Regret over not starting sooner?
 

Hi everyone,

Lately I have been thinking about why I waited so long to get motivated and lose weight. I used to think it was because I was working full time, going to grad school, I got married and we bought our first home... life just seemed busy. But I waited until 2 years after we were married to start losing weight. Looking back I realize that I was not as busy as I thought I was. Dieting doesn't take up massive amounts of time during my day. I run for about an hour every night, I take 10-15 minutes to pack a healthy lunch and the rest tends to fall into place.

I will hopefully reach my goal by the end of the year, but my husband and I are starting to talk about having kids in another year or so, and that leaves me of course worrying that I will gain weight back, but also wishing I had more time to enjoy my thin body. THAT leads to regret that I didn't start losing weight sooner.

I know part of it is just getting to the point where being healthy or losing weight is a greater desire than remaining fat, and it may be that I just have to accept that those years are gone and I shouldn't waste time regretting that I waited this long to start losing weight.

Does anyone else have this feeling of regret? I just wish I hadn't wasted that time thinking I was "too busy" or "too tired" to commit to losing weight.

Yes, I do (along with waiting so long to start getting other problems in my life sorted out).

On the other hand...I can't change the past, so I try not to think about it. Easier said than done, life could have been so much "better" had I done X this way and Y that way. But that's the way it is. I'm responsible for some parts of my past, but I'm more responsible for my future.

Sometimes I have those feelings but I try not to give them much space in my head because dwelling on it or thinking too much about it isn't productive. Know what I mean? I've been divorced for 13 years (!!!) and yeah, it would have been nice to spend that time slim and attractive, but for whatever reason I didn't do that.

As far as gaining weight to have kids--think of that as temporary weight. I talk here about having gained weight with kids, but it's not entirely accurate. I was slim when I got pregnant with my first baby. I gained 70 pounds with him, and lost all but 10 of it. The next baby I gained 60 pounds, and lost all but 10 of it. That means I was really only 20 pounds over my original starting weight within a year or so of having baby #2. But instead of losing that, I gradually gained more and more till my final highest weight was 10 pounds OVER what I was when I was 9.5 months pregnant with a ten pound baby!

So I guess I'm trying to reassure you that you CAN get back to your slim figure after babies. I gained a lot because I treated pregnancy like a free-for-all and ate huge quantities of whatever I wanted. It's not a plan I recommend, for obvious reasons. :) And yeah, I wish I had gotten into shape sooner but really, in a year or two I'll be looking back at the 2009 Windchime and feeling pretty grateful to her that she did something in 2009 and didn't wait! :)

It would've been nice to be slim and trim in my twenties, sure. Sometimes I can't believe that at age 33 I'm the healthiest I've ever felt. But I don't linger on those thoughts too much because I know how hard I had to work to get to this point emotionally and mentally. Losing weight is a walk in the park (literally when you think about it) as long as your mind is centered and you can focus on that. Being overweight is emotional turmoil and one must be ready to climb out of it in order to do the easy part.

I have battled the bulge and all sorts of eating disorders since age 5. I will be 40 this feb. MANY many many many hours and thousands of dollars in binge or diet food, therapy, and personal trainers later, I am at a point where my body and mind are mostly healthy.

At this point I believe that with persistence and commitment and indeed, the help of this community at 3fc, I can maintain a healthy lifestyle and weight.

Do I wish I had less pain and suffering? Of course. But life is a process one has only so much control over. We can do only what we can do when we are both able and ready.
And that's that! :)

Originally Posted by Windchime:
Sometimes I have those feelings but I try not to give them much space in my head because dwelling on it or thinking too much about it isn't productive. Know what I mean?

And yeah, I wish I had gotten into shape sooner but really, in a year or two I'll be looking back at the 2009 Windchime and feeling pretty grateful to her that she did something in 2009 and didn't wait! :)

Exactly this.

Sure I wish I hadn't waited til I was 42 to wake up from the fog and start caring about my health. Sure I wish I had done it earlier. But I didn't. I just can't dwell on it. I can't get back that time. That's a shame, but what's done is done. It is pointless, just pointless to keep looking back. I've got to look at the present and the future.

Though I wish I had done this earlier, I am thrilled that I didn't wait til I was 52. Or even one day longer then when I began.

Once again, I completely agree with RR above. I wish I had done something sooner. I am grateful to have been slim during high school and college and on my wedding day. I think I felt less than deserving for many years and let myself slip into being unhealthy and obese. I guess I drifted so far from shore I thought I had lost sight of land. But one day in May '08 I just started swimming towards shore. I didn't see land for a long while--but I knew it was there SOMEwhere!

I try not to dwell on the past. I just try to live and enjoy today like it's my last.

I agree with what all of you are saying. This is just the first time that I've really sat and thought about the time that I wasted being fat, and in some ways I feel like I need to grieve for that lost time. Windchime, it's good to know that baby weight can be lost LOL. I have definitely thought that pregnancy can't be a free for all when it comes to food. I plan on running all through pregnancy and to the delivery room if it's possible. :D

I have learned lots of lessons about what to eat/what not to eat, why I eat, etc. but I think the biggest lesson I've learned is that there is never NOT enough time in the day to squeeze in exercise. My fear is already that I will put dieting and exercise on the back burner when we start a family. Thankfully I've been able to talk to my husband about this and he knows I need to make it a priority.

There is a LOT more behind the exercise thing... a big part of my identity as a runner..but that's another post for another day. :D

Originally Posted by Thighs Be Gone:
Once again, I completely agree with RR above. I wish I had done something sooner. I am grateful to have been slim during high school and college and on my wedding day. I think I felt less than deserving for many years and let myself slip into being unhealthy and obese. I guess I drifted so far from shore I thought I had lost sight of land. But one day in May '08 I just started swimming towards shore. I didn't see land for a long while--but I knew it was there SOMEwhere!

I try not to dwell on the past. I just try to live and enjoy today like it's my last.

See that's a big regret I have. I was 200 lbs on my wedding day and I hate looking at the photos. I very, very much wish I had gotten my act together and at least maintained 160 lbs instead of putting on 40 lbs during the 15 months we were engaged. Most brides try to lose weight. Me? I ate one too many samples of wedding cake.

Have you ever thought about renewing your wedding vows?

I was slim on my wedding day but had a HORRIFIC wedding ruined by family members. I want a new wedding and WILL have one--probably @ 20 year anniversary.

Well, in a way, of course. I wish I'd never gained all this weight the first time--in college. I wish I'd lost it in the 1990s. I wish I'd kept it off when I lost it in 1999-2000. And again in 2003.

But.

I feel like the Universe has a plan for each of us. I truly believe that, when I began this journey last August, it was the right time. I don't know why, only the Universe knows that. But apparently NOW is the right time. Hopefully one day I'll understand why, but maybe not. And that's OK. I'm just trying to concentrate on the NOW and not worry about the past.

Originally Posted by Thighs Be Gone:
Have you ever thought about renewing your wedding vows?

I was slim on my wedding day but had a HORRIFIC wedding ruined by family members. I want a new wedding and WILL have one--probably @ 20 year anniversary.

I haven't thought about renewing our vows (we've only been married for 2.5 years) but I have thought about doing a "trash the dress" photography session once I lose all the weight. Of course my size 20 wedding dress would be falling off me at that point. Maybe I could score a $99 gown in my size or something. Or maybe just another photography session with me and my husband, kind of like our engagement photo session (which I was also fat for). Hmmm.

Yes, however I think the following usually directly after. At least I started now and didn't wait another 6 months, year, etcetera. I *could* be that much further behind where I am now.

Yes I regret it sometimes, but I always think better late than never.

I mean when I was 185 I said I'd never let myself get to 200, THEN I was 200 after I got married and continued till I hit 235! Now I'm back down to 211.5 as of this morning and I'm glad I'm doing something about it rather than letting myself continue to get bigger.

Originally Posted by beerab:
Yes I regret it sometimes, but I always think better late than never.

I mean when I was 185 I said I'd never let myself get to 200, THEN I was 200 after I got married and continued till I hit 235! Now I'm back down to 211.5 as of this morning and I'm glad I'm doing something about it rather than letting myself continue to get bigger.

211! You did it!! :carrot: :carrot: :carrot:

Yes, I absolutely have this feeling.

I've been trying to lose weight for eleven years, I really think its ridiculous that I've been doing this so long and am still not at a happy weight.

In 2006 I lost 2 and a half stone (35lbs) and if I hadn't given up, if I'd kept plugging away, I could have gotten to my goal (which was only another 35lbs away at the time) by Christmas 2006 and been slim and healthy for the past 3 years!

But now I'm really working at it, and am determined to get it done.

Originally Posted by georgiad:
Yes, I absolutely have this feeling.

I've been trying to lose weight for eleven years, I really think its ridiculous that I've been doing this so long and am still not at a happy weight.

In 2006 I lost 2 and a half stone (35lbs) and if I hadn't given up, if I'd kept plugging away, I could have gotten to my goal (which was only another 35lbs away at the time) by Christmas 2006 and been slim and healthy for the past 3 years!

But now I'm really working at it, and am determined to get it done.

Georgia, I actually have had those feelings as well. A little over two years ago I decided to start trying to lose weight...joined a gym, tracked calories, etc. I would stop for a few months, start for a week or two, stop again and regain, start, stop until at last, 2 years went by. It frustrates me to think that if I had just stuck with it the first time around I would have met my goal twice by now.

It's just so frustrating! To think of all the upset, all the pain, all the struggle, all the things I've missed out on. I've not been able to have half the fun I should've had at uni as I could've had if I had even just stayed at the weight I was (153lbs, incidentally).

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny:
Losing weight is a walk in the park (literally when you think about it) as long as your mind is centered and you can focus on that. Being overweight is emotional turmoil and one must be ready to climb out of it in order to do the easy part.

I love what you said here!

Of course, I regret having spent so much time being large, but I also have to accept that it was never the right time or concept. It`s not like I have not been trying. It`s just that I have not found a strategy which worked until recently. I did everything in my power but took a while to discover what works for me.

Don`t get too sad about not having done it sooner - and if you feel you do, just turn it round and think, I`m grateful that I`ve done it now and not waited for yet *another* 5 years...

This is actually one of the only regrets I have from my life. I definitely regret not starting sooner....or, I guess, not taking it more seriously earlier. I sometimes think about what I might have experienced if I had started this when I was younger.

Originally Posted by Fat Pants:
I haven't thought about renewing our vows (we've only been married for 2.5 years) but I have thought about doing a "trash the dress" photography session once I lose all the weight. Of course my size 20 wedding dress would be falling off me at that point. Maybe I could score a $99 gown in my size or something. Or maybe just another photography session with me and my husband, kind of like our engagement photo session (which I was also fat for). Hmmm.

What is "trash the dress" session?

What about having your original dress cut down to fit your teency body!

I've had my moments where I wish I just woulda known long ago how "simple" this is (not saying there isn't a lot of hard work but counting calories and exercise = simple concept, to me) but now I just try to focus more on my life today and not the past, it just brings me down.

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny:
Losing weight is a walk in the park (literally when you think about it) as long as your mind is centered and you can focus on that. Being overweight is emotional turmoil and one must be ready to climb out of it in order to do the easy part.

well, for some people. I think some people just didn't know how to climb out, or even how they got there.

I also blame all the misinformation that's been out over the years. I have a few fad diet books and old magazines from the 70s and 80s, some have extreme low calorie, low carb then it went to no/low fat & high carbs, then back to low carb... at that time the internet wasn't the wealth of information it has today, so people followed what was available.

also the growth of fast food chains making it a daily thing instead of a once in awhile treat... food in general has become more and more centered in our cultures- we eat out more, holidays are centered almost all around unhealthy food, etc... For awhile transfats were pumped into our food (along with other unhealthy things), and I think most of us didn't know what they were till recently they were found to be causing so many health problems for people.

I think it's only recently more balanced diets, like The Zone, became popular. and it's more recently we understand the science of calorie counting, we now know eating 1000 calories isn't healthy and will hurt our weight loss, while 20 years ago 1000cals might have been considered a good amount for weight loss. We also have tons of tools online, books, Iphone apps, etc to help find calories in almost everything, while 20 years ago we were lucky to have the little calorie counting books with the calorie counts of just common foods.

in other words, I wish I KNEW then what I know now so could of started sooner!

Great string.

The thing I have come to realize is that all of my weight loss efforts over the years have taught me lessons that I never fully understood or synthesized until this time around. So, do I regret not doing it earlier? Sort of, but it was my earlier efforts that are making a difference now.

I have no regrets
I feel that the years I have spent overweight have made me the person who I am today. I have come out of all of this as a stronger (physically and emotionally), wiser and reflective person. I appreciate life, I appreciate health and I feel I can handle better what life throws at me than someone who has never struggled with something like obesity.

I'm happy with my life now and I know that if life didn't run its course the way it did then I wouldn't be where I am now. I also have the chance to inspire others with my success and commitment.

A few reasons why I don't regret what I had to go through:
1) I eat healthier and exercise more than my thin friends do and have become far more health conscious. If I had always been naturally thin I probably would have never learned what I needed to know about healthy eating and exercise.
2) I know that I can lose the 'babyweight' in the future because I've already learned the basics of how to lose weight.
3) I know that I have made a lifelong commitment to being healthy and I know what I have to do to stick to it.

The list goes on but those are my 2 cents.

Originally Posted by caliyah:
I have no regrets
I feel that the years I have spent overweight have made me the person who I am today. I have come out of all of this as a stronger (physically and emotionally), wiser and reflective person. I appreciate life, I appreciate health and I feel I can handle better what life throws at me than someone who has never struggled with something like obesity.

I'm happy with my life now and I know that if life didn't run its course the way it did then I wouldn't be where I am now. I also have the chance to inspire others with my success and commitment.

A few reasons why I don't regret what I had to go through:
1) I eat healthier and exercise more than my thin friends do and have become far more health conscious. If I had always been naturally thin I probably would have never learned what I needed to know about healthy eating and exercise.
2) I know that I can lose the 'babyweight' in the future because I've already learned the basics of how to lose weight.
3) I know that I have made a lifelong commitment to being healthy and I know what I have to do to stick to it.

The list goes on but those are my 2 cents.

That's a pretty interesting perspective and it's really awesome that you can see it that way!

I guess all I see are the things I missed out on by being obese: spending quality time with my husband doing physical activities like hiking or backpacking, not being social after work with my coworkers because I was embarrassed by my weight, feeling ashamed that I had let myself get that big so avoiding people I loved, hiding behind baggy clothes so no one would pay attention to me.

I realize now that those were my own choices to do those things. What makes me sad and regretful is selling myself short for all those years.