Sorry, this might be kind of long but I am trying to figure out what's going on.
I'm in some kind of a funk and I just don't get it. Last time I lost weight, I got down to 207 and at the time I thought I looked and felt great. Today I'm within 3 pounds of that at 210. I still have the jeans I was wearing at 207, but they don't seem to fit. Was I delusional when I wore them then? Was I crammed into jeans that I had no business wearing, or is my shape just different this time around? I am 3 years older but that shouldn't matter, should it?
Also, I had an asthma attack the other night. Asthma, for me, is a condition that I usually only encounter when I'm at my heaviest, so it was a real smack-down for me to have one when I'm feeling healthier and trimmer than I have in a long time. Because of the asthma, I haven't been trying to jog as much and tonight I walked a couple of miles. I went past a storefront and caught a glimpse, and the girl looking back at me looked like the same old Windchime that was lumbering along at 34 pounds heavier a few months ago.
I don't get it. The last two weeks were really good as far as weight loss goes. I'm finally in smaller pants. I'm sticking to my plan, not bored or tempted to quit or cheat. So why do I all the sudden feel fat and lumpy and like I'm making no progress??
Last time when I reached 207, I stopped. I thought I looked so good and I wanted a break, so I stopped. I maintained for about a year, then slowly started gaining back. I don't want that to happen this time around, but I wonder if I'm approaching that psychological 'barrier' and somehow having trouble with that?
Another thought: This weekend is my class reunion. Last time we had one, it was very low-key and was mostly people who still live in the area so it was no biggie. I was heavy but I went and I had a good time visiting. I don't feel upset or anxious about the reunion, but could that be why I'm feeling fat and insecure?
Is it even important why I'm feeling fat and funky? Should I just acknowledge the feeling and power right on through this weight range, and not spend a bunch of time navel-gazing over it?