secret!;)

I don't love the compliments, but then I do... I know it sounds crazy!! I went into work for the 1st time in awhile yesterday and I was ready for questions...then no one said anything. Granted I have only lost 14 lbs...BUT I was mooing that I didn't want anyone to notice and then when they didn't ... well now I am mooing about them not noticing. I hope I don't sound too crazy.

I love what beerab had to say...be gracious and positive.

I think this means that people ARE noticing, they're just not sure what it is that they are noticing. Does that make sense? They know something is different, they know you look good, so they compliment you on how great your hair looks because they can't quite put their finger on what it is that is different about you. :)

You're probably right. It can be confusing since my face is noticeably more angular now... it can easily be confused with more voluminous hair I suppose. Any and all compliments are welcome!

I don't really enjoy these comments for several reasons.

One is my rather inhibited, 19th century idea that in polite, rather distant relationships, like with coworkers & slight acquaintances, the convention ought to be that we don't really have bodies. Our relationship isn't physical, after all. So we really shouldn't be noticing anything from the neck down. We just work together or know each other just a bit. Nobody should be making nekkid pictures in their heads. (This isn't realistic, I know. Particularly for men. But it's the polite convention that we live by in day-to-day society.) So I don't like when my body becomes a topic of conversation. I don't like thinking that they may have talked with one another about it, even briefly, before thinking to say it to me. I don't like that they've been eyeing my body and describing it to themselves. Because most of the time, peoples' bodies AREN'T brought up in public discourse -- unless it's in the media, and in a sexual context, regarding a woman who makes $$$ through her appearance, an actress or a singer or a video vixen who's selling her sexuality as part of her performance. Occasionally, it's about a woman athlete instead. (Dara Torres comes to mind, and the Williams sisters, and other names whenever the Olympics or some sporting event comes around.) I am clearly not in that category. My body's not on display & is not being merchandised to my profit. So it should be a private matter, an intimate thing, discussed only by close friends.

The other reason I don't like it has to do with why I probably got overweight in the first place. It's because I lived from the neck up for a long time. I was in denial about my body. I couldn't really "see" it, for what it had become, except in flashes, in my most unhappy and miserable moments. I ignored it, I pushed thoughts of it aside. I could even "photo shop" it mentally when I looked in the mirror, to make it acceptable. Which is why photographs were always such a painful shock, because I could not blur or edit them, the way I saw myself in daily life. Anyway, because I saw myself like that, I really hoped that others did, too. It's painful to face the reality that they did not, that all the weight was clearly visible. Yeah, I was in deep denial. Not so much, now. ;-)

Okay, here's the deal Summerlove. When you deny it, you are...well...lying. Sadly, there is no way to say this gently. You are just out and out being dishonest. People know or will soon realize that you are lying, and you will lose a lot of respect from others, because most people don't like hanging with people who are dishonest. You say you don't want people to see you differently, but they will see you differently if you continue to be dishonest with them....and it has nothing to do with weight. If you don't want them to know, (or ask you about it) maybe you should just tell them you do not wish to discuss it. yea, it will probably sound *itchy, but at least it's not a lie. I have to wonder why you don't want people to know. Is it really because you will think they thought you needed to lose weight, or is it because you don't want people to know in case you fail? I have been in your shoes before, and I do know what you are going through, but looking back, the times I tried to keep it secret were the times I didn't have total confidence in myself. :hug: