Do you ever think....
 

about how you let yourself get so big and unhealthy. I sure do and all I can come up with is I love food and hate exercise, but how did I let myself get this way?:?:

I always have had depression issues, and poor eating habits and just gave up and didnt care for years. I used food emotionally to make me feel better knowing it would make things worse later on. Well today is later on and its time to let it go! I treat it like an addiction, one day at a time one minute sometimes.

I've had a weight problem almost my entire life... so I guess that's my excuse. I learned at an early age to eat whatever I wanted, sat in front of the TV, etc...

As an adult its a mix of emotional eating and just not eating the foods that taste so good.

I too always said that. Loved food, hated to exercise. But I realized that it was just an excuse....

I try not to dwell on it too much - why I allowed myself to become super morbidly obese. It came to be the point where figuring out the hows and whys were not important. I wasted enough time thinking and wondering and delving. It was time to just take some ACTION. You don't have to have everything all figured out to make a change. You do discover things as you go along.

It is one thing to love food, which I did (& still do, even more so acutally). But to ABUSE food and over eat it, is another story. Because make no mistake about it, OVEReating IS a form of abuse. You have to love yourself more then you love the food. You and your well being has to come first. And second. And third. And FIRST. Nothing has to matter more then getting the weight off and keeping if off. Being healthy has to be a number one priority. Not food.

And the funny thing is, now that I've lost the weight and through my journey, I've REALLY learned to love and enjoy food. I appreciate every single precious high quality morsel that goes into my mouth. Before when I was eating everything and anything and shoveling it in my mouth, it never made me HAPPY. Never. It may have tasted good (looking back, not ALL that good), but then what???

As for the hating of exercise. I hate to pay my bills. But it's necessary. And to not do it would set me up for a big hassle of unmeasurable proportions. BUT, here's the thing you develop a taste for it as you decide to do it. You get into it and learn to LOVE what it does for you. It just becomes one of those things that you do. It becomes part of your life, your schedule.

I still haven't quite figured out why I thought it was okay to let myself get so heavy. Why did I not care enough about myself? What didn't it and I matter enough to do what was required? Yes, I experienced some childhood trauma, some depression, some, some, some... But I look back and they were all excuses. Luckily, I don't look back all that often. It's a waste of time. And I'm too busy enjoying my life. I've got a lot of catching up to do! :)

I think for me, there were many contributing factors, some I had control over and some I didn't - some I DO have control over and some I don't.

I do think there's a common misconception that a person has to be some kind of really messed-up crazy to get fat, or at least to get very, very fat.

I don't think that's the case at all. I spent too many years trying to find and fix my "crazy." I was told in so many ways, by so many people that I wouldn't and couldn't fix my binge eating until I had identified and dealt with my "issues." At one point I was convinced I must have "repressed memories" of something terrible, because it was the "only" explanation for my severe morbid obesity. And yet, how could I be so sane, and even well-adjusted if this were the case?

I do suspect that there are genetic predispositions that can get the ball rolling. If I were raised in a part of the world where food is scarce, I probably would not have gotten fat (or at least this fat). So, I'm not dismissing the role of environment - as they say "Genetics loads the gun, but environment pulls the trigger."

I don't know what combination of events and choices in my life pulled the trigger (over and over again - this wasn't a "one shot" deal), but I did find that I don't need to identify the bullets or the shooters.

For me, I found that what I eat completely changes the tendency to overeat. If I eat certain foods, I can lose weight fairly comfortably. There are also some foods that will trigger intense hunger and cravings (and they're foods that are everywhere and are constantly being pushed either as healthy (whole grains and high-sugar friuts) or as emotionally rewarding celebration foods (refined carbs - can't have a party without cake).

I also think that for many people, finding the Source, isn't necessary. I don't have to find and identify every factor in my life that was behind each "gunshot." I don't have to ask "how did I get here," to answer "how will I get THERE."

For me, it was simply slipping into bad habits. Eating too much of all of the wrong things. Over-reliance on fast food and take out as a busy working mom shortcut. And not moving enough - I had become pretty much a couch potato with a sedentary office job. It wasn't anything sudden, it was a slow, steady creep up and up, that I intentionally ignored. Wouldn't get on the scale .... just reached for the larger sizes in my closet. I lived in the Land of Denial. At least until I got to a point where I just couldn't ignore it any more, and decided to do something about it.

I just overate and didn't exercise. In high school, I was on sports teams which forced me to get my exercise in for the day. In college, my first year I exercised on my own and watched my diet (I hated most of the food) so I was able to lose weight. My second year onward the courses got tougher and I made more friends so I had more of a social life and when I wasn't hanging out with people, I was studying. Grad school was incredibly stressful. I remember my Spring semester of my first year just eating Chinese food for 2 weeks straight. EVERY NIGHT because it comforted me and I was majorly depressed about my life at the time. I go through phases of exercising and eating right, mostly when my pants got a little too snug. Then when I lost 5 lbs I would give up and go right back to eating the way I used to until the next bout of binging came along.

Hoping to break the cycle now. :) I've been eating in moderation since early August, so it's still too early to tell. :^:

For me, it wasn't about overeating or hating exercise (which I don't hate I just get bored with lol). It is far more rooted within myself as to why I ballooned up to 340+ pounds. After years of abuse, in fact since I was 6 years old, and then my Mother taking her own life when I was a teenager which left me with my abusers alone...I basically went into what I call "darkness" and almost didn't come out of that. I did, obviously, and the result of that was to hide myself, the real me, behind a wall of fat. At the time of eating and eating I didn't realize that is what I was doing, but when I became self aware that is when things really started changing for me and that was in 2002 when I FINALLY said NO to my abusive step mother and father. They STILL were trying everything in their power to hurt me even though I was in another state, in fact I had moved to put some distance between them and me. So, saying no and standing up for myself, I could start to work on me, however I didn't really start the weight loss part until 2008. I wasn't able to separate my emotional side from the weight loss so I would start and stop and not get anywhere.

The more I work on my core issues, the more I shed my weight and then I come out of hiding, that inner me, the one I thought I was protecting. See if I was big no one would want me, no one would want to touch me, no one would find me...truthfully it was probably just another way of killing myself. Now that I'm working on my issues I can look at my weight loss journey with practical eyes. You know, eat healthy, exercise, etc. I also can look at my issues and really work on them. I struggle, sometimes a lot, but at the end of the day I have chosen to LIVE and I have chosen HAPPINESS over dying. I don't want to be in pain anymore and now I feel a lot more free than I ever have! I feel physically free and emotionally as well. Still not there and I may never be "there," but I'll be somewhere far more positive and inviting. :)

As a kid I was a thin kid and as a teen I had slight weight issues, emotional eating started around then, but never was I that big until I had just had enough. I grew up in a world where I was called worthless, stupid, and treated like I wasn't anything good. I wasn't pretty, I was to be used and terrorized. Humiliated in public for being "selfish" and "ugly." That was my step mother and father. My Mother, on the other hand, was a troubled woman. She had issues ,but NEVER abused me. She did neglect me as she was cruel to herself and that would spill over, but she loved me and taught me a valuable lesson. You can LOVE yourself and LOVE the world without strings attached. It isn't "if I lose weight I'll love myself" or "if I'm pretty I'm worthy of love." Love is love, and I'm learning how to love myself. I'm not there, but I'm getting it now that I can separate things a bit.

That is how things are for me and what my journey, life journey really, is about. :) That is where I was versus where I am now. :)

Yep. I thought about it for years and years. Funny though, it ultimately took me about 5 minutes to know why I was stuffing down my feelings, but it took 20 years to stop doing it. I have a friend who has been going to therapy for about 5 years now to understand why she is overweight. She has a long list of garbage that I'm am sure got her to where she is at. Well, so she knows, NOW WHAT?, she still isn't doing anything about it and is still blaming everything/body that she and her shrink identified as her trigger/s. Knowing the reasons hasn't help her one iota, she is still morbidly obese and miserable.

I got so big because I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it. I ate HUGE amounts and did not ever get off the couch. I would say I was "active" because I stood all day at my job or I took an aerobics class twice a month. Or I would say I was eating healthy since I eating broccoli with my 2000 calorie dinner.

When I made the decision to lose weight In Feb. I was all prepared to get to the root of all my issues and finally be able to lose weight. I thought solving some deep lingering issue would magically make it easy to lose weight.

Then I joined this board for added support and time and time again I read posts similar to the one above and it hit me: It doesn't really matter so much why I got so fat, what really matters is that I have can change it. I have the power to change my eating habits I have the power to make better food choices and become more active, and lose weight. Putting that philosophy in practice has made all the difference for me :-)

I think everyone has a story. What I have tried to do in my life since I began my journey is weed out things and people that were/are not working for me. Overeating food was AND is one of those things. I came to a point where I realized and believed the food just wasn't THAT good. The food wasn't working for me. It was a dead end. It was a brick wall. I could only get so far on the food. To continue I had to do something different.

It took me a long time to fully understand and realize things/people that did or didn't "work" for me. I am still learning how to handle those things/people. I wasn't taught to question those things/people growing up and I married very early. I'm a slow learner but once I get it, I GET IT.

I had a baby and gained pregnancy weight. My son was born premature, so I spent time in the hospital, couldn't breast feed (a big calorie burner), and ate on the run. When he finally did come home, I spent more time focusing on him than me. If I could go back now, I'd have jumped on the treadmill the second the doctor cleared me. My son is doing just fine and is happy and healthy, and I want to be a happy and healthy too.

I know what happened. I'd gain 5 lbs then lose it but I never got this big before.
I know it was due to depression. I just got married and we were going through the adjustment process and to top it off I had my first miscarriage 2 months after we got married. Those two things combined, I had an attitude of "I don't care what happens to me." I ate a lot of fattening food with the thought "I can lose this later."
2 yrs later, I had gained 50 lbs, wondering why I did this to myself. All the 8 yrs I looked back at what triggered me to do this and I blame myself. I might have been angry at my circumstances and people around me. And my bad eating habits was a form of rebellion or "Sticking it" to everyone who admired my looks (family and husband). In all reality I damaged myself, everyone went on with their lives while I got stuck with struggling to lose the weight. I have no one else to blame but myself. Its my job to lose this weight because its my body and my health I have to think about. I'm doing this for me and no one else.

I think I was basically in a fog of depression. I was slim before I had babies, but gained a ton of weight with each (70 pounds with the first baby, 60 with the next). So after my second baby was about a year old, I had lost everything but about 20 pounds. My marriage was stressfull and I just slowly started putting on weight. It didn't help that, when I did go back to work, I had a sit-down job instead of the active jobs I'd had before.

So it was a combination of things....an unhappy marriage, the stress of working and raising 2 little kids, and an inactive job. After I got divorced, I'd been at my high weight for so long that it just kind of seemed inevitable that I would stay there. I don't think I had a bunch of deep-seated issues, I think I just got lazy and ate too much and didn't move my body.

It's been interesting reading everyone's stories!

I got pregnant when I was 17 and totally ignored nutrition. I went by the "I'm pregnant, I can eat whatever I want!" mentality. When I got sick around my 5th month, I stopped exercising and turned into a complete slug. In 9 months, I went from 175/180 pounds in my first month (overweight, but it was comfortable for me) to 280 pounds right before I delivered. I was 265 pounds after I delivered.

Right before my second pregnancy, I got down to 216 pounds. I was up to 235 in my 9th month and 220 after delivery. My gallbladder went bad, and I dropped back down to 215 very quickly. Once that was solved (and I could eat like a horse again) I ballooned up to 235. With my third pregnancy, I stayed right around there, but after she was born I crept back up to 255.

I never really fixed my "food issues" before. While my relationship with food isn't perfect now, it's much better than it was before. Like today, I had an extremely difficult fight with my husband and still managed to avoid the carbs and sweets. I'm more confident I'll succeed this time. :)

I think I was born allergic to sugar. I think it runs in my family. I have been overweight from birth. Never ate lots, just carb-heavy. The only way I could lose weight when I was younger was to just plain starve. Then I found Atkins in 1999, and it was like magic. The weight just fell off. Then I went through a divorce in 2003, and didn't care anymore, and went back to eating yummy carbs, and gained it all back and then some. Then I was extremely depressed for five years, and gave up. Didn't care. Then I finally worked through the depression and 'remembered' the Atkins. Went back on it, and within DAYS realized that *I* am far more important than any carb. Now, here I am, 140 lbs lighter, and I refuse to ever go back to sugar. No matter what. I've been through several emotional crises since beginning this journey but none of them have sent me running back to starchy sugary nasty unhealthy carbs. I'm done with them...forever.

I think there's a certain amount of validity to set point theories. I mean, my weight got up to 211 due to food choices I made, and lack of exercise, but I didn't have to TRY not to get to 300+. I just didn't get there.

And I would venture to guess that there are many people who DID get to 300+ while eating the same things I did, and exercising as little as I did - or maybe more than I did! I think it's ABSOLUTELY not as simple as calories in-calories out.

Here's an example. For months I've been ranging around 1500 to 1800 calories a day. Most weeks, I lost an average of 1 pound.

I got a little crazy and went back on the PWLC diet at 800 calories a day. At the end of that week - I'd lost 1 pound.

If it were a simple matter of cals in/cals out, I should have, by that math, lost 2.5-3 pounds, compared to the calories and weight loss I'd been experiencing prior to my super reduced calorie week. But that didn't happen (darnit! all that starving for nothing).

So while I absolutely agree that lifestyle choices we make do affect our present weight, it's also somewhat true, IMO, that you're going to weigh what you're going to weigh - just the same as a woman who wants to weigh 120 and she "lets herself" get to 145 and feels aweful...but no matter what she does and how lax she gets, she's never going to get to 200+ because that's just not in her physiology.

But all of this is not to say that we don't have the obligation to take care of ourselves, and do what we need to do to keep ourselves at a healthy weight - we DO have that obligation, and even though it may be phyisiologically more challenging for us to stay at a healthy weight - we do owe it to ourselves to do that :)

I also wanted to say, now that I've lost about 45 pounds, my husband has started feeling comfortable retroactively addressing my weight gain. I was about 150 when we met. I was about 190 when we moved in together, 200 when we got married, and topped out around 211. I would talk throughout that time about wanting to lose weight, and had a few false starts, but I really never got it under control until recently.

While talking about other issues, ie communication on touchy subjects, he's brought up the fact that he wanted to say something about my weight gain, out of concern for ME, but he didn't know how to approach it, didn't want to hurt my feelings, etc.

We are friends with a couple, and the wife is about 360 lbs. While they are obviously deeply in love and care for each other, by both their accounts their sex life is non-existent, and their enjoyment of life is somewhat limited by her health and mobility issues. In fact, spending time on vacation with this couple last year, with the wife not really able to leave her room for the whole 2 weeks we were at a beautiful beach house, was a turning point for me in terms of - not only do I want to relegate MYSELF to such a limited life, I also don't want to drag my husband down into that pit with me. He is vivacious and active and always on the go. While the primary motivator to lose weight should be one's self and one's own health and happiness, it does bear mentioning that we also owe it to our spouses and families to stay healthy and active, to fully participate in their lives, and to give them a parent/partner with whom to fully enjoy life.

We were at a state park last weekend and we walked about 1/2 mile out onto the jetty. My husband commented, "You would have never done this 'before'". I told him that was true - because carrying around 45 extra pounds, walking around was uncomfortable, physically! And also mentally, due to not feeling good about myself, I had no mental energy or ambition either. Now that I've lost weight and I'm in better shape from exercising, I can participate in activities that are fun and important to my husband, and I regret the time that I allowed myself to get so out of shape that he missed sharing those moments with me.

So things are much better on that front. When we talked about the issue last night, I apologized for letting myself get like that, because it reduced quality of life for BOTH of us. In terms of WHY I let it happen? I'm not sure. But in terms of now having another reason not to let it happen again? Well, if I can't get to the point where I love myself enough to do it JUST for me, now I have the experience of having a supportive husband whom I do love enough to keep myself healthy and fit - for both our quality of life :)

And being comfortable enough to walk around naked in front of him again - opens up new doors that don't bear mentioning in this forum! :)

Yes, I do at times but I try not to think about the past and just try to focus on the future

Prior to losing the weight and even during the weight loss process I gave it very little thought. Nowadays I think about the reasons and am very honest with myself. I find it really helps me to maintain.

Mine was genes and environment. As a teen I was slim - my girlfriends and I walked everywhere - we'd think nothing of walking 20 miles in a day to go to town. My parents are basically aging hippies and we always only ate healthy stuff. Then depression started in my teens - undiagnosed, but definitely there.

I got married at 20 and had my son at 21. Within the year after his birth, we had five funerals (three my family) and moved to Canada (from England). I was in this strange country, with a vast fast food culture that I wasn't used to, living and working with my in laws who are rigid, judgemental and cold...and who were going through the loss of their youngest son (our fifth funeral - car accident at 18). It was February and I'd never seen so much snow in my life - combined!

I had my first breakdown. For a year I got steadily worse and worse, I could barely get out of bed. I didn't cook, I didn't clean, I didn't go out. I had nowhere to go, no friends, no family and I couldn't cope with the snow that first winter. My doctor at the time told me to have another baby and I'd be fine - then he prescribed valium, librium and lithium. I was basically a functional zombie. My husband would get home and I'd just tell him to pick something up. So we ate junk every night - and a lot of it.

I didn't care about anything. I was so unhappy and alone, and I didn't even notice the weight going on. I gained 150lbs in a year. When my parents came out 14 months after we moved here my mum said that without my husband stood next to me, she wouldn't have recognised me in the airport.

I finally went home to university and took a break from my husband and his family. I was gone 18 months and dropped 50lbs, just by being happier. I got a good gp who finally diagnosed the depression and we started working on meds.

It's now 18 years on. I've still got 100lbs or so to lose - it's gone up and down over the years. The depression is finally (touch wood) under control with meds, and I'm ready to start facing the weight. I'm more in control of my life, and my reactions to my family and my past. After almost 20 years, I'm finding ME again. Now I just need to clear the weight so that everyone else can see her, too. :)

Thanks for asking this - hope I've not bored anyone. It IS good to hear other people's stories.

Yes and its so frusturating. Since 2002, I have gained and lost sooo much weight, with the lowest being around 177 and the highest being 290. I am hovering somewhere in between now and even then gain and lose the same 20lbs over and over again. For me, when I'm doing good, I am on top of the world. When things start going bad, I eat and eat. Even when its good again, I'm so far into it, that the eating continues. I feel disgusted that I keep regaining everything that I work so hard to lose.

I have been a self abuser since as far back as I cant remember. I just had to pickup where everyone else left off. I put on the FAT suit on and no one bothers me especially the opposite sex. its feels good. that's the first time I've had the guts to say that to anyone.

I am an emotional eater. I had minor weight issues as a teen, but in 9th grade I lost 40 pounds and maintained that weight give or take 5 pounds until my 13 yo son was about 2...then I have gradually gained the 115 pounds a little each year. For me it was fast food with the kids while we were on the go combined with loving to eat yummy tasting food. Pasta is hard for me. When I am hungry for pasta I want to eat it until I feel like I need a nap.

I think for me the food is a comfort even though it always makes me feel worse about myself. Being fat protects me from men hitting on me. Early in my marriage I was almost unfaithful because of attention from men. I was weak and young. It scared the heck out of me and I think on some subconscious level I started putting on the weight to protect my marriage. My husband has only said something about my weight maybe three times and it was always out of anger. We both have had our issues, but our marriage is at the best place it has ever been. I want to lose the weight for myself, but I also want to be sexy for my husband again.

I am sad that I let myself balloon up to 257. It scares me to think I am so close to 300 pounds. I could be in denial as long as I didn't see photos of myself because for some reason I can look in the mirror and tell myself it isn't that bad, but there is no denying my size in a photo. I don't want to beat myself up anymore, but I definitely need new habits. That is why I am here! I am so thankful for this community of sister "fat chicks."

My story no different than YOURS (yes, you reading this ;)) I was an average, fit, healthy kid/teen. Always ate what I wanted, never learned about portion control, or eating "healthy". In my later teens I was a little bigger more "athletic", I know if I wasn't a swimmer in HS I would have packed on some pounds. I was in the Army for 4 years, fit active but still never mindful of what I ate. I went from the 160's/170's in 2001 to 240 lbs in 2008. I packed on those pounds because I stopped working out, got older (slower metabolism), and still ate whatever I pleased.

I'll admit once I got over 200lbs I got the “who cares attitude” and probably ate even more. I love food but I know I got big because I ate crap, too much of it because of other issues. I like many of you am trying to work on some of those issues. But as Mikayla said, "It doesn't really matter so much why I got so fat, what really matters is that I can change it."

It is scary trying to face your issues as to "Why you’re fat" but it finally occurred to me that I am worth it, my health, and happiness is worth it. Sometimes you just have to "suck it up" (that's the old Army in me ;)) and do something about it, the key is to just do something, and keep moving forward. It gets easier. All of it does, the losing weight part and dealing with the issues of why. We all have our struggles, it's not easy every day but it might be easier tomorrow so KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

That took a lot of guts to share. Good for you :)

I couldnt walk for over a year due to an automobile accident and I learned alot of bad habits during that time. I was surviving on a few hundred calories a day and I messed up my metabolism so badly that when I started eating healthy again, the damage had already been done.

I have so much love for you right now.

I too used food to keep the opposite sex from me. I'm certain of it. No doubt in my mind. BUT, it then became just too hard and too much of a price to pay. I figured (after 20+ years mind you) that DEALING with that attention had to be easier then dealing with being super morbidly obese. And I was right.

Hugs to you whip1. You can work through this. I know it for sure.

I guess it all boils down to finding yourself worthy of happiness and health no matter what your past was like. its just that the past so why give the past an opportunity to spoil your future I wish I would have figured that out sooner. better late than never. I refuse to feed the Monster anymore...
Thanks for the Hugs! here's a Big Hug for all who needs one :hug:

That took courage. Does it feel better now that you got that out? Glad you felt comfortable to share that here :hug:

^You got it Whip! I think finding your self-worth is empowering :carrot:

I was heavy as a child but not overly so. Not slim, but I was still pretty active. I was an avid soccer player and a competitive Irish step dancer. (think Riverdance). When I put on a little bit of weight at 12, my mom and i did WW together and I was down at about a size 10 for a long time.
At 13, I tore a ligament in my right ankle and had to give up everything I loved because I physically couldn't play sports or dance any longer. About the same time, I started having issues with my period and was left with a unsure diagnosis of PCOS, due to a bad gyno. She told me to lose weight (which I was struggling with already due to the injury/surgery) and left me to deal with the rest of the side-effects.
At that point, I felt like my body was failing me. I was 14 years old, couldn't do anything I wanted, was faced with major surgery, was frantic about my reproductive health...and I stopped caring about what I put into my body. When my period would get bad, I would try and lose weight, only to be derailed by another injury.
By 16, I was a size 16. by 18, I was a 20. I was highly depressed and eating fast food almost daily because I didn't want to be home where I had healthy options. I was also self-injuring and that "too full, going to be sick" feeling was another way I could hurt myself for not being good enough. Or, conversely, I wouldn't eat for days, hurting my metabolism further. basically, I was hurting myself because I was fat and therefore not perfect...and I kept myself fat to ensure that I could continue hurting myself.

Wow, that was long, and more than people needed to know. But I find this thread interesting. The reasoning behind obesity is so interesting and this thread just blows the idea that all overweight people are just lazy out of the water.

wow, Ducky - that is hugely self aware....and tweaks a few thoughts of my own. And here's me thinking I'd therapied myself in to no secrets from myself! :) Good for you!!!!!

Whip - HUGE kudos for the post. I bow to you.

Thanks Habisham. Its taken...three years for me to get to a point where I can put something like that in print, although im incapable of verbalizing everything.
Oh what strange and interesting lives we all live...

I don't have to think about it. I know. It was a combination of loving to eat, moving around less as I got older (especially trading my bicycle for a car), and just ignoring my weight and telling myself that it really wasn't that bad and I couldn't realistically do anything about it anyways.

For me, losing weght and keeping it off has been a challenge that I have to pay attention to everyday. It's hard, and worth it. But I do know that if I stop constantly monitering my weight, I would be up to my bad old self sooner rather than later.

Being lazy is why for me -- really that's it. Just easier not to get up and work out or make a salad was too much work. UGH -- give me a bag of chips.

I also hate all the time I have wasted being unhealthy. My goal this time is to be healthy at wahtever what that ends up being.

These past months of weightloss have taught me exactly why I reached 280 before I turned 23. I had NO clue just what was in food, or what a real day's worth of food looked like. I was gorging on as much as 4000 calories a day. I liked the "real" stuff... no diet soda or fake butter for me! I shunned greens and ate pizzas and cheeseburgers. Exercise? Pfah! A comfy chair in front of the computer is my exercise.

And oddly enough, studying food and diet has saved me from gaining weight again, even when I screw up and binge. I don't BINGE anymore, I just binge. Because I know what the cost is if I go all out.

Ugh yes I didn't even realize I go this big until I look at pictures of myself with friends. I have become afraid of cameras because I can't stand looking at myself and having everyone see how big I am. It's weird when I don't look at myself for a long time I think I'm smaller than I am but I'm not

Yes...because i'm lazy, hate exercise and love to eat...and being fat is what I get...I'd rather be skinny and healthy and doing things that I dont really love doing lol

I can identify with so much that has been posted here.

For me, food was my only friend. Youngest of 7, the only girl (that brothers had no use for), Mother died when I was ten but had been sick for a while before that, a sensitive personality in a non-sensitive family, inappropriate touching that I was made to feel was my fault, basically felt left out of everything. But wait, food is always there. It only takes a quarter to get chips and candy at the corner store (inflation has raised that price). Food is never too busy for me. Food won't reject me. And if I'm fat, I have something to blame for not being liked. Boy oh boy oh boy.

Take overeating to deal with the feelings from all that and add that I now lead a totally sedentary life. 10,000 steps a day - ha, I bet I don't even get 500. Get up. Take a shower. Get dressed. Sit in car, drive to work. Sit at desk all day. Sit in car, drive home. Sit on couch for an hour or more. Go to bed. Repeat. After 43 years I end up at 314 lbs.

But.....today while standing at the fax machine waiting for a confirmation page, I did some arm circles, waist twists, and side-to-side steps. It's a start.