Salsa and all the other negative self talkers:

I know how you feel! I was exactly in the same boat! Even on Tuesday I had a day like that, but moved on within a few hours!!!

Heres the trick (I saw it on a program called "X-Weighted":

Look in the mirror (as hard as it can be), write out EVERY negative emotion you may have (fat, ugly, big arms, thunder thighs etc). Now after your done that. Cut them into slips of paper. Now one by one burn them!!!! (got a fireplace? EVen a coffee can works well outside ofcourse)....THAT IS THE PAST AND IT WILL BE GONE FOREVER!!!!

Now, look in the mirror again! Write down ALL the positive things about yourself that you see!!! FOr example, I'm kind, funny, pretty eyes, nice hands etc!!! Then post that where you can see it everyday and make sure to read iy everyday!!!!

Its amazing how you feel when all you can see is positive things about yourself.

I hope this makes tons of sense

By the way...you are so beautiful!!!

Originally Posted by salsa chip:
So now, whilst I'm not going to go overboard, I've decided to pick up some old fun hobbies - things I know I enjoy and will take up time. So I've contacted a couple of choirs to enquire about joining up and am taking language courses. Alongside work I think I'm constructing a balanced but full programme which means that because my meals are scheduled properly...I won't have so much time to sit on the couch and pig out.

I'm so impressed by you, with the gym, therapist, and activities, you are taking this bull by the horns.

I wanted to add one more thought that's been banging around my brain on this topic, when I was in my 20s, my body and looks had a much more central place in my thoughts. Maybe that's not so unusual. I've calmed down with that aspect of it as I've gotten older (I'm 45 now). Not that I don't care about my looks, I just have come to realize more that's one part of me. People don't love other people on looks alone (unless they're enormously shallow, ha). I certainly don't base who I dole out my affections to according to their body fat percentage and resemblance to movie stars :lol:

Not that I've conquered every one of my insecurities about my body, but wanted to throw that out there.

Dragonwoman, you're not telling me you're 45! You so don't look it (or maybe my conceptions of how old $age looks like is off)!

A few weeks ago I had a realisation about myself. The scary details are scary and not for public internet fora, but finally I could look at myself and see that I was desperately unhappy. I have so many issues, and they're not just about my looks or body: self-confidence, not just in the 'big' things - work - but also in the tiniest things like paying off a utility bill!

I was visiting my aunt (treated my cousin to a Harry Potter afternoon, and my aunt and I were having a heart to heart) and made a joking comment about how "yea, one of these days I'm going to be beautifully slim like $actress". She turned to me, completely seriously, and said, "But salsa, you could. You have to want it."

People have said stuff like that to me before. But it was the first time that someone in my close family had done (I have a weird relationship with my parents, due to them having weird relationships with theirs....etc.). Before then I had been toying with the idea of a gym membership and personal training too (eek, serious money!), but for some reason her..belief?...in me flipped a switch.

A few weeks later I came back home and my world crumbled - a friend was killed last weekend and I think that just set it all off. It hit me, I really can't do this anymore, I really do need help. So then I let myself cry (and I've been doing LOTS of crying this week) and talk to some friends. And they've been helping me. And today I went out in a strappy top!

I'm still terrified that I'll crumble. On the other hand, what's happened to me recently has been such a turning point. I think if I fall off this wagon and don't get back on, I'll really be doing myself a disservice.

Anyway. About your looks not being everything: for years I've deliberately ignored my looks (and perhaps consequently assumed the worst about them). Everything was school, college, job, travel. It's only now I'm learning that I can't just shut off the part of me that is physical. In that aspect too, I have fulfil my potential.

Does any of that make sense? I have such a tendency to blather on, lol

a death of a friend is a tough thing to go through, I'm sorry you had to experience that. I'm glad to hear you had family and friends around to support you. I do believe sometimes those types of events can be like a mental catalyst.

you know, I'd say on the one hand (and I'm talking to you the way I would to my younger self), yes it's scary to think about losing ground. on the other hand, each choice you're making here is actually literally changing you. you're learning and growing and experiencing, getting a little stronger and tougher, acquiring coping skills, figuring out what's important to you and who you are. Some of the choices you'll make will be right, some kind of right, some not for you. I know that may sound like stating the obvious, but as you go through everything, keep it in mind, it will make it easier for you to discard what isn't working.

I get the idea of opening up the whole issue of being connected to your body. I personally think mindless eating is a strong reflection of being very disconnected. Exercise for me has had an extremely positive impact for me in that area. It totally makes sense that you consider that as part of fulfilling your potential. I can say from someone who wasted too much time detached from and hating how my body looked, there are so many joys with embracing your physicality. The intimacy with another person through making love being one of them. If you have a fear of that, and your eating and body size gets affected by that fear (yes, I have suffered/suffer still to a degree from that), then imagine the other side, where it's a pleasure and thrill for you.

Believe me, women of all sizes and all levels of flaws struggle with accepting their bodies. the more you can get to that place where you just say, this is me. I'm happy, even excited to work to make it better, but I'm ok whether it changes or not (scary, that thought, I know!, it's a good one though), the better off you'll be. After a point, I've found it takes so much more energy and is so mentally exhausting to obsess with the negatives, it's way more energizing and life affirming to let myself see the positives and enjoy them.

this was long and a bit soap boxy, I've been thinking about all these things lately.

thanks for the comments re me not looking my age, I never get tired of hearing that, heh heh. It comes from healthy eating and exercise (doh!)