Too sad to stay on track - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

cbigsis · 08-01-2009, 11:39 PM

My husband passed away 5 years ago and since then I steadily gained weight - I was already overweight to begin with. This year I finally woke up and decided to get healthy again. I have been doing great - minus a couple of irritating plateaus. 50 pounds down and 35 to go. Last week the man I had been seeing ended the relationship and I am really struggling to stay on track. All my old habits of eating to stuff down the sad are raging back! And I am also having difficulty finding the motivation to work out. I have made it every day except one this week and have not gained, but am really having trouble with feeling like I can keep my act together every day. I know this guy is really not worth all the fuss but my heart will just not listen yet.

owensmommy4 · 08-01-2009, 11:46 PM

I'm sorry for your loss. Remember this is your journey and you have to know that the guy that left is not worth throwing all your hard work away. YOU are the most important person and you CAN do this. HUGS to you.

Onederchic · 08-01-2009, 11:48 PM

I am sorry for your loss.

I can understand. My husband passed away in 1999. I know this is very difficult. You have to try to focus on making your life healthier. I am sure you husband would want that. I know mine would.

Good luck in your goals. PM me if you ever need to.

Hugs
Michelle

KatieBell28 · 08-01-2009, 11:49 PM

Breakups are definitely an exception to the dieting rule in my book. It's just a facet of the feminine essence, we have a junk food and romance movie phase to get over the heart break.

Don't lay guilt over over that heartache. Spend some time with your kids/family/friends.

One you regroup yourself, you can kick up your fitness again! Exercise is a great stress reliever for me

kuhrisuh · 08-01-2009, 11:51 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband.. and about your relationship ending! I know it must be hard

. Just take one day at a time. Try not to worry about the past or the future, but focus on right now and the choices you're making. It sounds like you've been doing really good this week & I'm sure you can keep it up! Just stay strong, girl. We're all here for you!

xo, BB

jendiet · 08-02-2009, 12:12 AM

This is time for you time. I would just focus on keeping your head above the water right now. Do things that make y our life better. Right now stuffing your face silly with a bunch of junk isn't going to solve anything.

I am sorry for your loss. If that guy was meant to be with you he would be. And it's his loss.

LotusMama · 08-02-2009, 01:03 AM

CB--

Sorry to hear about your struggles. The fact that you posted here for support is a good first step.

Part of the struggle for many people here (myself included) is learning how to deal with emotions in a way that doesn't involve eating. I know that right now you feel lousy. Giving up and slidding back into unhealthy ways will only insure that the lousy feeling stays with you.

Good luck and know that you have people here that are pulling for you.

J

quince · 08-02-2009, 05:36 AM

i'm so sorry to hear all that... life can be so hard.
as far as eating through your sadness, if it can help, try to say to yourself every time you go eat something as a comfort that it is not food you long for nor can it really help, it is actually only a way to punish yourself. and you are not to blame, life sometimes just takes a course not easy for us.
i ate my way through so many problems and it got me too far so all i can say is: when you're sad, cry, talk to someone, don't try to find a friend in food, you will only find more problems there.

good luck!

aneleh · 08-02-2009, 10:07 AM

I think it would be easier to avoid overeating if you had something to replace it. Find something to do, anything! Walk along a trail, read some books, take a dance class. It's not really a good idea to give yourself a license to eat junk because of your emotions, it won't make you stronger, it won't make you feel better in the long run, and it won't solve any of your problems!

Lori Bell · 08-02-2009, 10:46 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't begin to imagine how difficult it would be to lose a spouse. I do however know how it feels to be "ended" from a man. He has already succeeded in making you feel crappy for the short term, don't you dare let him make you feel crappy for the long term when you are faced with 30 extra pounds to lose from emotional eating. PLEASE. Someone above said it was okay to drown your sorrows in food over a break-up, but I'm here to tell you that it is NOT okay to binge over a man. Stick to your plan and move on...don't blow it, don't wallow in self pity, then attempt to re-start a dozen times, and then be stuck in a rut depressed, and bigger than ever....Don't allow that to happen to you.

KatieBell28 · 08-02-2009, 12:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lori Bell

Someone above said it was okay to drown your sorrows in food over a break-up, but I'm here to tell you that it is NOT okay to binge over a man.

Just to be clear here, because my earlier words were awkward. I don't think it's okay to "drown sorrows" in food, alcohol, even chocolate. I was responding to the fact she has said she has already been indulging in some junk food.

And that's okay if you fell into some temptation, don't layer guilt over the heartache you feel.

You can do better now, today. You already seem to be making an emotional turn around from this breakup and can jump back onto the fitness wagon. You've done really well losing so far! You obviously know what works for you! Already half way to your goal!

DCHound · 08-02-2009, 01:32 PM

OK, you've drowned your sorrows in food before, how much did that help? Nada. (I've done it too, in spades!) You know it doesn't work, it doesn't help, it doesn't make you feel better, it makes you feel worse, right? So start telling yourself, right now, I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS. You deserve better than junk food. It isn't that good, it makes you feel like crap, and you've worked too hard at losing weight to put it back on now.

It's good to cry, cry all you want. But don't eat crap! Throw stuff, break stuff, yell, scream...think about taking martial arts! Sleep extra if you need to. Eat healthy though.

Really the best healer of all is time, you know that. And if you get back on track, diet-wise, and stay on track, by the time you start to feel a little better emotionally, you will have a nice loss to go with it. Healthier you will feel better, and when you're ready to date again, you will be even more beautiful.

Overeating junk food DOES NOT HELP and YOU DESERVE BETTER.

pucedaisy · 08-02-2009, 01:59 PM

I'm so sorry you're going through this pain right now. my thoughts, for what they're worth, are this: DON'T "stuff down the sad." It's OK to feel sad. It's normal to feel sad. It's OK to feel hurt- it sucks, but it's part of life and stuffing it down doesn't make it go away. Avoidance can lead to depression, which isn't defined as sadness, but a lack of engagement with yourself and the world. Feel the sadness, acknowledge it, talk about it, and keep moving forward and keep engaging in life.

This image just popped in my head: in the movie "Something's Gotta Give" (terrible title, IMO) the Diane Keaton (terrific actress, IMO) character gets dumped, and Keaton's performance is one of the most hilarious- yet honest- displays of working through that pain and sadness. Of course it's a movie. But there is something so empowering about seeing this woman embrace every bit of despair she feels and let it howl, while she keeps on going and gets through it. (and did I mention it's hilarious? she is a comic genius)

Of course this guy is not worth all the fuss, but YOU are. Fuss all you like, and fight to keep up your exercise routine, to keep eating healthy, to keep taking care of yourself, and of course keep checking in with the chicks who are happy to hear you fuss as much as you need to! You can get through this- don't stuff your spirit down!

and by the way= 50 pounds lost?!! that's amazing!!

cbigsis · 08-03-2009, 08:28 AM

Thanks everyone for your encouragement. The weekend went pretty well. There was a lot of my husband's family in town for a golf outing that they put on to raise money for American Cancer Society in his name. So I was pretty distracted with all the get togethers. That helped alot and I was able to stick to the fruit and veggie platters and stayed away from the cake and brownies.

thinpossible · 08-03-2009, 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cbigsis

Thanks everyone for your encouragement. The weekend went pretty well. There was a lot of my husband's family in town for a golf outing that they put on to raise money for American Cancer Society in his name. So I was pretty distracted with all the get togethers. That helped alot and I was able to stick to the fruit and veggie platters and stayed away from the cake and brownies.

Maybe you've found the key right there-- keep busy.

I'm sure you are in a lot of pain.

I'm so sorry. In my experience, and I think it is a common one, junk food will only make you feel worse physically and emotionally and prolong your heartache. If I told you I had fairy dust that would shorten your pain and help you recover faster would you want me to sprinkle some on you? If you stay away from junk it will do both those things.

I know it's hard (boy do I know!). Don't beat yourself up if you slip, but at least get that stuff OUT of your house.

Hope you feel better soon.