Here goes...
The name's Mary. I'm 18, 160cm (~5'3) and 82kg (~180lbs). I'm classified in the obese range, according to the BMI calculator. I know I should lose weight and I do have a goal of getting into the 55kg-60kg range, but for some reason I'm terrified of going through a weight loss regime. I'm afraid of the aftermath, really, and what would happen if I'm not successful... excess skin, still having large amounts of fat despite having an exercise regime, etc. It's really petty, I know, but I can't help the way I feel. The fact that my main - and perhaps - only reason is to look good and be "thin" makes me a bit more terrified, I think. I know I should be doing this for health reasons, but it's not easy to change my mentality to be frank.
I'm just sick of being the fat, ugly friend. I hate having my friend(s) make snide comments about my weight. And having my parents pick on me (dad: *looks at me eating and says this sarcastically* "eat a bit more... it's okay to be fatter") and my mum telling me explicitly that she's embarrassed to go anywhere with me because of my weight.
I look in the mirror and I'm disgusted with myself. I hate my skin, my fat oozing out of my clothes - essentially the way I look. I look... ugh. I'm embarrassed to look at myself.
Being overweight most of my life has really affected me in what I am like physically, and in-turn emotionally and in-turn socially... and I figured the logical thing to do is to fix this now than wait until I'm older.
I have this habit of hyping myself up to lose weight but then never start it. I manage to blow it up by starting the day with eating crap and then postponing the regime the next day... and then the next, and then the next. I'm not normally a procrastinator in other areas of my life, it's just losing weight that's really troublesome.
I suppose the point of this thread is... well, asking for some rationalised advice. I know I am being completely illogical here, but damn, my head doesn't seem to think so. I feel like a hopeless case and that even if I lose weight I'll be fugly anyway. The idea of excess skin and protruding fat despite being thinner scares the crap outta me. I know that logically this may not be/isn't the case, but it's really hard to believe it.
I am thinking of starting tomorrow - officially starting tomorrow - and was thinking of maybe incorporating an hour at the elliptical at home? Are there any other exercises that I should do? I understand the benefits of weight training, but I don't know what I could do at home. I never really got how squats, sit ups, etc. worked. Are they truly effective?
And yeah, I have a gym membership. With uni commitments, however, I've decided to suspend it until I finish (which is around November). That and the fact that I always go with a friend of mine. And since she's pretty busy herself, I'm scared of going alone because of the fear of people judging me.
Anyway... I hope I don't appear too whiny/weak. I'm just confused at the moment, haha. I hope I make sense here. I'm pretty sure I contradicted myself a couple of times, but I'm just writing whatever at the moment.
TIA.
P.S. It's a nice forum, 3FC. A lot of inspirational people here.