BUT, I have never, ever looked at passing up on sugar/fad laden foods AS deprivation. No. I had gotten to the point where eating that stuff WAS the deprivation. Every time I said "no" to "one of those foods", I knew I was a step closer to good health and a better quality of life and ending the misery that I was in, which made me ecstatic beyond belief. I was more then willing to pass it up. I looked at it as a life and death situation. Because it WAS. It was. My very life was on the line.

Those type foods were like alcohol to me and I was the alcoholic. So letting in a little would have not made much sense to me. Too risky. For me, it was cold turkey.

Quite frankly, I think it *may* be harder(not 100% across the board surely) for the morbidly obese, to go the "everything in moderation" route then those who have never been.

Regardless of anyones' starting out point, I think we can all agree that, yes, we're all different and we all have to find out what works for us and what doesn't. And that WILL vary. There is not one universal "correct" way. If only ;).

It's quite possible. Probable even.

Having never been morbidly obese with my life on the line, I can't say what choices I would or would not make. I've never really had a food/junk food addiction. Everything in moderation works for me, but I realize it doesn't work for everyone.

So, yes, let's all figure out what works best for ourselves. I'm really glad to see that everyone recommended that the OP not punish herself and simply move forward. I hate to see people berate themselves for simply being human.

Lots of good advice here!

One piece of cheesecake isn't going to hurt you. An "all or nothing attitude" will. My biggest problem with slips is that I tend to think, "well this day is shot, screw it" and keep indulging. Forgiving yourself and getting back on track is the only part that's important!

if i do something like that. depending on which meal time it corresponds to, i say to myself. okay that was lunch!! and then wont eat anything else. for lunch...and then wait till dinner and make a healthier option to make up for it.

dont beat yourself up for it.

your not gonna go through life without ever eating cheesecake. as long as most of the time you're eating healthy thats what really counts!!

I don't worry too much about it. I write it down in my journal, get annoyed with myself for about 30 seconds and then carry on. I always get back on track and that's the most important thing.

Maybe just eat a smaller piece next time? That's generally my plan. :)

When I was younger and trying to lose weight, my tendency was to set up a rigid type of diet and promise myself that I would not deviate, no matter what. Naturally, at some point I'd fall off the wagon and think the same thing...I've blown it, so I'll just keep on eating. And no matter what day of the week it was, I'd say "I'm starting over on Monday." How crazy was that???

Now I've learned that a slip-up is just that; one little bump in the road. And as others have pointed out, over the long term it's really not going to make a lot of difference, if you just stay on plan and don't let guilt override your good intentions.

I do think it's important to write it down, however. If you make yourself write down everything you eat, then it's easier to say no next time. And I'm sure others will agree that when you say no to something tempting like that, as painful as it is at the time, you will feel soooo good later that evening when you realize how much self-control you exercised. That's a really good feeling, believe me!

About totally eliminating items from one's diet - I do think that for some people, this is absolutely necessary. For some people, certain foods are trigger foods that set off horrible binges...and I think this is physiological not psychological. Like an alcoholic, their bodies simply cannot tolerate certain things. So they have to stay away from those foods completely.

There is no point punishing yourself over something that is done with though. you can't feel bad for having a piece of cheese cake. if you'd eaten the ENTIRE cheese cake that might have been another story, but i still wouldn't recommend feeling bad about it. There will always be cheese cake, you will always want it, so allow yourself to have it in moderation.

How we react to our mistakes is exactly what makes us different than "naturally thin people." I give a lot of thought to these people and I try to observe their habits. I've read in the Beck Diet Solution that normal people don't hate themselves over mistakes. Instead they compensate rather naturally.

The idea is that when a "normal" person overeats they instinctively compensate for it the next day or the next meal. For example, if I eat too much one day the next day I eat lightly. Or if I have a very heavy lunch I have a really light dinner. Now for me this takes planning, weighing, and a good scolding to myself. But for naturally thin people this is a built-in habit. So I put on a brave face and do like they do. Hopefully this becomes part of who I am as well.

I hope nobody gets offended when I say "normal" people. I've just always seen myself as a non-normal person when it comes to food. I don't have an "I'm full" switch and eating normal portions does not come easy for me.

Wannabe: This is exactly the premise of the French Women Don't Get Fat book, which is a good read, but not a diet book. It does talk about this compensation. I don't think it's necessarily innate -- I'm doing a pretty decent job developing it, though it has taken lots of practice.

I totally agree that you have to move on and just forgive yourself for slipping up. It's not worth you sitting there feeling guilty, it's better to just carry on and get back on plan. If I have eaten WAY too much I will just go for a long walk, it gives me time to clear my head and it also helps burn a little lol
To be honest I get cravings for all the wrong foods but I'm learning how to have little portions rather than eating the whole thing. At birthdays I'll have a slice of cake but I won't have one that's absolutely massive - I just come to a compromise. It just means that those cravings to have food in bulk aren't there as much & I can still eat the foods my friends eat... just nowhere near as much :)

Don't worry about the cheesecake, just keep going!!!!

I wish I could remember what brilliant soul here on 3FC (there are so many to choose from!) who said, "You can't hate yourself thin." No other five words have had such a major effect on my life - there is NO point in wasting the energy castigating myself for a slipup, when I can put it toward figuring out what I can do to get around the situation next time.

You wouldn't beat the emotional snot out of a friend who was trying to lose weight and slipped, would you? No, you'd encourage him or her, and tell them all the same things you're reading here. How is it that we're so darn good at treating other people better than we treat ourselves? Give yourself a hug, make a plan for the next time the cheesecake comes around, and get on with the next step in the journey. :hug:

I'm with the other ladies... I just move on. If I start to beat myself up for it, I remind myself that I HAD A CHOICE. Nobody forced me to eat it, nobody held a gun to my cat and said "eat the cake or the cat gets it..." That's it - I had a choice, and I chose to eat whatever it was that I currently feel bad about. But the next choice I make will be a good one.

Because, you see, there are times where we will be left with unsatisfactory options. Maybe the only options that your friend so graciously made for dinner are not healthy ones. So you make choices. Eat half of this. Eat a few bites of that. This all goes back to my theory that "naturally thin" people still enjoy the occasional dessert or indulgence, they just don't eat 10 servings of it or stop when they're actually content. Shocking, I know!

The strategy that works the best for me is to just cut back on my next meal, snack, or day.

And secondly, I plan what I can do better next time to 1) either pass it up, OR 2) cut it in half or share it with someone else, OR 3) find a healthier substitute, OR 4) fit it into my plan ...

I've repeated that one a lot. I think it came from Kaplods :). It has meant a lot to me too.