Okay, it seems to me that maybe your are leery to lose weight because your bf seems to like you just the way you are. He met and fell in-love with you at your current weight, but you would really like to be a smaller weight, but maybe internally you think he won't like you as well thinner, since he fell in love with you heavier...does that make any since? Regardless, I think doing it for yourself is really the best way to succeed.

Thank you all. I was in such a bad spot this morning, very stressed and emotional (from other things going on in life) and it made me feel so negative about everything, especially my weight loss goals. I'm feeling a bit better tonight and when I got on to read all of your responses I felt even better. ****, I'm evening feeling tentatively positive about it!

I appreciate it very, very much. You've all given me a lot of food for thought and lord knows I'm totally an analyzer!

I am new here but I understand how you feel, somedays I am so ready and I can't wait to get up and exercise and then when the time comes my day has been so busy that I am tired and I find reasons to put off at least some time on the treadmill. I do believe it has to be for you. I know I am ready, I am only 40 and headed down the same road as my dad. I am on thyroid meds, diabetic, high blood pressure, water pills, potassiom and anti depressants. I want off all of the medications and I want to feel batter. I tried long term goals but it just gets so overwhelming. I decided the other day that small goals at a time work better for me and that is what I hope can keep me going.
You need to find a way to exercise that you enjoy. I have Hip Hop abs and Zumba. I enjoy them and I am finding out that I like running on the treadmill just as much. I find that I push my self for that extra few mins everytime I get on there. You will find a balance eventually. I no longer call this a diet, diets never work. It is my goal now to just be healther and I think that puts less pressure. We all have bad days so don't give up. You are only human.
Jen