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Old 10-08-2009, 12:36 PM   #1  
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Unhappy Self Esteem Issues

I'm just incredibly dissatisfied with my appearance and weight to the point where I dislike going to social gatherings and interacting with people because I'm ashamed of the way I look. It doesn't help that I go to a rather prestigious university where I feel incredibly inferior to the rest of my classmates who seem perfect in every way - beautiful, and they must be talented and intelligent in order to even be accepted to the university.

I was wondering if anyone has any tips to improving self esteem and just being comfortable with myself. Along with the reasons I mentioned before, I'm also a minority in a predominantly white school, so I feel like I don't really fit the norm for a beautiful or pretty girl here, you know? I don't care at all about finding a boyfriend and attracting guys and whatnot. I'm just sick of feeling ugly and fat all the time and need some help stopping such negative thinking.

Thanks in advance for reading and any advice you can offer!
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Old 10-08-2009, 12:52 PM   #2  
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I think for me one of the things that has helped the most...Do whatever you can to take care of your appearance. Occasionally splurge on a $50 shirt if you think it looks amazing on you...get your nails done or your eyebrows done every once and a while...buy nice perfume, wear nice jewelry..

I guess for me my confidence issues were mostly because I did feel inferior then all those pretty skinny girls...but then I realized that If I took the time to make myself feel good about myself when I was alone, that I would feel better around other people too.

One of the best things I've discovered is heels. I NEVER used to wear heels, they were annoying and painful and I always just wore flip flops...but I got this new job where I'm in a business environment so I started wearing heels every day, and I don't know what it is...but something about walking around in heels helps with my confidence levels...

A good friend once told me "its not your size that makes the clothes look bad on you, it's the size of the clothes."

It slightly offended me at the time, but looking back on it I see what he was talking about. A woman wearing clothes that are too small for her ends up looking bigger then a woman exactly the same size wearing clothes that fit. Your size doesn't matter, you just have to find clothes that flatter your body.

I don't know if there is anything else I can say to help. I still struggle with a lot of the same issues myself...but I'm to the point now where I'm having more good confident days then bad days...so I guess I'm making progress.

Good Luck =D
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Old 10-08-2009, 02:39 PM   #3  
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This is a huge problem for me. I feel like despite anything else that's good about me - intelligence, humour, a pretty face or a sociable nature - the only thing people can see, are interested in or are going to judge me by is my weight and my size.

This is mainly due to the fact that at my highest weight I received absolutely NO interest from men. It was as though I was invisible. It has literally been in the past week that I have started getting interest from men.

I really hope that as my weight goes down, my self-esteem will go up. Because it sure as **** can't go any further down.
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Old 10-08-2009, 04:54 PM   #4  
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In order to be accepted to the university you have to be talented and intelligent? Well then you fit into this category as well! I can tell you from experience that in a sea of skinny white girls, the girl with exotic eyes and a story in her smile is 100 times more likely to be considered beautiful by her peers. You will never be overlooked because you blend in with the rest of all the 'normal' (aka boring) people. You have talent and intelligence, so work on being healthy and loving the fact that you will never have a forgettable face. Be healthy and happy for your own sake, live your life for your own benefit and forget all those other girls. If we live our lives constantly comparing ourselves to others, how is that fair to the little girl we once were.

Imagine yourself at 6 years old. What kinds of things did she love and want for herself when she grew up? Was she happy? Running around and playing in the yard, making up imaginary worlds to immerse herself in? Did she care what was socially acceptable or expected? Or was she just constantly running after her next smile?

Imagine having a conversation with your 6 year old self. Tell her all the wonderful things that are going to happen to her as she gets older. She gets into this wonderful school, she is chasing her dreams, she has learned so many wonderful new things... etc. make her proud.

And if there is anything else she really wanted, that you somehow left along the wayside when you were so busy growing up, anything from painting to building, to making up stories or just running in circles in the backyard, find a way to bring it back, to incorporate an adult version of it in your life now. Make her happy, and you'll find yourself smiling much more often.


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Old 10-08-2009, 05:45 PM   #5  
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EVERY woman has something. there is something about you that other girls are jealous of, believe me! we tend to blow off compliments and i think thats a bad thing. my whole life girls have told me they were jealous of the way my hair curls when it gets long (i hated it of course). when i got older and my self esteem was really low, i started embracing things like that. i DO have nice hair, it curls in ringlets at the bottom but isn't frizzy. i DO like my green eyes, theyre different and unusual.

find one or two things that you do like about yourself. do you have nice teeth or maybe pretty hands? think about compliments you have gotten over the years. think about how many women you've looked at and wished you had their "this" or "that". you have something that other women think that about. stop being negative about yourself, stop thinking about what you want and start finding ways to love what you have.
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Old 10-08-2009, 11:43 PM   #6  
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I totally understand where you're coming from. For me, it was not only being the only (or one of a few) minorities in the school, but I always managed to become friends with the smallest, most petite girls around. I'm not super tall, but I've always been one of the taller girls, and that always made me feel like I was the Incredible Hulk, or Snorlax. I still struggle with the inferiority issues sometimes, but not as much. What helps is just telling yourself how awesome you are, trite as it sounds. And it's true - you are not the same as anyone else. Put on a confident smile and walk into the room as if you know it, and everyone will think you're the most beautiful woman there.

Last edited by beatific; 10-08-2009 at 11:44 PM. Reason: fixed some grammar
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Old 10-09-2009, 12:21 AM   #7  
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It is funny that you said the 'other' girls got accepted for their talent and intelligence: obviously you did too! A "prestigious" school accepted YOU based on your merit, intelligence, gifts, personality, and talents as well!

Plus, I agree with another poster who stated that 'minority' girls are the most unusually attractive women I have ever seen. I think ladies with beautiful Asian eyes and awesome permanently tanned skin are the ones who are blessed. White women spend a fortune on tanning and makeup to try to look like YOU!!! Don't you know that???

Did you know that darker skin actually hides flaws more than white; and that white skin is susceptible to more problems like burns, freckles, and rashes? And, it just looks nicer against bright colors and white clothes, all the time too ...

Accentuate the positive; flaunt those pretty eyes ... do up that shiny, black hair in uniques ways ... be proud of your ebony or olive or tawny tans; and find cute outfits that fit well and flatter the figure you have now while you work on your fitness level. It is true that clothes that are too tight are not flattering but actually make one look bigger than they are.

And lastly, but most important, your attitude and how you carry yourself is more noticeable to people than your size. Put a big happy smile on your face and that is what people will notice first; and people love being around those who have a positive attitude and personality too.

Enjoy yourself while in university; you can create some wonderful memories while you are there, so be sure to have some fun too ...

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Old 10-10-2009, 11:26 AM   #8  
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Lots of great inspiration here! I am really not that great with words but know that you are as good as anyone else out there. Doesn't matter what you look like. Hold you head high and be proud of EVERYTHING you have accomplished!!
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Old 10-10-2009, 01:02 PM   #9  
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If that's your photo in your avatar, Wowza, you're gorgeous.

What a person feels on the inside, doesn't always reflect the outside. There are many absolutely gorgeous people who think they're ugly or hate their appearance. And there are very unnattractive people who are confident and happy with themselves on the inside and outside.

In some ways, I felt more confident, even beautiful at nearly 400 lbs than I do now. Having to give up my career and accept a less active lifestyle, and the chaos of having a diagnosis with an uncertain prognosis, it's all taken it's tole on my confidence and self-image.

I cope by talking to myself and "faking it," and that would be my advice. TELL yourself that you are all the things you want to be (because you probably are). When the negative talk enters your mind, talk back to yourself (I wish I was pretty - I AM pretty). Be specific "I like my eyes..."

Confidence really does carry alot of weight. When you feel amazing, people tend to respond to that. When you act as though you know what you're doing, people tend to assume that you do. When you feel worthy of respect, you get more of it. When you're feeling lousy about yourself, it sometimes almost seems like you've painted a big "kick me" sign on your back. I really think that bullies sense weakness, like sharks sensing blood in the water. If you feel (or can fake it) confident, people respond positively.

The funny thing about "faking" confidence, and positive self-image is that it eventially starts to transform into the real thing.
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Old 10-13-2009, 07:53 AM   #10  
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I just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who posted on here because reading your posts truly helped changed my mindset and feel a little better about myself. You're all such wonderful women yourselves. <3

And to those struggling with self esteem issues as well, you're amazing and unique the way you are. <3
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Old 10-13-2009, 08:15 AM   #11  
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Originally Posted by Procrastinating View Post
I just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who posted on here because reading your posts truly helped changed my mindset and feel a little better about myself. You're all such wonderful women yourselves. <3

And to those struggling with self esteem issues as well, you're amazing and unique the way you are. <3
Glad your feeling better! As you said at the end of your post...keep those words in mind when you think of yourself! Your ONE among all us beautiful women About all those other girls you go to school with...don't think for one minute that they don't carry around insecurities as well...I have many friends that come in all shapes and sizes and EVERY one of them has complaints about their body/looks. Just for today stay focused on your goals and smile big!

Have a great day!
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Old 10-13-2009, 09:11 AM   #12  
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Skinny, cute people are not "all that".

An example, I know 2 ladies in our small community who are part of the upper crust, so to speak.

They are thin, attractive, well educated, married, husbands have money, they have time to go to the gym, cruises for birthday parties, active in the church, 4-H, etc. Keeping up the social status quo. One has even had a boob job. Although in my opinion it looks like a boob job. It's so obvious it's funny and really does not look that good. And of course they have the snooty, I'm better than you airs. One of them is my boss's wife.

Anyway, these ladies cannot keep their pants up. Boob job was caught by her husband, messing around with a local playboy. She and my boss's wife have also been carrying on together.

These 2 supposed, what we would see as perfect, are so shallow and devoid of any realness it's pathetic. Not to mention under cover they are really sleezy, and so not what they want the public to think they are.

I guess the point is what you see, is not necessarily what they are, or what you perceive them to be. So, I'd quit worrying myself about it and just be yourself.
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